suprisingly, my nightmares have kinda of subsided.... a few months ago, however... i was ravenged by them.. horrible fucking dreams.... those ones you can feel (and i don't mean physical pain... the emotional pain) of my wife leaving me, sometimes because i'm an idiot, sometimes for someone else...

but they are nothing compared to seeing my brothers face everynight, and watching him die a diffrent death every single night... seconds or inches away from saving him, and i just can't... everynight, reliving the same feeling and emotion of when my mom told me he was gone... i was terrified to sleep... even taking 10 sleeping pills to go to sleep, i would fight it.. not even consciencely... my body or mind would find something to keep me awake...

cramps outta the middle of no where, pain in my eyes from having them closed... restless thoughts, mostly of being scared to go to sleep... i was in hell.. a literal living hell... it's bad when you're afraid to go to sleep just from nightmares...