anyone who understands me....

[Darth Vapor]

read the link. it's all there. o yeah... self mutilation is my way of dealing with 'life' (pain) ... or atleast was from 15 up until 18.. 18 plus i usually had someone to talk to but i have no one atm... i need someone to... even if it's to tell me i'm a fucking idiot for considering it.. i just need someone to listen to me... =/ and no one's around... for the first time in 4 years....

I'll tell you who's there. How about your wife and son, and you're obsessing about some bitch from years ago? Yuck.

You're a masochist. You want pain, because it makes you feel like you're alive, and you're special. Well guess what? You're not special. If everyone was special, then noone would be special. I have some shit I wish I wouldn't have done, but cutting is soooo passe and lame, once you reach beyond puberty. Get a grip.

Darth Vapor Reviewed by Darth Vapor on 06-26-2007. anyone who understands me.... and somewhat knows me from my posts or w/e out there wanting to talk? =/ i coudl really use someone to talk to.. i dunno where to turn... Rating: 5

[slipknotpsycho]

ok if i must go into it... =/ only reason i hate saying it is because the mor eisay it the more i realize how much of an idiot i am... keep in mind i considered this dude my best friend at the time... and also, i was shy as hell... my ex wasn't the hottestgirl in the world, but the girl i left her for 'was' atleast by magazine standards...

ok me and my ex meet... we hit it off right away... talking all night on the phone... her skipping school to come see me (i was home schooled) it was like an instant attraction... but then this dude scott (dude from a local band that went ot her school) started coming in the picture more and more... one night i slipped and actualy said what i was thinking... (i was trying to tell her good night, but i was high so i said 'i love you') and at the time, i did... (shit, she's driven me crazy for years since we split up and i couldn't find her... i think you could call that love) so everythings going great.. there's no actual bf/gf status between us... but we both express DEEP DEEP intrest in each other...

this goes on for awhile.. like 2 weeks solid... we're basicly (Atleast at the time) perfect match and made for each other... we liked everything the same... etc etc... then i fuck everything up..

i'm with this friend... (and don't let this offend you... but this dude literally will date anyone so long as he gets pussy outta it, and still to this day that holds true... 600 pounds, or 100 pounds... 4 foot, or 8 foot.. and i'm not kidding, as long as he gets sex he just doesn't care) one day... when this girl i've been talking to (who i honestly wanted just as a friend.. i had no friends... i could use a couple) starts talking about how she likes me... but i start trying to push her away.. and at first he understands... he's like yeah you're already involved...

then he sees this girl's picture... if i could of changed everything (losing this first girl woulda been ok, i was a dumb ass... but live with that pain forever and making her live with it? no... i woulda change it instantly if i could have... i don't care what the girl looks like... i mean yeah i want a pretty girl and all... but personality means alot to me... if i woudla know this was gonna balloon like it did, i woluda cut it off then and there, i just never saw it coming) anways, he see's this girl.... she's like a perfect 10 in anybody's book... i don't wanna say names... but like rebgirl.... you know pretty mcuh anyone wanted to drop their pants at her..

i listen to t his stupid friend of mine... i let him tell me the girl i really did love is only a whore and everything else... and convince me of it (agian i had no friends.. the only other real friends i had... well one is responsible for my fucked up back, that willl be fucked for LIFE... and the other talked that 2nd into fucking up my back...) anyways... like an idiot i listen to him

i go after the girl who means next to nothing to me... and crush the other... the one who meant everything to me at the time.... i had even promisied her i wouldn't do that to her... she always said 'after sex, everything goes to shit' no sooner then 2 days after we had sex, everything did go to shit...

i dropped her... for this other girl who meant nothing cuz a 'friend' told me i should.... all he saw was beauty... he didn't see what me and her had... and to this day it haunts me.. the decisions... the conversations... everything..... i loved her, she loved me and i fucked it all up....

it won't go away.... i just want to live my life... i mean, i made amends best i can.. she has a famliy who she seems to be very happy with, and of course i'm happy with mine.. but those thoughts are there.... and it drives me bat-shit insane.. i just don't know what to do anymore...

i'm at the end of my rope... i'm about ready to start on my old habbits and i'd really rather not.

[slipknotpsycho]

I'll tell you who's there. How about your wife and son, and you're obsessing about some bitch from years ago? Yuck.

You're a masochist. You want pain, because it makes you feel like you're alive, and you're special. Well guess what? You're not special. If everyone was special, then noone would be special. I have some shit I wish I wouldn't have done, but cutting is soooo passe and lame, once you reach beyond puberty. Get a grip.

yeah that don't really help, besides you're pointing out the obvious...

sorry i'm not bowing down and saying 'sorry massa' over your last post... cutting is in my nature.. i'm looking for help to avoid going through that... i mean... i can... but i don't want to hurt my wfie cuz 'i give up' ... i have no friends, so this the only place i can come for help....

would you rather i give in to idiotic ideas?

[CanaDanKs Inc.]

Sorry this is completely off topic, but I have to say it here and now

crunkjuice I thought about you today,
I read a post of yours in the afternoon then headed out,
Later a friend of mine mentioned making some crunk juice sometime soon.

It reminded me of your name

Pretty fucking cute aint it :jointsmile:

[CanaDanKs Inc.]

i been thinkin about you too. wanna cyber? :wtf: hahaha just kiddin.

haha thats pretty cool. last time i checked crunk juice was henessy and red bull, if you need help makin it.

Hahahaha

My buddy's version of crunk juice was a mixed drink of marijuana and alcohol...go figure.

[slipknotpsycho]

You got MSN, Slip? Add me and we can chat.

only got yahoo =/ at this point i'd about anyone.. i REALLY need someon to talk to... even if it's to listen to my bs or tell me to shut up and listen to reason... i just neeed someon :sadcrying i've literally been teraing up for the past 30 mins

i dunno if anyone can really understand it.. i don't understand it myself... i love my wife, i love my son... i'd trade them for no one... but i got pent up feelings i can't get rid of no matter how hard i try..


cana- yes i've talked to her since, alot infact.. we've both came to the conclusion it was for the best and our correct life course.. that's why i don't understand it... we both now have famalies and this was like 7 years ago... it's like ijust can't say sorry enough.. but that's not enough cuz i've said it over and over again and she's forgaven me (with complete sincerity in her voice)

i just don't know what to do anymore... i want to live my life without this pain... i understand a certain part of that will never go away..but quite literally this much pain is ridiculous.. i mean if someone else came to me with this, i'd say they were still in love with the ex... only... i'm VERY in touch with my emotions, and not afraid to tell them... so that's not it (if you can understand that)...

it's like i still owe her something... but she lives a better life then i do.. :sadcrying i just don't know what to do anymore...

[slipknotpsycho]

c'mon guys i'm looking for help here... make a spawned from - <thread name> atleast...

[slipknotpsycho]

ok now im actually in tears....... WTF DO I DO?! i'm so lost and confused.... someone help me

[slipknotpsycho]

well self mutiation has already happened with me.. i'd just rather find a new solution but n one seems to be up to talk/capable to alk to me =/ so im at a loss... it's the first tiem i've never really had anyone...

[slipknotpsycho]

Jesus, Slip... goto CannCom chat then. I want to be able to talk in real time with you, not over the forums.

trying to get msn >.> jesus i was wondering why i hated it so much