Ugh, i feel so stupid posting this but its been on my mind for a while. And i need to vent my thoughts.

i am about to turn 18 and i've never done anything with anyone. The closest i've been to sex would be a "hello" hug. (aww, the phrase "hello hug" sounds so cute).
So after trying litterally everything i could think of to get a date (causing me a world of trouble mentally) i decided to train myself not to want companionship of that kind. I live way to this day.
But its becoming clearer and more apparent that i'm living a lie. I cannot shake the need to be with someone.

So my questions are these. I have extream anxiaty about EVERYTHING. So i need some reasurence that sexual things aren't anything to worry about. My first kiss, should i just kiss whoever will kiss back or wait until i get a gf/bf?
Is sex or a gf/bf something i can live without? And since i've never had any chances what so ever on getting a date (No one had ever like me in that way) i have absolutly no confidence in myself.
I would like a gf/bf but i'm pretty damn scared. Don't really know why but it scares the hell out of me more then death, more then pain.

I also need help figuring out why i have the problem of no one liking me. Just for closure, cuz i've been trying to figure out why since i was 12. I used to have lots of confidence, i tried everything i can think of trying encluding not trying. It leads me to belive that there is no trick to it, and that just doesn't seem possible.

Seriously, its been getting to me so much that its ruining my life. I dropped out of school cuz i couldn't take seeing all the couples. I can't work for pretty much the same reason. I don't hang out with many girls or gay/bisexual men because if i start liking them in that way i'll start despising them to the point where i can't be around them without becoming quietly enraged. Man my coping skills must be terrible now that i think about it.

Anyway, i am very unstable because of it. (Weed works wonders for my mood and thoughts though, helps keep me sane for some reason. Why?) I have it in my head that i would be a lot better off if i just had sex once or even kissed someone but my mental state and lot in life prevents me from doing that. Thoughts?
Mr Greenthumb Reviewed by Mr Greenthumb on . Several Questions Ugh, i feel so stupid posting this but its been on my mind for a while. And i need to vent my thoughts. i am about to turn 18 and i've never done anything with anyone. The closest i've been to sex would be a "hello" hug. (aww, the phrase "hello hug" sounds so cute). So after trying litterally everything i could think of to get a date (causing me a world of trouble mentally) i decided to train myself not to want companionship of that kind. I live way to this day. But its becoming clearer Rating: 5