Screw ups (sorry mods, no other term for it that i know)

[slipknotpsycho]

slipknotpsycho said...... "how would your wife feel" or simliar shit really won't work... i KNOW how they'd feel (wife or son when he got older if i followed stupid decisoins) and that's why i'm trying to find a healthy way to deal with this shit.. without breaking up mine or her family... "

Yes, it does work. It's called puting someone elses happiness before your own. It's called love. It's called being a grown up.

By the way, I'm just spit balling here, but I doubt asking the advice of Cannabis.com visitors at 3:00 a.m. really qualifies as a "healthy way to deal with this shit." YOU'RE creating this shit. YOU! JUST YOU!!! Not your wife. Not your ex. Not your son. Not your ex's child. Not your ex's new love. Not your mommy or daddy, 'cuz they didn't hug you enough. Not your mommy or daddy, 'cuz they hugged you too much. Go punch a pillow, and realize you're not that important, other than the fact that, yes, you could really screw up a good thing for everyone.

By the way, no matter how much you try to kid yourself, about how understanding and empathetic your wife is to your 'situation'... she thinks you're a complete asshole for involving her in your little guilt trip, about a stupid ex-girlfriend.

i'd really appreciate it if you'd get off my dick.

either way.... i got the answers i was looking for last night

[rebgirl420]

wow slip, thats intense....I wish i knew what to say

[Divadish]

Have these answers brought you any relief or closure ?

[slipknotpsycho]

yeah billionfold helped me alot that night... it isn't so much that i got closure.. just put things into prespective for me.

[Divadish]

That's good to hear mate, nice one Billionfold, the online agony aunt lol

[Ganj]

ever fuck up like REALLY horribly in your life... pertaining to relationships and even tho it's been years upon years you can't seem to let it go....? even tho both of you have famalies now, you just can't let it go... you have no real desire to go back with them or anything... you just feel things are 'unresolved' (best word i can think of) even tho everything has been thoroughly explained?


i dunno what to do anymore -.- i'ts really starting to get to me... i thought with time after i explained what happened it'd all just go away... but i still think about it... every fucking night... i know i'm going to regret this post later... but it's true ... i have no desire to be with my ex, we BOTH have families and i'm very happy with mine, i imagine she is with hers... but i fucked up seriously with her...

i hurt her badly, and deeply... i might as well of stuck a butcher knife in her chest... and i still to this day feel guilty over it, even tho she seems to be ok now.. i just want to be able to put this all behind me and move on.. but honestly don't think i'll be able to move on until i put this behind me... i can still feel it.... it's like i stuck the knife in my own chest.... i hurt too =/

we've already talked, afterwards i mean.. and we've already both came to the conclusion it was better, we've both apparently 'moved on' but i still feel the pain... i mean don't get me wrong, i have no desire to be with her... (and no i'm not just saying that cuz snookums will end up reading this) i really don't... i know lust/desire and it's not there... i just feel hurt... it's the only word to explain it.. i feel...... empty... (although i'm not cuz i hold love for my son and for snookums... so i can't be empty) i'm confused at what to do... i want to move on, but something isn't letting me...

help me

How can you say that? She is out enjoying her life after what happened and you are still losing sleep over it. I don't mean to sound insensitive, slip. I can imagine all the hurt I have caused my family and friends, and to think about all that pain is far too much for one heart to bare. I cry and when I wipe the tears of the past away, things become to take shape and form perspective. Stop perpetuating your misery, slip. It'll kill you, man.

[verdure]

I often wonder what keeps us stuck. I read somewhere once that it is the same thing that keeps the animal in its cage, even when the door is open and he has the chance to walk free. Habit.

When you donâ??t know what else to do other than feel how youâ??ve felt for so long, it makes it hard to comprehend when someone says to you: just get over it. Itâ??s then that you must ask yourself (in Dr. Philâ??s southern drawl) â??Howâ??s that workinâ?? for ya?â?�

If you think you are somehow honoring her by clinging to the pain and guilt, and that somehow by informing her of it, some miraculous healing will take place, then you are mistaken. I think you know that already. Be reassured - there is nothing wrong with what you are feeling! Be empowered - you have a choice as to how you deal with this now. Stay stuck, or use your pain as a catalyst for positive change.

I love the idea of writing her a letter. That may seem overwhelming at first but just block off some time and sit down alone and make yourself do it. Just start anywhere and just write and write and write. Everything you have mentioned, all your regrets, all the things you would have done differently, and how all that has made you the man you are today, etc. You will be amazed at what will come to your brain when you start to get it down on paper. Then DO NOT send it to her. Get rid of it. Itâ??s even therapeutic in how you destroy it: set it on fire or tear it up into tiny little pieces, throw it away then take the trash out. Let all of it go, once and for all. What would honor her (and more importantly, your wife) most would be you doing a little work to get yourself to a place where you can finally forgive yourself. All my best.

[yoda]

maybe there is still some resentment? or words left unsaid?

[BlAzInIt4:20]

How can you say that? She is out enjoying her life after what happened and you are still losing sleep over it. I don't mean to sound insensitive, slip. I can imagine all the hurt I have caused my family and friends, and to think about all that pain is far too much for one heart to bare. I cry and when I wipe the tears of the past away, things become to take shape and form perspective. Stop perpetuating your misery, slip. It'll kill you, man.

i have been trying to figure out how to let my pain out, and to not look back... and i think i completely understand what your saying... i have been doing this lately, and man i believe it is working, just move on forgive forget... know that love will come again, and pain is only for the moment not to hold on to forever,.

I feel so much better after getting this concept into my head.. The weight of pain has been lifted and it feels good.

[2600HERTZ]

Maybe you feel empty because after all the discussion between you and her of this issue...you left on an angry or disappointing note. I ran into this one time with a girl. What I did was think long and hard and remember something I knew she loved but that only her and I would understand, I made her a gift that dealt with that thing she loved in some way and I left it on her porch. I knew that she would see it and she would smile, and know who it was from. And that made me feel ok, it was my way of closing things on a positive note.