Guys Without Fathers Thread

[VaporDaddy]

First I want to say sorry for not mentioning the girls in the title of this thread. I guess I wasn't thinking of how not having a father affects girls, although I think it affects them in different yet no less profound ways. I totally welcome all comments and experiences by everyone.

I spent many years of my life trying to be special in some way. I would fantasize about being a genius in one form or another, and I was always searching for that gift I had that would seperate me from the pack, making others notice me. I am pretty sure this was my subconscience screeming "Daddy look at me!". To some extent I still struggle with this desire to prove myself.
I must also say that not having a father made me realize how important both parents are, and because I understood this I am the best father I can be. So some good will come out of the situation.
Thank you all for sharing.:jointsmile:

[defintion10]

Yeah, I have a dad that lives with me but I've literally said 1000 words to him my whole life. I'll talk maybe once a week...I don't even know why he doesn't seem that bad but I fear him for some reason and don't like him.

[LuckyG]

My dad was an cheating, lying, thieving, adultering, chickenshit machine-like person, focussed only on money, respect and influence. If he couldn't use you, he wouldn't so much as give you the time of day, but if he could, he'd kiss your ass raw. He was only there to support his family when it served him, made him look like a good father or a good husband, which he wasn't. He only physically abused my mother once - other than that, it was all psychological. I've spent the past six years rebuilding my mind from the fragile specimen he left me - regaining the traits of generosity, acceptance, trust, self-confidence, pride, and forgiveness - forgiveness for everyone except for him. Maybe it's a setback for me, but I want him to suffer as long as I have because of him.

We found out last year (five years after my parents separated) that he suffered from depression from an early age, and he's passed this genetic booby-trap on to both of his kids. He never told my mother this, and for over twenty years she suffered for it, always thinking that it was her fault that he wasn't happy, always trying to do more, and never able to do enough. She's the worst off from the experience. I know that his dad wasn't the greatest guy either, but he could have seen that and changed. He doesn't take responsibility for his actions, he denies that he did anything wrong to his family, that he ever cheated on my mother (which we know he did), that he was a terrible neglecting father.

For years he played my sister with gifts, trips, and all sorts of special treatment while I got nothing. I can remember going to visit once, and he asked me if I had seen my sister's new convertible. If I hadn't been told ahead of time that he'd bought it for her, I would have tried my hardest to kick his ass. The dumb thing is, later on he changed his mind and took it back. Good job dad, alienate both your kids.

Any gifts or money he gave me I gave to friends or charities. Any cards he sent have been thrown in the garbage. I don't want to remember him, and I don't want to start a father-son relationship with him - I'd say rebuild, but you can't rebuild something you never had. If he could even just take a second and apologize, admit that he was wrong, that he treated us like shit, I could probably forgive him. But he can't apologize - he has too much stubborn pride.


Also he had a thing for augmented breasts, asking my mum to get some, and later buying a pair for a (now ex-) girlfriend (worth probably ten times more money than he's spent on me since the separation). If you can't appreciate natural breasts, I don't want anything to do with you. :wtf:

[angee pirate]

I didn't read most of the replys to this thread,.... I myself am a father and now know first hand what I missed out on in life in many different ways.... and for a big part of my life I have been empty because of the role model, my role model, the one I didn't have, I will not focus on the negatives........ but the positives it gives my kids, the pressure is intense, to be there for a 10 yr old boy and a 9 yr old girl .. I find I make alot of mistakes, but I am still here, its been 14 yrs this July 24 ,I have been married ,, and I plan on seeing the whole trip thru... fuggin hell or hi water I am making a difference in TWo kids lives, To bring a life into this world is incredible,, and I wish it on all worhty of parenhood,
I could go on for a while but ,........ peace to all and make a difference

[Blitzed]

I grew up with no dad, and no real male role model, no one to go the back yard with to play catch, no one to teach me how to play football, or basketball. But in the end I think Ill turn out alright, and I know when, I get my own life setteled out, Ill be better for it in the end. Maybe, just maybe, a lil fucked up in the head. My mom raised me fine, although towards the end of my stay with here was rough, we didnt get along to well, she thought I was making bad choices, and I didnt care, blah blah blah.

I feel, I have a better respect for woman, since thats all Ive known since I was raised. And I know, Ill never make my kid be raised the way I was, and look forward to the day when Ill get to be a good dad to my kids.

[BabyFacedAbortion]

I ran into my father at the mall after 3-4 years of not even speaking to him. His wife chased me down after my boyfriend and I tried to dodge them, she grabbed my purse and screamed at me "why are you running?", I started to have a panic attack and freak out, she kept screaming at me, "why won't you talk to him?", I screamed back.."he doesn't even know my age", she asked "what does that have to do with anything?", fucking bitch. She finally left after I hid in my boyfriend's arms. Oh the things I'd say to her..and to him. He doesn't even have enough balls to chase me down himself, SHE had to do it.

/endrant

[KillerDemo]

my dad lives 4 miles away and i havent talked to him in 6 years...next time i see him i might not stop beating him till he's dead. never paid a dime in his life...mom has no job so i gotta sell dank and yayo to stay afloat...

[BlueDevil]

My mom and my dad split before I turned 3, I have only fleeting images of him in my memory. It never used to bother me until one day in high school a girlfriend of mine made some teasing comment which made me realize I didn't remember what he was like or what his voice sounded like. Then, for whatever reason, it bothered me. A lot. I can't explain it.

Anyway, he's never made an attempt to contact me or my younger sister, but I found out several years ago that it was due to my mother telling him to stay away. She went through a lot raising my sister and I alone for a number of years, then remarried to a doctor who had wanderlust. My sister and I maxed out 2 passports each before we were 15, and lived abroad for a long time. He was never really present for family life though, caring more about scuba diving than anything else. Eventually they split, and my mom and sis and I moved back to the States. Couple of years later, my mother married a third time to the man I refer to as my dad, although technically he's my step-dad. He's a good guy, taught me all kinds of things I missed out on when I was younger (hunting, fishing, woodsmanship) and even though he and my mom now have a rocky relationship, he's always been upfront and honest with me, but hard enough to ensure I didn't end up being a pussy. While he never adopted me and even made a few comments long ago (in jest or not, no idea) that he never would - he's treated me as his own, helped me with college, and even went so far as to name me in his families estate, also giving me an inheritance from his father passing.

I feel guilty getting my emotions riled up over some of this now that I'm typing it out. Some of the other replies to this thread have given me pangs in my gut, and I'm surprised I held onto the idea of sharing when clearly I need to stfu.

[ntcrawler]

Some sad stories on here. I got lucky! I can't remember my father because the last time I saw him was when I was 5(I'm 18 now) and I was raised by my mom and my aunt/grandma. I have no connection to my father's family after my mom talked shit about him in front of his mom. I'm really not to hung over about any of it and have had a fulfilling life so far. My mom was never married to the guy and both me and my bro were accidents from boyfriends(some damn good accidents at that... well at least I am :P). There was no child support from either my dad or my bro's dad so I lived mostly with my mom, aunt, and grandma in an apartment.

When my mom received a tax return she asked me and my brother if she should get a car or a computer and we picked the computer. She met a young man on the AOL chat rooms and convinced him to to move from Washington(maybe Oregon) to Maryland and he eventually came. He was in his twenties and needless to say was still a young man. Their were some ups and downs but he became part of the family and a true father. They have been married for 9 years now I believe and my life would of been much different if he never moved down here or even more so if me and my brother picked a car instead of a computer.

I don't feel any need to find my biological father and probably never will. Only thing I would like to see of him is at least a picture just to know what he looks like. Its weird knowing that the dude you work next to at work could be your real father and you would really never know.

All in all I got very lucky and I'm very content with my life.