lol!
Then you could make ganja tortillas.
Where do you get your cooking ideas... remember that BBC show Two Fat Ladies? I swear every dish they did was lard- based.
Personally, and this is going to repulse a few of you, but I actually believe that it is not possible to make a perfect pie crust with anything BUT lard. It's like the miracle fat. Can't beat it for flakiness (well, I can be pretty flaky sometimes... lol... but my apple pies are flakier!).