ive been experiencing these bad highs recently and its starting to ruin the quality and outlook of my life. first, let me address that ive been smoking for a few years and never had a bad time up until 4 months ago. since then ive started to get really down on myself, felt paranoid, felt stressed out about problems that i think i have, felt out of control, afraid of what people thought about me and just overall shitty when i get high.. i was really trippin out because i never felt like this b4 so instead of quitting for a while, which i thought was probably the best thing to do, i continued to smoke to sort of"challenge" myself and to hopefully to get out of this "funk" i was in because i really miss the fun times..i thought of it as "manning up" to it because i felt like i was on some sissy shit.. that was a dumb move on my part.. my highs got worst... smoking with my friends became a nightmare.. i felt like they were all siting there judging and talking shit about me.. I became really irritated and would blow up on them if i felt they were looking at me wrong, almost causing a fight sometimes... they mustve thought i was an idiot or something... i felt really dumb afterward... i tried to smoke with other people and other groups of friends, but still the same feelings of paranoia, awkwardness, and irritableness came about... i felt like my "reputation" was ruined and i felt like i had lost the respect of others.. anyway sorry to go off on my social status or whatever but even when i smoked by myself i still felt shitty. i would think of all the bad times i had, thought about all the negatives in my life, and jus ended up hating myself...it was like my mind was stuck in quicksand of negative thoughts... at first i only felt like this when i was high, but these feelings and thoughts started to become me. i felt depressed and even suicidal for weeks after i stoped smoking. i lost my self-esteem and life was miserable.. i wish to enjoy it one day again but thats seems impossible with the way my mind set is... its obvious that i should jus stop smokin it altogether, which i have been doing and i am starting to feel like myself again, but will i ever enjoy it again????