Quote Originally Posted by birdgirl73
I think the embarrassment results because we're all used to putting up a front of strength and vigor to the people we know socially, Mr. D. Revealing that you're in pain makes you more vulnerable because you've revealed a chink in your "social armor" and also because you've been straightforward about your physical vulnerabilities, too. Physically you probably are weaker during the pain spells, and psychologically you've let people under the surface. The result is an inherently embarrassing situation.

At least, that is, until you realize that that honesty and vulnerability are probably in reality the greatest show of strength that someone can make. If someone's in pain or discomfort, emotionally or physically, and lets friends know that, that gives the friends the opportunity to see the real you and also come to your support (another way you're vulnerable). I'll take someone who's honest about what he's feeling any day over a faker or a person who wears a front. Makes me love them all the more because they trust me enough to reveal the truth.
Wow, I think you just described the reasons better than I could have birdgirl. You're right when you say it does expose vulnerabilities, especially the psychological ones. I guess in that context, it's more embarrasing now because the psychological toll it's taken has only been getting worse and worse the longer I have to deal with it (over 5 years now). I'm a bit surprised I didn't think of this till you pointed it out; essentially, I'm exposing a part of my psyche that's been rubbed raw and exhausted, whereas a few years ago it was merely an injury.

I think I'm also afraid of losing my friends over this, though realisticly they've never shown any inkling that they're sick of me (but then who knows what's really inside of people). As I get more and more sick of the pain and wanting to be free of it, I can't help but feel they would get more and more sick of me and wanting to be free of my pain as well.


I know what you mean, though. I'm waiting to be scheduled for some spinal surgery in a week or two. The problem I'm having causes muscle weakness and, at times, a strange pins-and-needles sensation in my arms and legs that gives me trouble taking regular steps.
Hey, I may actually be experiencing the same thing as you in this respect. My spine's totally messed up too, though there seems to be no surgery to fix it. I don't know if this is exactly what you get, but I would get these really sharp needle pains down my arms as well as burning, and the needles seemed to hit specific points. Plus my legs get horrible burning sciatic-type pain, but I call it sciatic type pain because it actually goes equally from the front to back of my legs (god damn that kept me up all night last night).

Anyways I've tried lots of stuff for these problems, but recently the doc got me on this stuff called "Lyrica" (chemical name "Pregabalin"). It helps nerve pain and for the past 2 months I've been on it the needles have totally gone away and the burning in my legs significantly reduced. Unfortunately though my arms have been burning again and my legs have come back to it full force, so obviously it's not working so well these days. Still though, I got remarkable resutls at least for a while so you may want to check the stuff out.
Now if only I hadn't just bought a $95 month supply of the stuff again (my parents providing the money unfortunately). Seriously, drug prices piss me off, there's no assistance for someone in my moneyless possition.


So I have a cane for when I have to walk alone. If I go to the grocery store, I try to find my way to a shopping cart quickly so I'll have a less conspicuous "walker." But parking in the special handicapped places when I'm feeling the muscle weakness and needing to walk slowly and with assistance make me feel embarrassed, too. Embarrassed and old. I've been amazed at how kind everyone is. But it's still hard to let people see!
I totally know what you mean. I've considered getting a cane because often one of my legs or the other will hurt like hell and makes me limp. But it seems awkward walking with a cane when my limp clearly wouldn't be consistant, which might make people think I'm weired and faking it for some reason, especially when I only need it half the time. I'm still iffy about getting one as is, and I guess you're right that it can make one feel "old", especially when I'm only 22 years old and not ready to get old yet.

I wish you the best of luck on your back surgery. Be glad you live in a country where you can get in at a reasonable amount of time, Canada's medical system SUCKS for wait times (I waited 2 years just to get an MRI, and 2 1/2 years to fix a deviated septim). You'll make a kick-ass doctor one day, I wish you were a practitioner in my area!