Help

[nightlight]

It is like hitting the reverse pedal to go forward...
It is the same metaphor as the Frog who jumps 1/2 of what he previously jumped. Stop jumping. Stop stopping.

it sounds like you could use some alan w. watts right about now. have you read the wisdom of insecurity?

[nightlight]

The closer you get to getting rid of ego the crazier it gets. It thinks it is life when it really is nothing.

But to conciously rid yourself of the ego only adds to it.

[thcbongman]

I dont know what happened
but
I discovered a certain clarity in all things
1
I am
trying
Using a mirror
to reach the Infinity
0
1
8
Infinity is everything
the symbol
my whole life
all connected
Give me guidance PLEASE
I am ordering the key
but I want totality
guide me

I advise you to take a break from the psychedelics for a while. Constant ego loss is not healthy for your mentality.

[afghooey]

Strange...
I'm still at Clarity, I haven't really transcended weak-clarity,
Power is still developing.
Faith is slowly building.
It will come when it's ready.

It's like you find out you're slowly killing yourself, you're hurting your own life due to a part of you you always took for granted...
And then one moment you're looking for something you never knew you lost,
the next... There is no spoon.

I think we're programmed our whole lives to think that something is missing... that there is something greater that we must seek.

The funny thing is that by thinking this way we really are missing something: the knowledge that there is nothing missing at all, there never was anything missing in the first place. This knowledge has the tendency to slip away far too easily. It's easy to forget because our whole way of thinking is so entangled with this idea that we have to find something more.

So we have to untangle the snarls that keep us tied to our old attitudes and habits... follow the thread back... start at the open end and keep following it, working it out little by little.

Good luck, Inferius. And thanks for choosing to share your thoughts, some of them have helped me in my own 'untangling' process to be sure.

P.S. ... forgive me for that cryptic little comment earlier. I meant it when I said it, but it seems out of context now.

[Inferius]

Nono, not out of context, you were right on, it just took me a while to get it.

Good luck to you too,
I hope all of those who wish it end up with just a big string to play with rather than the ball we've been slowly trapping ourselves in...

And no I haven't been using anything other than weed lately,
haven't read Wisdom of Insecurity but did manage to get Be Here Now by Ram

Thanks everyone,
if any of you want someone to talk to reply to this thread and we'll exchange w/e.

[afghooey]

Do you have AIM?

[PureEvil760]

I advise you to take a break from the psychedelics for a while. Constant ego loss is not healthy for your mentality.

lol..having ego is not healthy at all. Its like having a disease that ensures death with only 10% life span, so its like your going to die at age 10 when you could die at 100. But in reality you might live to be 100 with ego, but without you could live to 2000.

[Inferius]

This body I inhabit got drunk and high and some other wierd thing last night, and I had a huge spiritual awakening.
All the problems of the world are illusions. We imprison ourselves in the past and hide in the future, and the whole story of adam and eve and the fruit all makes sense now. The sins of the parents will pass on to the child. From a young age we are taught to use our humanity to fill us, to use all the sensory indulgences to make us feel "right". What was wrong with how we felt before that? Nothing. God is perfect. We are perfect. Nothing can touch me and nothing ever did, but the illusion of the ego was always trying to force the sensory expirience into a spiritual/emotional one. It's a lie. And until we recognize this lie, this prison humanity puts themselves in, we can never slip through the false-self-imposed bars.

Physically, my rational mind compares adam and eve to be the pre-rationality Apes. They still lived with pure unconditional love, with the spirit of god and instinct at all times. But the fruit "knoledge, rational evolution" and satan "the slippery indulgences of codependant instant gratification" both led humanity astray, led us to beleive that the only way we could find purity in life was if we could obtain the narcissism and codependant life of judgment, of the uncreative false dichotomy of Take.

Buddhism is making sense.

My question to any enlightened beings on here then, is what is True Intimacy?
In all of my human memories, I do not recall a truly healthy relationship with truly healthy intimacy. A dinner with my step mom and dad proved scary, my ego has slowly been getting smaller and smaller and I see now how the faculties of mans denial and self-degrading constantly protective ego lead to Adult relationships. In the yin and yang of the relationship, my father is the self-sacrificial Optimistic one, who tries as hard as he can to push others into his illusion of happyness, while still maintaining a judgemental attitude so as to feel superior. My step mom always the victim, always correcting my father, just another copy of my mother in the dominant/codependancy.
The essence of their desires and fears directed towards me seems to be that suffering seeks suffering, and in my spiritual peace they saw only their own fears. My head was empty, and I get it now how this works. All of our lives we're just staring into a mirror, living in this dream world of fear, constantly fighting, constantly rationalizing, constantly looking for a way out of this pain.

What is intimacy? If two beings who don't desire to use each other as a crutch come together, in pure love and acceptance, then what is intimacy?

Dispassion allows me to see with clarity, but now that I do, I find my rational mind is awakened in the fear of seeing the illusions of others, but not knowing how to interact and possibly shed some light on the situation without indulging in the dance of egos. I find that the longer a person stays in my prescence, the quicker they want to get away. In their minds, they fill my head with their own sobbing child, and in my eyes see only the pain in themselves. They want to get away. Tonight I did absolutely nothing, I ate dinner quietly and observed, I did my best to dispel all fears and desires, and watching the situation I saw so much pain, so much artificiality or childishness of emotional immaturity. I wasn't trying to find fault with them, but maybe thats exactly what I was really doing. Still, if nothing is any more important than anything else, how the fuck do I interact with people? After not projecting on them, how do I???????

[jsn9333]

If a lot of people are wanting to get away from you, like you say, then you're probably acting wierd. Lay off the drugs for a while. Seriously. You are also showing some signs of schizophrenia. Trust me. When I was younger doing massive amounts of cannabis like 4 times a day (and some other "wierd" drugs like LSD, etc. on a weekly basis) I began showing signs of schizophrenia. I know what I'm talking about. Disorganized Thoughts and Speech is one sign (which is why so many people responded to this thread with "WTF", "shut up", and "stop being wierd"). I mean, that in and of itself isn't terrible. Some people sort of caught on and have been talking with you, so its not like you're insane or anything. But Megalomania is another sign (and it seems to me that you seem to imply most everyone you interact with is artificial or childish). I'm not saying your crazy. But you're showing some little signs or cues that would cause a psychiatrist some concern.

Seriously, lay off the drugs for a while. If you absolutely need them, try to keep it to at the *most* twice a week and only moderate alcohol or cannabis. Do not get "high out of your mind". Try to do without them at all for a while if you can. Schizophrenia can be triggered by heavy use of hallucinogenic or stimulant drugs. (1) Also, there is evidence that cannabis use can contribute to schizophrenia. (2) (just two of the many scientific studies showing this are listed below, with their journal names in case anyone wants to look them up)

Before people flame me, please understand that I'm not saying cannabis, even heavy use, always leads to mental problems or even most of the time. But there are individuals who are susceptible to certain types of mental problems from drug use, especially frequent or heavy use. I personally came down with some pretty intense paranoid delusions and delusions of grandeur when I was younger. They effected me in major ways socially. I had to lay off drugs and alcohol for a year before I began thinking and acting normally again.

I thank God almost daily now that eventually I was able to see how sick I was. You may see from some of my other posts here that I'm a Christian. But I'm not saying these things to "scare you away from Buddism" or whatever spiritual path you're travelling right now. If you're starting to understand Buddism, then great! I'm happy for you. But seriously... as a friend and one whose been where you are I'm telling you, seriously, you need to lay off the drugs. They can do very bad things to you.

I'm not saying you're nearly as sick as I was, or even sick at all. But you asked for help. That is all I'm trying to do. I highly suggest you lay off drugs for a while. I am convinced that will help you learn, as you say, "how to interact with people."

1. Mueser KT, Yarnold PR, Levinson DF, et al (1990). Prevalence of substance abuse in schizophrenia: demographic and clinical correlates. Schizophrenic Bulletin, 16(1), 31â??56. PMID 2333480

2. Arseneault L, Cannon M, Witton J, Murray RM (2004). Causal association between cannabis and psychosis: examination of the evidence. British Journal of Psychiatry, 184, 110-7. PMID 14754822 Full text

This body I inhabit got drunk and high and some other wierd thing last night, and I had a huge spiritual awakening....
[...]
... Dispassion allows me to see with clarity, but now that I do, I find my rational mind is awakened in the fear of seeing the illusions of others, but not knowing how to interact and possibly shed some light on the situation without indulging in the dance of egos. I find that the longer a person stays in my prescence, the quicker they want to get away. In their minds, they fill my head with their own sobbing child, and in my eyes see only the pain in themselves. They want to get away. Tonight I did absolutely nothing, I ate dinner quietly and observed, I did my best to dispel all fears and desires, and watching the situation I saw so much pain, so much artificiality or childishness of emotional immaturity. I wasn't trying to find fault with them, but maybe thats exactly what I was really doing. Still, if nothing is any more important than anything else, how the fuck do I interact with people? After not projecting on them, how do I???????

[beachguy in thongs]

Jimi Hendrix used to live in a roomful of mirrors.
All he could say was (himself).
Then he took his spirit and smashed the mirrors.
And then the whole world was here for him to see.

Now he's searching for his love to be.

And if you find infinity, how are you gonna remember the rest?