Social Anxiety Disorder

[Nailhead]

There's also the fear of saying the wrong thing, I would often say one thing then repeat it in my head a hundred times, thinking of all the different ways I could and should have said it.

I do that too, and that scene in "Harold and Kumar" at the beginning with the guy thinking about talking to that girl in the elevator....oh my god that was probably the funniest scene from any movie for me because that's how I am every day lol

I find this thread interesting because I have noticed that lately I have become more and more closed off to relationships. I've always been a quiet person, but lately I've been feeling more and more disconnected with my friends and family, and I know it isn't healthy. Shit, if it weren't for the internet I don't know what I would do in my free time lol

I obviously can't speak as a success story, but I do think the best treatment is to force yourself into going out and spending time with friends or family, and if you don't have any friends, push yourself to talk to others despite how awkward it might feel.

What I keep thinking about is the end result, I don't want to become that quiet 50 year old that lives by himself and his only life is when he leaves for work....basically that is me now only I'm still young so I just don't want to be close to death and at this same point! Just the thought of that is enough to push me to go for those awkward moments. It's weird because I want to say "don't worry about what others think about you", but I know that is of no help at all because I really don't care what anybody thinks about me, but I still have this problem. Perhaps it is a more sub-conscious issue that therapy could help, well, I'm sure of it, but I'm more afraid of calling a shrink than calling an old friend so I doubt I will ever seek professional help.

[expirator]

"Social anxiety disorder, also called social phobia, is an anxiety disorder in which a person has an excessive and unreasonable fear of social situations. Anxiety (intense nervousness) and self-consciousness arise from a fear of being closely watched, judged and criticized by others. Many people are uneasy with shyness in others, especially in cultures which value individuality and taking charge."

This disorder has pleged my entire adolescence and early adulthood life, Being the shy guy..has really effected my soical life, obviously. Relationships, are what make life worth living... and it really kills you when you cant shake this anxiety. When I'm with my few good friends(life-long buddies), family. I'm super outgoing and social. But when you put me in an unknown group of people, or around females...I shut off. I want the relationship with the person but it becomes a forced thing...It cant just come "natural" because of my anxiety. "Why is your friend so quite?"... I see men walking around with beautiful girlfriends.. I want that..kind of relationship so badly you can taste it... but to get that you gotta speak up. The anxiety has a hold around my balls and wont let go...It just wont.. People say man, Just get over it and lighten up...as if social anxiety disorder was a light switch that one could turn on and off. If I could I would...it's not that easy.

This of course has lead to some major depression, Which has lead to alcohol to numb the pain.. alcohol-depression go hand in hand... I've been down some dark roads with that evil tonic. I'm just know getting off the souce and trying to face my problems head on.

Sorry for the post, Just had to get some stuff off my chest. Now it's time to face the world...either they accept or reject me, I can only be me...

Good day.

Thank you for your bravery, standing up for social anxious people everywhere, including me. I have had problems being addicted to drugs and MAJOR depression. I just was about to kill myself tonight, but marijuana saved my life. I am so socially anxious that I can't even share my thoughts with my own family. I would try to hold a normal conversation with even my brother. Part of this problem lies, in my "people pleaser" mentality. Instead of connecting the idea of what they are saying to experiences I've had in my past and responding in a way that has helped me personally solve the problem, I would just nod, or give a laugh that would try to disguise the fact that I felt SOO anxious and awkward that I couldn't work up the confidence to sustain the pressure put upon me by other individuals eye gazes. Marijuana helped me sustain this pressure from their eyes and their attentions being put on me to respond with something funny, interesting, or "real", for lack of a better word. With this ability to withstand the gaze of their eyes I was able to have meaningful conversations with my friends and my family and this hot Asian girl!!!! Well anyway, I was so depressed, I was just about to take a crapload of xanax, (which I obtained by lying to a psychiatrist to get the drug and to sell it for money) take a couple shots (which with xanax synthesize with because of the synergistic effect on the gaba recepter), and say goodbye.

MY GOD THANK YOU WEED.

what is a good strain to smoke for anxiety?

I know a strain, the one I am smoking now. I however did not catch the name when I bought it from my friend. So, I will ask him!!! tomorrow I will edit this part of the post with the strain name.

4. This is the biggest one, the one that totally changed my social outlook and feelings. I finally decided to socialize after taking some of that special bud. You know, the bud that's just so wonderful you're in a state of ecstasy. The one where you just wanna eat Mango's Doughnuts Mandarines and Apples. Don't make it a habbit, just use this special bud as a tool once or twice. You'll finally get that perspective on socializing where you can relax.

Hey mrdevious, I agree with everything that you posted up until the last number (#4). I wouldn't recommend taking Mcdonalds Dentists to Make Aquaintances. Why? because in my personal experience, it has had some even more depressing side effects than are necessary. For example, marijuana is a good substitute. It cures my social anxiety (see above) and it doesn't make me too depressed after I come down (not that I wouldn't be depressed without the weed). Taking Mcdonalds Dentists to Make Aquaintances just does not seem like the best alternative when marijuana is available. Some people may say that one is more comfortable and socially inclined when taking Mcdonalds Dentists to Make Aquaintances, but from personal experience the learned social communication patterned while taking Mcdonalds Dentists to Make Aquaintances are less memorable than those of marijuana.

Dude i used to have that same problem. And i really feel for you. But recentley i have been turning my life completly around and its because of one thing. The Secret! It has completly changed my life. The secret is a book about the law of attraction. And it has been made into the DVD. Ive seen the DVD and want to read the book. Its verry good. Its kinda a tough concept to swollow at first but when you stick to it you will eventually get it. You can check out their web site at Law of Attraction :: The Secret :: Official Web Site of The Secret Movie, And It will change your life if you are willing to accept it. Or you can read a book called "The Science of Getting Rich" by Wallace D. Wattles. This is the book that the secret was based off of. Try it out dude. If you stick to it i guarentee success. But you have to stick to it. And it takes time.

Thanks for the tip about the movie / book that will give me the secret to the laws of attraction. I read the wikipedia to learn a little bit about the laws of attraction and I am going to buy the dvd from amazon. From what I have read however, I have found out that the laws of attraction are believing so hard that you can get something, focusing in on that thing, imagining that you have the thing (whatever it may be), and that thing will come to you with time. This is all true in my experience as well. When I want something bad enough (which weed helps me with) then things around me seem to work for me. I no longer have to handle ALL the pressure of thinking and worrying about how to obtain the object that I want so bad. All my life I have been lying, I have been a pathological lie-r (how the FUCK do you spell that word) because I was just trying to please the people around me to fool them into thinking that I was the person that following their sentences and keeping up with the "thought train" (or the momentum of logic traveling between the participants of the social interaction). I was just trying to slough off the fact that I had no idea, NO IDEA, how to share myself with other people. I am going to order the DVD and watch it, possibly many many times, and hopefully it will expand on the information I read in the wikipedia page. Quick question to anyone who is familiar with the laws of attraction... how do multi-taskers work if one must be concentrated on what one wants to recieve. In other words how do multitaskers (if the laws of attraction are valid) get two things at once, when they can only want one reallly bad?

LASTLY (sorry for the long post), I would like to give a big thanks to all of you guys for saving my life. You were here at just the right time, along with weed. But yea, I hope to hear back from you all!

[expirator]

I guess you can't edit you post more than one time because I couldn't click edit on my last post. But that's besides the point, what I'm trying to say is I also am looking to slowly ween off of marijuana as a solution for my social anxiety. Marijuana creates memory loss and slow thinking in math related issues for me. I would like to be as clear minded as I am when I am high, when I'm not. I will follow many of your suggestions to force myself into social situations that I feel awkward in, but I don't know if I will be able to bear them when I finally get off the weed entirely. If anyone has any more suggestions, then pleaaaaase, let me know!!! Thanks!

[uncleweed]

Dude, I am having the same issue and it sucks, I know.

Close relationships are hard to form and they take time, if you (or me) can't open up to people then it is a lot more difficult to spend time with them and build those bonds.

My issues are mainly because I moved a lot as a kid (probably every year or two), so I never got around to forming those childhood bonds with people.

Next time you are enxious, just keep telling yourself that everyone is just people, just like everyone else.... just be nice to people.

The issue I have is that I find myself having nothing to say to people... so it's kind of hard to maintain conversation, also in new situations its hard to judge what appropriate conversation topics can be...

[expirator]

Thanks for the reply uncleweed,

I agree with you. It is very soothing to know that the other people out there are feeling some of the same feelings that I am (although its hard to realize this sometimes even when I repeat that in my head) I think I will try the slow breathing technique mentioned by mrdevious

2. Keep your breathing in mind, and keep the breaths slow and deep.

combined with the constant injection of my vulnerable little self into awkward settings.

I have experienced similar feelings that I have nothing to say in a conversation. It was hard to explain to people that I had nothing to say because I had nothing to say about me saying nothing but weed helped me with this one.

I believe that you do have something to say in conversations uncleweed. Everyone has associations with what other people say. Of course you may not always have an association with everything everyone says, but you can associate to most things I find, however obscure the association. This association is what keeps conversations going for me. What worked for me here is again weed. Specifically the element of the THC to slow down my thoughts just enough to where I could vocalize what I needed to say to bounce the conversation ball back in their court. (BTW don't be scared of this conversation ball) for so long I was afraid when the ball would land in my court. I am still EXTREMELY fearful of this ball when I am sober. WEEED. 'nough said.

Additionally, uncleweed, I believe this connects with your inability to say appropriate things at the right time. I have had this problem myself. From my experience, I have found that I say inappropriate things when my mind wonders. My mind will first stay on the conversation topic (although my attention, when I'm sober is not devoted fully to the conversation), then it will tend to wonder off. When my mind wonders off, it tends to go to "inappropriate" topics such as sex. Because I fear speaking up at the "appropriate" time, I will speak at a more inappropriate time. This more inappropriate time will be when my mind was on an inapropriate subject. Again I will recommend just slowing your mind down. If you want an appropriate topic, start with hello. Then follow the flow of the conversation, and direct your attention carefully to the "thought-train" (or the momentum of logic traveling between the participants of the social interaction. sometimes listening is more important than talking for me.

Let me know what y'all think

[dfunkk]

Thank you for your bravery, standing up for social anxious people everywhere, including me. I just was about to kill myself tonight, but marijuana saved my life.

I'm really glad you stuck with it man. I've definitely been there, so close to just ending it all due to this awful disorder. Being able to socialize with others seems such a necessary part of life, and when you struggle so much with something that seems to come so naturally to others, yet seems out of your control, I know that I wonder what the point of sticking around is. Social anxiety makes you feel self-conscious 24-7 and causes you to underestimate yourself in everything you do. I'm sure this is not news to any of you. But for anyone else that's feeling like they want to give up, please know that social anxiety does not have to be a permanent problem! I definitely am not fully over my social anxiety at all, but I have so much hope now looking back at all of the process I've made just through talking to a therapist over the past year. It's definitely improved my conversation skills and helped me to see my negative thoughts from a different perspective. I still think so irrationally but at least I recognize when I do. One thing I don't feel like I have in common with a lot of others is that I feel like smoking bud intensifies my social anxiety. I still love smoking by myself, but anytime I'm around others, even my boyfriend who is one of the few people I feel completely comfortable around, I find myself feeling far more anxious. Maybe this is because I started smoking weed at a young age and as I've gotten older and my social anxiety has worsened, smoking weed and drinking alcohol, I find cause me to feel far more awkward and unable to think of things to say in social situations. Anyways, I want to thank all of you. It feels so good to know that when I feel so isolated, I don't need to, knowing I'm not alone in this. To all of you dealing with social anxiety and depression, keep on truckin'...we'll get through this. Much love.:hippy:
Also...I may start on some sort of anxiety and antidepressant medication this week. It's taken me almost 2 years to come to this decision, only because when I become depressed due to my anxiety amongst other things, I find it nearly impossible to pull myself out of it without help. I become a completely different person and I cannot stand that person. That person is uptight and irrational, and it's not me at all. I'm hoping that with the help of a very low dose of some sort of antidepressant, I will be able to control my irrational thoughts and turn them into thoughts that are a little more rational. I also hope that I will not turn into this anti-social, depressed, and uptight person for days at a time. I feel like I'm closer along the path to discovering who I really am...I hope the meds help, and I hope I can enjoy smoking again when I'm finished with this experience.

[Chainsaw1234]

Hi, first of all i want to apologize for bringing back such a old thread, but i couldent help relate to most of the experiences posted. Its terrible, eg. i was a late arrival to a house party a few nights ago, after initial hellos came the awkward silence and it feels as though everyones looking at you to say something. I just wanted to ask if you think weed actually worsens this condition, and if so would you say its long-term?. I try not to smoke in social situations anyway.

[Chainsaw1234]

Bump

[painretreat]

Well Chainsaw1234, this is a very deep subject! I have had a problem with socialization my entire life. Not that I do not make friends. I have the same problem as stated prior, moved every year and back 'in the old daz' it was difficult to keep in touch. Not to mention, my parents moved us with no notice, at all. In 1st grade I came home, was placed in a pick-up with my dad and off to another state-didn't even go in the house. Represented 10 different schools in the 9th grade.

I was placed in a class in a different state for the remainder of 1st grade. The teacher was 'horrible', Mrs. Aiken, will never forget her. She would make me get in front of the class and speak. I choked and cried, she would hit me with a stick, I only sobbed more. If that wasn't enough, she put me in a 'special' reading class and made me be the one that was in charge of it. Since, I already read all the books, etc. that class was doing. I was not appreciative and it made matters worse. From that day on, I will never forget--I hate speaking in public!!!

If that wasn't enough. They stuck me in "gifted" class (here in the U.S.A. that is for individuals that seem to be higher achievers. Now, with all the moving and in a group of students as much as 3 years older than myself or such "geeks" they couldn't relate, anyway. And I had to work hard to keep up academically! A year or so in any grade through High School, made a difference. I know no-one from my childhood. Except people that still live in the same home they grew up with and were my neighbors.

Well, I finally 'went to college.' Now, I did some 'speaking' in front of the class in English class in High School. Even had the same teacher in college. She made us gives speeches in front of the class. I hated it, but had to.

I took speech in my first year of college-required! The instructor was very good with me and seemed excited with my speeches. The positive re-inforcement helped me a great deal! I was the only person that pulled a complete A in that class! It helped me, but did not 'fix' me.

Skipping to later life. . . I had one position for work that required I teach others in a hospital. I did not like it, but it was a nice job. I mostly used others to do a 'special engagement' speech. Then I took a job teaching at the college level. I LOVED IT. But, I made myself do it. No drugs of any sort involved.

It is fun when teaching those that really want to learn. I found that being prepared and practice helped me. And sitting with and visiting with the students afterward. They were eager and I was sharing something they wanted to hear!

This past week, I took a cruise on a ship! I went with my brother-in-law, I call GI Joe! He has never met a stranger. While waiting to start the process of arrival to check in, he met a few people and introduced us. We made instant friends and the three of us hung out most of the trip, doing tours in ports, etc. Even though I did not take any mmj with me. I felt 'at ease' while there.

The problem is, maintaining new friendships and nourishing them. One thing I learned from my High School (college) instructor. Pretend the people you are talking to are sitting on a toilet. Everyone goes there and are 'exposed' so to speak.

The other thing, I have just figured out: Not everyone is mean't to be friends with everyone and some people will flat out hate you for no reason at all. That is O.K. That is what makes our society grow, different input.

This cruise I just took was 2500 people on one ship. There was entertainment, eating, excursions, etc. I went with the people I met when I arrived and had a wonderful time. I was at ease and just had fun. Knowing, I never have to see any of these people again, made it even easier.

You need positive re-inforcement and that is hard to receive. Sure, mmj helps, but we can't do it 100% of the time. And need to train ourselves to push into situations that lend toward talking.

Plus, a therapist can help, as well. Learn how to communicate. I have read a lot of books in this area. Arm yourself with the latest news and keep abreast of the world. Have something you want to tell or talk about. You need not control the conversation, but seem interesting. Or have an interesting topic!

I hate parties, but once into it, I have a great time. I try to work the room and meet everyone and choose someone that seems interesting. If they aren't, move around. Unless you have no clothes on, I can assure you, not everyone is looking at you, well that is, unless you are the best looking person in the room, as our society is superficial in most instances. There are many sincere caring people.

Keep going to events, etc. and meet people. Don't be afraid to be yourself. That is, unless you don't like yourself. In that case, get some self-help books and PRACTICE! You'll be surprised, if you are kind, attentive and engaged, people will find you interesting. You will find common ground, even if it is the Sunday comic strip in the paper or some movie that is popular.
Know yourself and be open to find out more about yourself.

If you need some mmj to let loose and have fun, do it. If that is what it takes to be social.

There certainly is a disorder when you sit at a football field and when they go into a huddle you think they are talking about you. REst assuredly, no one person is that important and they are talking football!

It always isn't about you. It may be more about the other people, they may have the same problem. Many are shy and have difficulty. You have weed and with practice, you'll overcome it.

I still dislike public speaking, but I will not avoid it. Get involved with a local MAPP/ Norml/ ASA group. You have more common ground there. Practice. You will find, 'socializing' is easier with people you have more in common with!

Sure this is an old thread, but always relevant and thanks for bringing it up! Hope you get the discussion you deserve. This is a virtual world and a start. Just keep on posting. Good luck to you!

Keep telling yourself, you are not alone. Many of us, are right there with you, in the same boat! pr

[Chainsaw1234]

thanks painretreat! interesting points there.