ok if i must go into it... =/ only reason i hate saying it is because the mor eisay it the more i realize how much of an idiot i am... keep in mind i considered this dude my best friend at the time... and also, i was shy as hell... my ex wasn't the hottestgirl in the world, but the girl i left her for 'was' atleast by magazine standards...

ok me and my ex meet... we hit it off right away... talking all night on the phone... her skipping school to come see me (i was home schooled) it was like an instant attraction... but then this dude scott (dude from a local band that went ot her school) started coming in the picture more and more... one night i slipped and actualy said what i was thinking... (i was trying to tell her good night, but i was high so i said 'i love you') and at the time, i did... (shit, she's driven me crazy for years since we split up and i couldn't find her... i think you could call that love) so everythings going great.. there's no actual bf/gf status between us... but we both express DEEP DEEP intrest in each other...

this goes on for awhile.. like 2 weeks solid... we're basicly (Atleast at the time) perfect match and made for each other... we liked everything the same... etc etc... then i fuck everything up..

i'm with this friend... (and don't let this offend you... but this dude literally will date anyone so long as he gets pussy outta it, and still to this day that holds true... 600 pounds, or 100 pounds... 4 foot, or 8 foot.. and i'm not kidding, as long as he gets sex he just doesn't care) one day... when this girl i've been talking to (who i honestly wanted just as a friend.. i had no friends... i could use a couple) starts talking about how she likes me... but i start trying to push her away.. and at first he understands... he's like yeah you're already involved...

then he sees this girl's picture... if i could of changed everything (losing this first girl woulda been ok, i was a dumb ass... but live with that pain forever and making her live with it? no... i woulda change it instantly if i could have... i don't care what the girl looks like... i mean yeah i want a pretty girl and all... but personality means alot to me... if i woudla know this was gonna balloon like it did, i woluda cut it off then and there, i just never saw it coming) anways, he see's this girl.... she's like a perfect 10 in anybody's book... i don't wanna say names... but like rebgirl.... you know pretty mcuh anyone wanted to drop their pants at her..

i listen to t his stupid friend of mine... i let him tell me the girl i really did love is only a whore and everything else... and convince me of it (agian i had no friends.. the only other real friends i had... well one is responsible for my fucked up back, that willl be fucked for LIFE... and the other talked that 2nd into fucking up my back...) anyways... like an idiot i listen to him

i go after the girl who means next to nothing to me... and crush the other... the one who meant everything to me at the time.... i had even promisied her i wouldn't do that to her... she always said 'after sex, everything goes to shit' no sooner then 2 days after we had sex, everything did go to shit...

i dropped her... for this other girl who meant nothing cuz a 'friend' told me i should.... all he saw was beauty... he didn't see what me and her had... and to this day it haunts me.. the decisions... the conversations... everything..... i loved her, she loved me and i fucked it all up....

it won't go away.... i just want to live my life... i mean, i made amends best i can.. she has a famliy who she seems to be very happy with, and of course i'm happy with mine.. but those thoughts are there.... and it drives me bat-shit insane.. i just don't know what to do anymore...

i'm at the end of my rope... i'm about ready to start on my old habbits and i'd really rather not.
slipknotpsycho Reviewed by slipknotpsycho on . anyone who understands me.... and somewhat knows me from my posts or w/e out there wanting to talk? =/ i coudl really use someone to talk to.. i dunno where to turn... Rating: 5