Help me transcend...

[Enchanted]

Hi all. I am here for some advice and guidanceâ?¦ I hope I came to the right place. Here is my situation.

Iâ??m a female in my late 20â??s. My substance use history is as follows: experienced with alcohol, smoked a few bummed cigarettes from friends over the years (but never was a smoker), and I tried pot once at 16 (though it did nothing for me).

Last year I met my boyfriend and future husband. I found out soon after we met that smokes pot. At first I was very upset. I was raised in a very Christian fundamentalist home (although I lost my faith long ago) and Iâ??ve always been in a sort of â??bubbleâ?� when itâ??s come to any kind of drugs. I went to a Christian college, none of my friends ever did any illegal drugs, and I was also exposed to a lot of conditioning about the dangers of drugs. Iâ??ve been taught that pot was the gateway drug, just as bad as any other drug, worse for your lungs than cigarettes, all the scare tactics really.

So, when I found out he smoked pot I wasnâ??t pleased. I am certain that if it were anyone else but him I would have broken up with him over that fact, from the very beginning. It was only because I fell in love with him so hard (to where I knew I wanted him and nobody else for the rest of my life) that I decided to embark on the long journey of evaluating my own biases, questioning the validity of everything Iâ??ve been taught, and basically re-structure a foundation that has been firmly set for my entire life. Not easy to do, but again, for him I would do (almost) anything. Now, I respect myself as well, so if it were a very dangerous drug that had serious and harmful health implications I would not have risked it for anyone, but he started to educate me that it wasnâ??t as bad as everyone â??out thereâ?� purports it to be. Of course I didnâ??t just take his word for it; I read about it, studied it, and realized there is something to what he is saying.

So, I tried it. For the last year and a half that I have known him Iâ??ve smoked it with him maybe every other weekend. On Friday nights when we indulge, I would either smoke pot with him or Iâ??d drink Vodka and Diet Coke. Iâ??ve only done the two together maybe twiceâ?¦ The pot will usually make me stop wanting to drink, but anyway... He doesnâ??t like to drink because of the hangover (heâ??s a wimp) and because it impairs his function more than pot. He also firmly believes that pot is much healthier for society than alcohol anyway, a view Iâ??ve adopted myself (especially since I work in the mental health field and see the damage of alcohol). Also, due to some recent stresses in my life, (and because I drink it infrequently â?? only once a week) alcohol hasnâ??t been as good to me. Although I only drink on Friday nights, itâ??s become much more of a depressive for me than a helper, and I end up crying and being more miserable for drinking than if I didnâ??t. Also, if I drink and get upset and cry, I make my bf miserable and I do not want to do this to him. Itâ??s not fair. Also, if this happens to me, it does NOT make the hangover worth it. I want something that makes things pleasant, not horrible. So, I have been considering eliminating the alcohol completely and smoking pot with my boyfriend instead.

Here is the problem Iâ??m running into: it doesnâ??t seem to do for me what he says it does for him and what I see everyone else saying it does for them. I really wish it did because I would rather smoke pot (and be happy + feel good the next day) than drink and risk not only a hangover but that it will hit me badly and make me depressed. I would like to share with you what pot does to me in hopes that you all might have some advice as to how I can achieve what you all are talking about!

1) It makes me shake and get really cold. Even if itâ??s warm in the room, I will need a sweatshirt!

2) It makes me anxious and the opposite of relaxed. When this happens, I just canâ??t wait for it to wear off! A couple of times it even made me grind my teeth.

3) I canâ??t do the kind of things my boyfriend does: he will play computer games and get totally absorbed in them. I lose any idea of who my character is and where the attack button is and where Iâ??m even going. He watches TV and movies and I strain really hard to remember scene to scene: I canâ??t remember who the characters are and what they do and why they do it, but I do see one little scene and my mind starts to run with it and make all kinds of unrelated things out of it â?? none of which has anything to do with the movie!

4) I do not get mood enhancing qualities. In fact most of the time I am worried about something. I donâ??t get paranoid per se, because I realize Iâ??m under the influence of a drug and I tell myself that the horrible thing has come to mind isnâ??t real. Itâ??s nothing that actually convinces me, but it does intrude, constantly, without the happy feeling. For example, Iâ??ll get this doomed feeling like my bf doesnâ??t really love me, or I have a feeling that no matter all my accomplishments I am worthless and everyone knows it. I make myself snap out of it but I donâ??t like those thoughts to bug me so frequently!

5) My sense of time, space, and coordination is messed up and I feel like Iâ??m constantly trying to snap myself out of this or to rise above it and this takes a lot of effort mentally. Just going to the bathroom is difficult and I have to work really hard.

6) I canâ??t follow a conversation to save my life. Over the weekend we visited my BFâ??s father and we took a walk in the woods. They smoked some and so did I because I didnâ??t want to be the only one who didnâ??t (and because every time I do it I hope that it will be the time when it actually works well!). Instead of sitting put for the duration they decided to go on a hike in the woods among streams with rocks and branches in our faces and rough groundâ?¦ it was horrible for me because I could barely make it walking, but they were talking in depth about politics and such and I had no clue what they were saying from one sentence to the next and I felt sooo stupid. Then I became fixated that if I didnâ??t say anything for too long they would wonder if I was OK and I didnâ??t want to make a fool of myself and would try to figure something to say but I couldnâ??t formulate anything well enough and I think that the one or two things I said were not even in the same realm but they were really nice and didnâ??t let on that it made no sense. I couldnâ??t wait for it all to shake off so I could follow what they were saying. They sat down and took a â??boosterâ?� hit and that one I turned down because I was glad to be regaining some focus back.

7) I donâ??t get the munchies!!! This is sooo weird â??cause I read it everywhere and my bf can EAT when heâ??s stoned (chocolate, candy bars, etc.) and I want nothing. I tried candy but it was waaay too sweet and then I even tried my favorite food (Vietnamese spring rolls with peanut sauce) and the peanut sauce was so strong that I couldnâ??t eat it.


Now there have been some positives, but damn it, they are not consistent and the bad effects totally outnumber the good. The positives are as follows:

1) I did see one movie that made me laugh so hard while stoned like I never laughed before. The thing is, I donâ??t remember the rest of the movie, but there was a scene, I think in Harold and Kumar go to White Castle, where a guy is eating a hamburger sitting on the back of a truck where a hose was leaking â??ass juiceâ?� from having just cleaned the outhouse. I think it was Harold and Kumar and I thought Iâ??d pass out once I started laughing, I couldnâ??t stop.

2) Sometimes it feels better about an hour or two after I smoke when it wears off â?? it does feel peaceful and light but itâ??s also accompanied by really weak muscles like I canâ??t get up and do anything. Although this time is one of the few times Iâ??m actually content to just lay there and watch TV â??cause I usually donâ??t do well just watching TV. When this wearing off is happening to me, it is usually when my bf will smoke more.

3) One or two times only, itâ??s hit me in that more â??mild stageâ?� where I didnâ??t get the shivers, I didnâ??t feel anxious, and I felt light and warm. But thatâ??s only been about two times and I do not know how to guarantee that will happen. Most of the times it doesnâ??t.

OK all that said, I would really like to learn what to do and how to do it in order to get the same effect everyone says they get, without all the negative outcomes Iâ??ve been experiencing. Itâ??s always the same source of pot and I do know it is very strong (BF attests to this and he knows pot). I would like to not drink at all, and in fact Iâ??m glad I found a bf that doesnâ??t drink. But if I canâ??t drink I would like to be able to smoke pot, and I will admit I am very jealous that my bf gets pleasure out of pot and I seem to be unable to. If I donâ??t drink, Iâ??m not left with much of an alternative for Friday nights and I really donâ??t like it when he gets high and I canâ??t do anything. I can do it, donâ??t get me wrong, but I feel left out and tempted by it. I havenâ??t expressed the fact that pot doesnâ??t quite do the same for me as it does for him. He enjoys us sharing it and Iâ??m afraid if I told him I didnâ??t respond the way he does to it, he might be disappointed in me. I feel it would be like telling him sex with him doesnâ??t get me off. I would feel bad saying something like that to him. So, hopefully this is where you all come in. Iâ??ve been very honest and would like some help. I also do hate that itâ??s not legal because I hate to add a substance to my repertoire that is so persecuted, but in essence it is more favorable and healthier than either legal alternative on the market! If I do take the risk to use it though, given that itâ??s illegal, I would like to at least enjoy it! Anyway, that said, I would really like to learn what to do in order to be better able to appreciate pot and get more favorable reactions from smoking it. So far Iâ??ve only tried a pipe (he has a small wooden one) and I typically take three puffs and hold it in for 10-15 seconds each. He will usually do another 2 hits after I do my 3 before he puts it down for a couple of hours. Iâ??ve been thinking about getting my own pipe and trying it more frequently so I will get used to it on my own because only doing it every other Friday might be the reason itâ??s hitting me the way it does. The thing that kind of bothers me too on a deeper level is the fact that with alcohol I could buy it from the store and with pot I donâ??t have my own access to it and I would have to ask my bf to leave some with me for the week. He said he would do it but there is something about that I donâ??t likeâ?¦ not quite sure what yet â?? maybe that Iâ??m a control freak and I donâ??t want to like something I canâ??t get on my own? Anyway, still at the beginning of a journey here and I think Iâ??ve already introduced too many issues!

Enchanted Reviewed by Enchanted on 05-08-2007. Help me transcend... Hi all. I am here for some advice and guidanceâ?¦ I hope I came to the right place. Here is my situation. Iâ??m a female in my late 20â??s. My substance use history is as follows: experienced with alcohol, smoked a few bummed cigarettes from friends over the years (but never was a smoker), and I tried pot once at 16 (though it did nothing for me). Last year I met my boyfriend and future husband. I found out soon after we met that smokes pot. At first I was very upset. I was raised in a Rating: 5

[sordid]

There are two things going on here:

1- You're psychological conditioning. If you subconsciously believe that cannabis is bad for you, it will not be an enjoyable experience. In time this may change, but don't force it.

2- Smoking is different for everyone. Some people always have unenjoyable highs, some always have good ones, and most people are somewhere in between. A paranoid high (what I think you are describing) is not a very enjoyable experience, and usually you will feel very cold and weirded out. It can be caused by bad weed or a bad smoking environment, but it really varies from person to person.

My advice: stop smoking unless you feel like it and are already happy (doing drugs when you are sad sucks and screws you up in my opinion). Just don't force it, if it's not enjoyable, don't do it. Smoking weed isn't good for you. The only point is to have fun.

It might change with time, just hang in there, and don't smoke for him, smoke for you :jointsmile:

[reality0]

Ok well for me.. I got some of the symptoms you talked about when I first started smoking. Like the first 10 times, I believe... But after that, I realized to not smoke as much, all I needed was a little bit to get me to my enjoyable point...

And even now, I still control how much I use. Now don't get me wrong, I wont turn down a bowl for free.. But I can limit myself to smoking only one time a day, and thats at night when I get home after school and work. Keeps my tolerance low, saves a lot of money, and I always get an awesome nights sleep...

Just my 2 cents :jointsmile:

[ipodguy]

i used to get like that sometimes
when i did that i would get anxious sometimes and just go for a long walk with my dog. nobodys with you to judge you or whatever and your dog will like it plus its healthy i guess for you too.

[hempplaya]

maybe you just aren't cut for smoking. there's nothing to be ashamed of in that, i hate drinking but love to smoke but haven't smoked in a little over 6 months. my friends are the exact opposite of me. but just if you decide you do not want to smoke is no reason to be upset with your boyfriend/husband because he does. it's his choice it helps him deal with the stresses at work etc. but i wouldn't immediately give up on cannabis, try smoking a few more timesm maybe only a few tokes and build up from that. hope this helps :rastasmoke:

and no need to refer to cannabis as a drug, it's just a plant that's got great benefits :thumbsup:

[thcbongman]

I think it's ironic you say he's a wimp for refusing a drink, but you seemed be effected different by a little weed.

I'd say you'd have to get past the condition. In time, you'll be use to it, like he is. For some, it takes years to fully adapt to the effects of bud.

[timothylearyisdead]

1- You're psychological conditioning. If you subconsciously believe that cannabis is bad for you, it will not be an enjoyable experience. In time this may change, but don't force it.

I think he nailed it on the head here. Even if you don't realize it, you still have that conditioned state of mind in your subconscience, so there's always that little thing in the back of your mind saying "I don't know about this", therefore giving you bad experiences. Over time this should go away.

[birdgirl73]

I agree with the ones who say some of what you're struggling with is your conditioning. I think that probably does play a role in your reactions. But the realities are that weed, like all other drugs and substances--heck, even foods--affect different people different ways. Some have a positive reaction to those substances and some don't. Everyone's neurochemistry is different. If you don't find it pleasurable, as Hemplaya said (Hemplaya's a wise person!), that's nothing to be ashamed of. It's just the way it is. You don't have to keep trying to come up with a way to change that, either. More than anything, you need to be true to yourself and your individual reactions. And if your boyfriend's disappointed, then that'll be his responsibility to deal with.

I struggle with the illegality, too. That's a large part of why I don't smoke but still am a passionate advocate for its use by others, particularly medicinal use. I have some health issues that cannabis might complicate at the moment, and I don't want to put my career or spouse at risk, either, which I would be doing if I were busted. Someday I hope to live in a state or country where it's not illegal. With luck, let's hope that'll be here in the United States sometime within the next decade. When that day comes, people like you and me will have the opportunity to try various strains and hybrids without fear of being busted and can see which ones work best for us. I suspect part of the problem with your experimentation so far has been that you haven't yet found a strain that works for you, and that's next to impossible to do when you're limited to what's sold on the street. That'w why so many people here on these boards grow their own--because they've found what works best for them.

I applaud your honesty--and also the fact that, even if it's not a substance whose benefits outweigh the drawbacks for you personally, you've adjusted your thinking about it. That's the sort of attitude adjustment we need about 125 million other adult Americans to make, including the members of both houses of our legislature.

[NextLineIsMine]

Id say a huge part is the psychological factor, another factor is that your new and you might be smoking a bit much considering your new. Just take a drag or two see how your doing then have another.

[Coelho]

Indeed... if you smoke only in the weekends, your tolerance is almost null, so the effects will be very strong.

I think youre absolutely right wishing to change booze for weed. It seems you know a good deal about this, so youre in the right path.

I would suggest to you smoke very slowly. Take one hit, wait 10-15 minutes until it kick in, then take another hit, wait some more 10-15 minutes, until you reach the desired level of highness. In your post you talk about a "mild stage" thats is enjoyable for you. So, try smoking hit by hit until you reach this level.

The strain of the weed makes a great difference too. There is the sativa strains, which gave a mind high, make you think a lot of things, but also gives anxiety to ones not used to it. And there is the indica strains, which give a body high, mellowness, relaxation, sleepness, and so. I would suggest to you smoke the indica ones until you become used to it.

Reading your description of the feelings you have when smoke, im almost sure youre smoking too much, and losing control of the high. Its frightening, i know. So, to overcome it, you must smoke less, until you are used to the efects.

And, good luck! I sincerely hope you can learn how to enjoy this wonderful plant. It will be very good to you. :thumbsup: