I KNOW THIS IS LONG, BUT PLEASE READ IT AND POST YOUR OPINION. Thanks.

So, this friend of mine came to smoke with me and while we were talking, he expressed a dilemma he is having in his relationship. He asked me what I thought he should do, but I really don't know what to tell him, so I though I would be able to get a wide range of answers from here and go pawn them off as my own...lol j/k about that last part.

Anyway, so this friend of mine, we'll call him Tom. He has a child. He has been with his girlfriend (who has 2 kids) for 1.5 years. Tom's dilemma is this. He loves his girlfriend. They are totally compatible (i.e. same type of career, children, maturity and intelligence level, etc).

The thing is that back when Tom and his girlfriend had been dating about 7 months or so, she started talking about marriage. Now Tom had made it clear in the beginning of the relationship that he was not partial to being married again due to a sour first marriage and a lousy divorce. He told her that he was not ready yet and that he'd rather her just enjoy being a couple for a while instead of rushing ahead. She stayed with him.

Tom and his gf moved in together to an apartment, with their children and all...she was first against this because she thought that they should be married, yet because she loved him, she sacrificed this want and moved in anyway.

Every time she watched a movie with a couple or a family, she would be sad. Tom would of course want to know why she was sad, so she told him that she didn't know why they couldn't just be married, since they were living that way pretty much anyway. This happened often, so Tom felt she was always bringing up the marriage issue and he was not ready. This would cause them to argue frequently. She said that if she was married that she would not have anything else to argue about.

A month or two went by, and Tom wanted to buy a house. This brought up the marriage situation again and things again got sticky. She still wanted what she wanted and she was not ready to go into a house with someone she was not married to. Tom was not ready yet.

I would also like to add on a side note that Tom had hurt her on a couple occasions during their relationship by talking to other women. He never actually slept with anyone from what he told me, but since he hid it from her, he did enough to hurt her and to make her consider leaving him. She stayed anyway...but I think this might have contributed to any future mistrust. She thought that he would have to be more accountable for himself if they were married. She also wanted the respect of being a wife instead of a "girlfriend." She thinks that maybe he needs to spend some time being single and "sow his wild oats" to get any of that out of his system and then he might be ready for marriage.


SO, they have broken up...she moved out and he says he doesn't know what to do. He loves her and her kids, but he said that he felt pressured throughout most of the relationship, and that he never really got a chance to "feel" it. The only way for him to get her back is to ask her to marry him. What should he do? He's a good friend/father/person and I feel bad for him because he's usually a pretty happy guy but he's been sulking around lately, so I hope I can help him. Whew...that was a lot to type. He'll owe me one.


What should Tom do?




The Fog :rastasmoke:
TheGreenFog Reviewed by TheGreenFog on . Tom needs your help I KNOW THIS IS LONG, BUT PLEASE READ IT AND POST YOUR OPINION. Thanks. :) So, this friend of mine came to smoke with me and while we were talking, he expressed a dilemma he is having in his relationship. He asked me what I thought he should do, but I really don't know what to tell him, so I though I would be able to get a wide range of answers from here and go pawn them off as my own...lol j/k about that last part. Anyway, so this friend of mine, we'll call him Tom. He has a child. He Rating: 5