I think the word you guys are looking for is "gratification". The problem with this gratification though is that is never satisfies, as in giving you a relaxed feeling like you've gotten something out of your system, or had your fill of a delicious food, or had an orgasm or whatever. Feels great.... but you gotta do it again, always.


I thought I'd mention that yesterday I had a really really deep, 45 minute unbroken meditation, which I haven't done for a while. Since that session I've had WAY more emotional and mental control and can control the hairpulling 100% (for now).