I see a big red flag that Tom has work left to do on himself. Maybe deep down he is still in love with his ex-wife, or at least has not forgiven himself for the mistakes he once made as a married man, or grieved his failed marriage properly. I donâ??t think enough people take the time and make the commitment to do all that, if any, intensive internal work after every relationship. Itâ??s really difficult to do, but if itâ??s not done then they bring old junk into a new relationship. Itâ??s especially not fair when the other person has gotten over their ex and does not punish their new partner for mistakes the old one made.

I hear Tom saying that itâ??s sad for the kids. God forbid a woman utter that she wants to be married to a man that she loves, as that is so Victorian for 2007, but talk about old-fashioned â?? staying together for kidsâ?? sakes! That is a horrible argument in Tomâ??s defense. Kids are one of the worst reasons ever for two people stay together, much less get married. Seems like she is a strong and independent enough to know this already. Perhaps she has a shitty family and is trying to build the life that she knows she and her kids deserve. I hope that she recognizes her patterns and is still working on herself too. If the woman had a good head on her shoulders, I bet she offered counseling already.

Surely she never said: donâ??t ever talk to another woman. We all know that is an unrealistic request. Exactly how inappropriately Mr. â??I did not have sexual relations with that womanâ?ť really was is likely another story. Shall we get into what is technically defined as sex and/or what officially constitutes an affair? When youâ??re in a monogamous relationship, I believe it encompasses more than just his dick in another womanâ??s pussy. They might have disagreed on that.

Surely they had their little quarrels, as every couple does, but if the knock down drag out fights were repeatedly on this issue of marriage, then I donâ??t guess communication was a problem. Both are probably being honest about what they want, unfortunately it is still two very different things. The two of them have very differing values on family and commitment and it seems too late for either to compromise now.

While Tom claims that they have much in common, oddly enough he doesnâ??t seem to be madly in love with her. Tom even said he is not ready to marry her anyway! Knowing this, she is supposed to just sit and wait for him to fall in love with her? No doubt Tom really loves them, but it sounds like he is just accustomed to her and her kids, which is not the same as knowing that you have found your soulmate. Will Tom be sad for some time while he re-adjusts to life without them? Iâ??m sure they all are sad. A year and a half is indeed a considerable amount of time, but some people may disagree.

Tom is probably just wrestling with himself because he knows that she was a great woman who was in love with him, and Tom is probably a really great guy too, but no matter how hard he tried, he just could not force himself to feel the same way about her. He shouldn't have to because true love doesn't work like that.