I seriously need some advice

[Gandalf_The_Grey]

When my best friend went into a relationship with this girl, her and I hit it off rigth away. It's usually very hard for me to connect with people, yet I connected perfectly with her in every possible way, always feeling comfortable around her. Over the past couple years we became very good friends, and a mutual attraction to each other grew. We never did anything because neither of us would betray my friend/her bf, but the attraction is still there.

In the last few months I kept arguing with myself, trying to talk myself out of it, but I couldn't deny it any longer, I'm completely in love with her. She's perfect in every way for me and I just want to be with her so bad. I don't know how strong her feelings are about me, but she's at least said and indicated an attraction to me several times. She even said once if my friend ever left her I'd be next in line.

Now my friend has lost interest in her, yet seems to be stringing her along. He says he's not attracted to her anymore, doesn't want to have sex with her and only does it to satisfy her needs, and I'm starting to think he doesn't even respect her anymore. He constantly talks about girls from his past he wants to hook up with, and always goes on about this british medical student he wants to marry one day. He doesn't seem to respect or care for her at all, and it tears me up because I care for her more than anything in the world. I would appreciate her and treat her SO much better than him, but he won't just end the relationship, and she won't because she's still very much in love with him.

I just don't know what to do. Part of me wants to tell her all the disloyal things he's been saying, and tell her I would treat her so much better, but then I'm betraying my best friend. He truly has been my closest friend for 12 years, I could never do anything to betray him. But staying silent is just killing me, knowing that he doesn't care at all about her but won't leave her or tell her the truth. What should I do? What can I do? I've never felt so confused and torn.

Gandalf_The_Grey Reviewed by Gandalf_The_Grey on 06-28-2007. I seriously need some advice When my best friend went into a relationship with this girl, her and I hit it off rigth away. It's usually very hard for me to connect with people, yet I connected perfectly with her in every possible way, always feeling comfortable around her. Over the past couple years we became very good friends, and a mutual attraction to each other grew. We never did anything because neither of us would betray my friend/her bf, but the attraction is still there. In the last few months I kept arguing Rating: 5

[4twentE]

Does he have any idea of this attraction between you and his girl? Kinda start hinting around about his girl being cool and stuff. Say stuff like you need to find somebody like her. When he brings up the issue of hooking up with another girl, kinda jokingly tell him to go for another girl and let you have his current girl. See how he responds and gradually get more serious about it. There's tons of advice out ther for this situation. That's just my :twocents:

[BabyFacedAbortion]

She even said once if my friend ever left her I'd be next in line.

She won't because she's still very much in love with him.

Those two lines stood out to me. Would you be satisfied with being second best, seeing that your best friend said it was cool? How would he react? Bros before hoes hon, even if the love is true.. I think if you really care about her, you'll figure out a way to get your best friend to end the relationship with her..so she stops being hurt and then play it by ear from there. I wouldn't break up the two with the intention of dating her though. I'll hopefully think of something more helpful tomorrow morning..as it's almost 3 a.m and I'm kinda buzzed. <3

[ghosty]

Talk to your friend about it, you might be suprised, he might take it pretty well. I had a friend come talk to me about hooking up with an ex I had recently broken up with once. And although I was kinda taken back by it, after talking about it and seeing he truly did care about her, I was cool with it. If you explain the attraction in a way thats not like your trying to jump in, perhaps he'll end the relationship and after a bit of time you and the girl will hook up.

[Gandalf_The_Grey]

Does he have any idea of this attraction between you and his girl?

Actually I suspect he does. At least he knows she's attracted to me, I haven't indicated anything in front of him.

Kinda start hinting around about his girl being cool and stuff. Say stuff like you need to find somebody like her. When he brings up the issue of hooking up with another girl, kinda jokingly tell him to go for another girl and let you have his current girl. See how he responds and gradually get more serious about it. There's tons of advice out ther for this situation.

That's actually some damn good advice bro, much appreciated. It'll be hard to figure out exactly how to do that, but I think I could figure something out.

Those two lines stood out to me. Would you be satisfied with being second best, seeing that your best friend said it was cool?

Hmmmm, I wouldn't say I'm "second best" in her eyes, she just met him a while before me and fell totally in love with him. Now he doesn't seem to give two shits about her, while I want to do nothing but give her hapiness.

How would he react?

Good question, it's hard to say. I think he'd be cool with me dating her after they broke up, but it's like he's going to string her along forever, I suspect he's been doing so for months the way he's been talking since last January.

Bros before hoes hon, even if the love is true..

You're absolutely right, that's why I won't betray him and screw around with her (well at least attempt to). I love the guy like a brother, we're pretty much family, but even family can really piss you off at times.

I think if you really care about her, you'll figure out a way to get your best friend to end the relationship with her..so she stops being hurt and then play it by ear from there. I wouldn't break up the two with the intention of dating her though. I'll hopefully think of something more helpful tomorrow morning..as it's almost 3 a.m and I'm kinda buzzed. <3

Yeah I agree, I've never tried to break them up, especially not for my own gain. I'd feel like such a bastard. But on the flip side, I feel like a bastard knowing he's screwing her around and not saying anything. The way he talks, I'm about 95% sure he'd sleep with another girl if the opportunity came along.

[Gandalf_The_Grey]

Talk to your friend about it, you might be suprised, he might take it pretty well. I had a friend come talk to me about hooking up with an ex I had recently broken up with once. And although I was kinda taken back by it, after talking about it and seeing he truly did care about her, I was cool with it. If you explain the attraction in a way thats not like your trying to jump in, perhaps he'll end the relationship and after a bit of time you and the girl will hook up.

Yeah.... maybe. Honestly I'm just scared to say that and risk pissing him off majorly.

[BabyFacedAbortion]

If anything, tell him you're tired of hearing/seeing him drag her along and it's making you pissed.

[couch-potato]

I never thought I would live to see the day when Gandalf asked others for advice. You're a wizard dammit!

[spliffstar22]

BROS B4 HOES............
GOT IT, GET IT, GOOD, LEARN THAT SHIT...........

There's millions of girls out there, is it really worth destroying your 12 yr friendship, over pussy, when there's pussy pretty much everywhere you look.........Get real man, for the thought to even rat your friend to his girl that you think he doesn't care about her disgusts me........but you did say you could never betray him so that's good, so dont, because at the end of the day he aint gonna hand over his girl to you, and your gonna lose a friend, and you might very well have to fight because of it, and fighting over girls is the dumbest shit in the world to do..........

[Gandalf_The_Grey]

I never thought I would live to see the day when Gandalf asked others for advice. You're a wizard dammit!

LOL, I actually considered writing "(even wizards need advice sometimes)" in the title but thought better of it. Guess I was wrong.

There's millions of girls out there, is it really worth destroying your 12 yr friendship, over pussy, when there's pussy pretty much everywhere you look.........Get real man, for the thought to even rat your friend to his girl that you think he doesn't care about her disgusts me........but you did say you could never betray him so that's good, so dont, because at the end of the day he aint gonna hand over his girl to you, and your gonna lose a friend, and you might very well have to fight because of it, and fighting over girls is the dumbest shit in the world to do..........

Dude I don't think you really get the picture. This isn't about "bros and pussy", this is about one really good friend and another really good friend. She's not "pussy" I'm chasing, the sexual aspect is not what's driving me whatsoever; I respect and care about her massively as a person because she's intelligent, kind, and understands me and communicates with me perfectly.
I've seriously never even been in a relationship because I hate socializing as is, and for some reason I just seem to be missing the "pick up gene" that other guys seem to possess; you know, that instinct on how to pick up girls.
But I couldn't be attracted to somebody who's stupid or shallow no matter how hot they were, I want to be with her because personality wise, she's perfect. I need an intellectual equal, not "pussy" as you put it.