I'm sorry you are so down, right now. It will pass, eventually. Do you have a good friend you can talk to? I know you are seeing a psychologist, but I know there are things that kids would NEVER tell an adult. (I saw a shrink when I was in my teens, too.)

I'm guessing you're out of pot. Asking if some kind friend would smoke you up might help. Be honest with them how you've been feeling. A dealer friend came over the day I learned my Mom had suicided. We were flat broke. She took one look at me and handed me a small baggie of Columbian and said "Pay me when you can." Suicide can really screw up the surviving family. And that's all I'm going to say on that subject.

Next, your girl "said no" to you. Was this like "No, I won't go out partying with you tonight 'cause I promised Julie we'd go to the mall"? Or was it more "No, I don't want to be with you,'cause of what Julie told me about you and I promised her I'd break up with you"? I imagine it is somewhere in between. Remember teenaged girls are fickle and changeable. If she doesn't want you- it's her loss!

Yeah, I know you've loved her for a long time, but come on, my boy, it really hasn't been all that long. And there WILL be other girls! The kind of pain you're in right now hurts a lot, but it will get less. Just take a little time.

You've been held back in school? That IS a bummer. That is something you need to do something about. I work at a school (I'm that older teacher's aide, who is always smiling) I wish you were near by, I could help you. An easy way to study is get a tape recorder (check the thrift shops) and read your reading assignment into it. Play it 4 or 5 times and you will know your history, biology or whatever!

You need a job. I'm not sure how old you are, but there are summer jobs available. A "McJob" is better than nothing. So shower and shave, and head down to EDD, or if you're really to young to work and live where there's lawns. Take your lawn mower and go door to door offering to mow lawns for $10- this was a common way in the 1950s for kids to make money- and most of us just had "push" mowers and, yes, it was hard work. We got 50 cents to a dollar per yard. (Exercise is essential in fighting depression, according to a recent study- so go for a walk in the park if nothing else.)

Next, most folks don't realize that your diet has a LOT to do with how you feel. I think you need some "B" vitamins. Some of the "B" family of vitamins help you keep your head on straight. Without them, you can get depressed or a bit crazy. They are water soluble and the get flushed out of your body every day. So you need them every day. The good news is they are cheap! I usually can find them at the Dollar Store - a one month's supply for a buck. They're about twice that at Walmart. Eat as healthily as your family's budget will allow. (Sometimes I think there is a deliberate conspiracy to keep the poor unhealthy so they have less energy to think of revolution.)

You will sleep soon, but right now, you are sleep deprived. You can get paranoid, depressed even worse, or even hallucinate from lack of sleep. You sure as hell aren't thinking straight- lack of sleep is really tough on the brain! Make something warm and soothing- chicken soup, cocoa, chamomile tea. Drink it and go to bed. Being tired only makes things seem worse.

Child, you are at the bottom right now- there isn't anywhere to go but up. And things WILL get better! But for now, eat something, then get some sleep! Take care of yourself! There are people who love you and care about you. Even if you and your family are having problems, they DO love you. Please don't do to them what my Mom did to me. Someone once said that suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Your life will be good again! (((big cyber hug))) - Granny:hippy: