getting past my disguise

[geonagual]

My emotions have been running the gamut the last couple of weeks..actually months..but I guess they are starting to finally wear on me.
With my mom dying, my failed marriage, poor career choices and a bunch of other things...
About a month ago I met a girl that is super cool, very sexy, easy to talk to...at this point I really care for her,,,but my divorce is not complete...I am moving out in a couple of days...So, I feel that I cannot give myself to her. At this point I just feel like running away from her...actually I just want to run away from myself..I actually cried last night.first time in years...cause I am confused and depressed and I am sure I am not what any woman needs in their life right now.
I was so happy the other day...I think I actually felt what love is again..it has been so long...but I know it is too soon...and I dont want to hurt anyone or hurt myself emotionally, so I am scared to open up..to tell someone who I am...beyond the superficial bullshit..I have not had sex with her because I want to wait because I know it is right...but I know she wants to..I just figure if she cant get it from me right now, she will just go elsewhere...So, honestly I dont know what to do....Mentally, my internal dialogue is running a 100 miles a minute and I feel that I just cant do the right thing no matter what.

geonagual Reviewed by geonagual on 05-12-2007. getting past my disguise My emotions have been running the gamut the last couple of weeks..actually months..but I guess they are starting to finally wear on me. With my mom dying, my failed marriage, poor career choices and a bunch of other things... About a month ago I met a girl that is super cool, very sexy, easy to talk to...at this point I really care for her,,,but my divorce is not complete...I am moving out in a couple of days...So, I feel that I cannot give myself to her. At this point I just feel like Rating: 5

[Eazy]

hug man i been there kinda

no advice man im just 2 mashed lemme work on it

[Weedhound]

Wow geo, sorry to hear about all your issues. No real advice....crying is a healing thing in your case.....go with it. Time heals....don't rush into anything.

If this girl knows your situation and all your recent troubles she isn't going to go off and "get it elsewhere" No offense to the male contingent here but I find that to be much more a guy mentatility ....not a girl thing.

[birdgirl73]

You're going through huge changes, hun. Grief. Loss. Life changes like moving and uprooting yourself. Getting a divorce. That's big stuff. If your new ladyfriend doesn't have radar to tell herself that might not be an ideal time to dive into intimacy with someone, at least you do. I don't say that because I think it's wrong; I think you need to be happy and want you to feel the love you've been missing all this time. I just say that because of all the stuff that's going on in your life. It'd be a lot more surprising if you said you felt on top of the world and were ready to embark on a new relationship. You haven't even moved out of your house yet, for goodness sakes!

You're very good at expressing what's going on and identifying it. This is going to be a roller coaster time. Change always puts us through that. Try talking to the new lady and just explaining that it might be wise to postpone the physical part of that till you've had time to get your emotional breath, so to speak. If she's worthy of you, she'll understand. If she's not--and if she doesn't want a relationship with a guy who's emotionally ready to be with her--she'll keep pressing the issue. I know the sex wouild feel good. But you're after more than that, from what you've told us here, especially after where you've just been. (I'll admit, though, that all the guys I've ever known who've gotten divorced also needed some quick rebound sex for an immediate boost, and I don't necessarily think that's a bad thing.)

Go easy on yourself and give yourself a break. Take those hikes and nature walks. Feel and express those emotions. That's totally cool that you let some of that out last night. The roller coaster's going to continue for a while. You don't have to know exactly what to do and have it all sorted out. It'll work out the way it's supposed to. I wish I could give you a big hug right now!! Much love to you, Geonagual. I think you're very brave to seek the happiness you know you deserve. A lot of people subsist in miserable lives just because they think that's what they're supposed to do. You're one of the exceptions who's got the courage to find something better. XOX

[geonagual]

Thanks everyone...
mostly you Birdgirl...I am sure I speak for everyone when I say you are an amazing person...I dont feel any better right now, but I dont feel any worse..I do have tears streaming. I know what I am doing is right..it is just not easy..I only have a few more days till I move out..the couch is killing me anyways. LOL
I think she is a very understanding person, but I get the feeling that she feels that I dont want her..it is not that at all..Another point that I didnt mention is that I am moving a 100 miles away from where I am now...so that is making it hard..
I guess I really just stick to my convictions and promises I made to myself. Like you said, it will work out the way it works out. Funny, those are the same words I would tell someone else in my situation.

[Nochowderforyou]

Yeah, it's changes, a phase of life. Unfortunatly, everyone goes through what you're feeling and it's a downright shitty feeling, BUT, you will get through it. Just try and keep a positive mind as much as you can and keep functioning in daily life.

[birdgirl73]

Thanks, sweetie. You're the amazing person here. I'm in awe of the stuff you've been through recently and the bravery you're displaying, and I just love it when men are secure enough to express their emotions. Wish you were here in Texas. I'd have to pat on you and coddle you like a baby while you rode out the roller coaster. I'd also take you on our various nature expeditions, which we'd have to enjoy quickly before the 100+ degree summer heat sets in.

You take care of yourself, OK? I will be thinking about you and sending good thoughts.

[geonagual]

Wow geo, sorry to hear about all your issues. No real advice....crying is a healing thing in your case.....go with it. Time heals....don't rush into anything.

If this girl knows your situation and all your recent troubles she isn't going to go off and "get it elsewhere" No offense to the male contingent here but I find that to be much more a guy mentatility ....not a girl thing.

Your right...I guess it is the feeling you get with as much emphasis there is on sex these days. Don't get me wrong, I love to have great, hot, steamy, kinky passionate sex as the next guy...but right now, till I get through this,,I just wanna chill, smoke weed, talk about life, get to know her and do things fun, kiss, cuddle and that stuff. I just dont want her to think that I dont want her, that I dont find her sexy. Cause she is s very beautiful...man, these relations thingys are a lot of work. uggg

[geonagual]

Yeah, it's changes, a phase of life. Unfortunatly, everyone goes through what you're feeling and it's a downright shitty feeling, BUT, you will get through it. Just try and keep a positive mind as much as you can and keep functioning in daily life.

Thanks bro..
just pretend you didnt read the part about me crying. LOL

[Purple Banana]

Guys can cry, too!

Basically going to say the same stuff that's already been said, but I wish the best of luck to you, Geo. Life can be a bitch, so put a leash on her, and hopefully things will turn around for you. :thumbsup: