I want to share to myself.

[Inferius]

I had the most rewarding expirience of my life tonight.
I found the meaning of my life, of the human expirience, For me.

I'd like to share myself, not to gain attention or relatedness between us, not to confirm my beleifs, but to show you all that this is possible.

Tonight, I greived. I cried, and cried, and I found more harmony with myself than any other expirience i've ever had. Everything comes from within.

What you tell yourself, becomes your beleifs, and becomes your reality.

I place my faith in myself, I trust my self, and I love and accept and value myself unconditionally no matter what. And in doing so, I love everything outside of myself. Life is a fantastically evolving growing process, and the soul of man is not separate from the biological make up of man. Everything is interconnected, becuase I am Whole.
I do not need money, or social status, family or friends, society or science or anything to tell me what to beleive. I beleive in love. And in myself.
I forgive myself, for all the pain i've ever caused, and I forgive everyone who's ever been in a situation where I interpreted it negatively and caused myself pain.

We all have the power to feel completely at harmony, in balance, with the entirety of life, inside of ourselves. And it's Love.

I love every single living thing, every single dead thing, I love this entire expirience. I love you all. I know I am beautiful, and I know I am intelligent. I know who I am, becuase I know myself, and Love myself and accept and value every single part of myself.

If I was homosexual, it wouldn't create the slightest difference. I would go outside and hit on as many guys as I wanted. But I know myself, and I know that my biological and mental make up are masculine and hetero based.
I am not ashamed of anything anymore, especially my sexual curiosity.
I have pleasured myself to many things, things which the outside world says is not "right" or is biased against, but I know whats healthy and what isn't, for me.

I have been studying psychology and codependance and self-programming, greiving and spirituality and Love, and it is all so wonderful, so incredible.
I love all the pain i've expirienced in my life, becuase it gave me a chance to grow, and I love every expirience I've ever had, becuase in the long run, it made me who I am.

Everything is within, and don't let anyone tell you any different.
I trust myself to use psychedelics and self-therapy and everything, becuase I place faith in myself.

What you think, eventually becomes a beleif. Just because we have the power to change our beleifs, does not make them any less true.

My meaning for life, is to grow, to take as much as I can from my body and spirit and grow, and help others along the way.
This has never been more clear to me in my entire life.

I could be completely content with ANY life right now, because I have the power to interpret life as I see fit.

I also have NEEDS, and I love myself for recognizing that.
You know what I need? Love, and Hope. As long as I have love and hope,
I can get through anything, acheive anything. I have complete faith in myself.

One could find the answers to the universe if all one was was a floating awareness. External sources help us think, help us understand ourselves and everything else,
but ultimately, it comes from within.

Tonight was the happiest night of my life, so far, becuase I know I can go deeper. It never ends. I can go on and on and on, and it is that path, that is the meaning of life. To rise from falling.

"You cannot teach a man anything, you can only help them find it within themselves."

Tonight I started interfering with my dad's relationship with his girlfriend, but ultimately with herself. Both of them have extremely low self esteem, and in turn are very codependant, and it frightens me how much in denial a human being can be. How much the mind wants to sheild itself from the pain. And how healthy it is to learn of the mind in order to feel that pain.

But it also gives me strength to know the powers of the human mind, to know that we can choose. I am not responsible for the growth of others, or their interpretations or emotions or anything. I can only be responsible for myself. Every time I be myself, and another being feels pain, that is not my fault. That is their responsibility, and pain is good. It tells us that we can do more, that we can move forward and overcome.
I would like to be gentler with people, as I am gentle with myself, no matter what. Everything can be learned from.

The choice.

From now on, I will expirience every emotion that I possibly can, every pain, I f I sense hesitation in myself, I will love myself for it, becuase I will be giving myself a chance to prove what I beleive in, even though it's not needed.
I choose to do that.

I have never felt purer than right now. My body feels light, all the tension (except for the shoulders becuase of the angle I'm typing this at ) dissapeared. My lungs started cleansing themselves, my tears flowed, and I even expirienced the desire to vomit. I let it all come out, and it was the most beautiful and happy expirience i've ever had.

I don't need another person to be happy, but I can see the incredible possibility of unconditionally loving another person, a female, and finding her will be so much easier as a psych. She will be whole and in harmony, like I will be, and we will share ourselves by choice, not by need, but by a mutual unconditional love.

Noone has to post anything after this if they do not choose to, because I know that this is the truth. I have faith in myself.

And I wanted you all to know, that it is possible to be in harmony, to be You.


Also, I've suddenly understand addiction perfectly. Addiction is a symptom of low self esteem, of giving your personal power to something outside of yourself, to fill that hole you intuitively feel inside.
I am not addicted to marijuana, or anything outside of myself.
I use all chemical pleasure as a reward for acheivement, acheivement I choose and place faith in, not the faith of others.

Thank you for reading this, if you've gotten this far.

I love you no matter what, I love everything, and I don't need to hear that from you to know that deep inside, you love me too. I trust myself.

Oh, My, Self.

And I also find myself to be more open to life after death from this expirience.
I don't find it rational to beleive that we could imagine or empathise from what might come with the death of the body, but even if it's the darkness of non-awareness, I am not afraid. Death gives way to new life. An ending is only a new beginning.

Peace and Love

Your friend,
T.

Inferius Reviewed by Inferius on 05-20-2007. I want to share to myself. I had the most rewarding expirience of my life tonight. I found the meaning of my life, of the human expirience, For me. I'd like to share myself, not to gain attention or relatedness between us, not to confirm my beleifs, but to show you all that this is possible. Tonight, I greived. I cried, and cried, and I found more harmony with myself than any other expirience i've ever had. Everything comes from within. What you tell yourself, becomes your beleifs, and becomes your Rating: 5

[Inferius]

Also: making mistakes is the best thing someone can do for themself.
Having unconditional love and value and acceptance for the self makes making mistakes a GOOD thing! It's like fertilizing your soil, you're feeding yourself more possibility to grow and thrive.

[LuckyNiner]

I have to say, brother, you're remarkably aware and eloquent. It seems to me there's some serious passion behind your words, and I can relate to the intensely philosophical bend you seem to be on.

We DO have the choice. In our attitude, our outlook, our mindset, and the way we treat ourselves and others. Each one of us has the potential to be exactly the kind of person we want to be. Sympathetic, kind, giving, loving, funny, gregarious, open, true. Why is it so hard for so many to realize what's within ourselves?

We're weak.

And yet we can all be as strong as we wish.

Thank you for your sharing. World needs more people like you.

[krazy chino]

yeah i agree with u guys i've felt like that before........everythin u said is true and thats as real as it gets

[Cornelius]

that's wonderful. I too study psychology and you sound like you've just demonstrated the power of self-efficacy

You also sound like you're shrooming, so congrats if you're not. Finding peace with your life and the universe is no small accomplishment.

Welcome to the enlightened. Keep learning and loving, it gets better. it also gets harder.

a real life level up.

[PureEvil760]

Sounds like you took the first step, congradulations. Know there is still a long road to travel, this joy you are experiencing is only a grain of salt compared to what you could have.

[PureEvil760]

"O souls mounting the spiral staircase unto heaven where thy Christ does await thee, I AM Jesus and I call you to be now the embodiment of all that I AM and to recieve me that you might have with me henceforth the most direct relationship." ~Jesus Christ

[Inferius]

I wasn't on anything last night either, it was all me.
And I felt wonderful. I feel wonderful.
I slept like a baby, it was the most incredible expirience.

I am never going to stop.
When I get older, and my mind starts to turn to more crystallized wisdom, I will use psychedelic drugs to further my power, and strive to attain that kind of psychedelic perspective in a sober state as well, much like a shaman with the ability to shift his awareness from the ego to ego death on command.

Thank you all,
Love,
T