In studies of people who're considered promiscuous, though, a simple love for and desire for lots of sex isn't what's found. The link between "promiscuity" and low self-esteem has been proven many times, clear back to the days of the Kinsey studies in the 40s and 50s.

I'm not saying there aren't people who like sex and crave a lot of it. There are. And then there are people who're downright sexually compulsive, who're using sex really as a substitue for something else, almost getting a high off it. Those people have major issues and almost need 12-step help for sex addicts.

I actually struggle with the word "promiscuity" because it's a word that carries with it a lot of judgment, I think. But particularly with women who have lots and lots of partners, the research has shown that they're often acting out other issues by choosing all those partners, either a need to find love (as opposed to sex) or replace affection that was missing in their family of origin, or replace affection and attention they didn't get from their male parent. There are lots of reasons.

The link to low self-esteem is fairly easy to understand if you know how people, particulary women, are wired. Under normal circumstances, we're genetically and evolutionarily driven toward choosing a single, steady partner. That's in our genetic makeup because, of course, we bear children and so need to find a solid, steady partner who'll be in there with us for the long run, helping raise that child. Men are less inclined toward monogamy and, consequently, have a higher ratio of sex partners. But when folks aren't feeling good about themselves, they'll often jump from partner to partner, looking for a partner to satisfy some need that's not being met elsewhere. There's where the esteem issue comes in. And particularly with women, who are, as a rule, more sexually satisfied with a partner they know, love and trust (this has to do with a recent study done in the Netherlands about orgasmic ability being found to be possible under circumstances where there's no fear or mistrust), repeated, frequent nearly anonymous partners aren't what do the trick emotionally or sexually for us.

So that's where the link between promiscuity and low-self-esteem come in. I inevitably get lots of "Oh, that's just bogus" comments from young men, but you can research the studies for yourselves and see that I'm citing valid information and reasons here. I've also volunteered in a women's crisis center for many many years. Those ladies, many of whom have abusive, awful partners, are the epitome of low self-esteem. If they weren't they wouldn't choose people who treated them so badly. Before settling on their partners, they inevitably had numerous other sexual partners, none of them satisfying, loving, or long-lasting relationships. If they'd had a little more belief in themselves and their value, they'd have been able to hold out and find someone who'd treat them decently instead of just jump from bed to bed with succession of Mr. Wrongs. When women like themselves, they value the emotional intimacy that comes along with physical, and they aren't so quick to spread their legs for someone unless it's clear he's capable of both.