i'm sure that at some point you had a casual belief in god, but without heavy indoctrination no child attains anything close to the fervor of an adult believer. like santa claus and the easter bunny, jesus is a fun little fantasy that we all toyed with as a child. only as an adult can you appreciate the depth of the fear that the entire mythology is based on, only when death becomes real to you do seek a way to cheat the inevitable.