figure this one out... cuz no one so far has (a thread reminded me of this, figured i might as well ask... i'm quite curious why myself...)

anyways, until i was 18, i had the fear/imaginiation fo a 7 year old... it's embarrasing to admit, but i'm past that point now, and want to know why... now i'm normal... just the usual shit that would scare an 18-21 year old male, scares me, so i'm passed it and want to know what was up with me before..

here's the deal....

i couldn't sleep in my own room, i couldn't do anything alone... i was scared of bathrooms, i was scared of ANY room where there wasn't someone else... doens't matter when or where it scared the shit out of me.. i always thought there was some monster, or zombie, or ghost, right behind me, about to grab me and drag me into it's world....

this is where it gets harder to just 'explain away'... i KNEW it was impossible... i am, and have always been a logical person... problem is, this logic didn't seem to reach my brain... LOGICALLY i knew the shit i was going through was stupid to even think of... (and to imagine this type of fear, imagine you been kidnapped, see other people tied up on racks, and killers cutting body parts out of them while they're still alive, and you're next on this rack... that is exactly the level of fear i'm talking about) i COULD NOT stop it...

i knew it was stupid, but my body told me otherwise... i would freak out, i would run and scream, i'd have panic attacks many doctors have never even knew were capable... i must stress this... IT DID NOT MATTER THAT I KNEW IT WAS IMPOSSIBLE, MY BODY TOLD ME OTHERWISE WITH HOW IT WOULD FREAK OUT... so what the fuck...

yeah, overactive fear is common in anxiety patients, but NOTHING like this (i've actually had a couple of doctors tell me i'm making this all up, but ask my parents, grandparents, shit even my wife....) that fear was uncontrollable, and extreme... no ammount of 'conditioning' (facing fears) solved it, no medication solved it... i don't even truely know why it went away, just one day, it started not bothering me (at 16+)

so what was it? and why did it happen? i've NEVER heard of this in anyone else, and apparently, neither had any of my MANY doctors (like i said, some even called me crazy or attention needy saying i was making it all up)

but seriously, do these doctors think i liked having to have a friend or parent sit by the bathroom door while i bathed, or took a shit? just cuz i was so afraid while i was in there i was going ot disappear into some world worthy of a horror movie with some already popular movie villian chassing me deeper into his world? who the fuck, WHO THE FUCK, would make it up to such a point, tha tthey are constantly looking over their shoulder or looking around corners.. who the fuck would make or even fake shit like that? for years upon years... yeah, maybe i could understand a short time, just to get attention (a week, a month?) but years? fucking YEARS?

i want any explination, i want to learn more about what that was... i can't explain the fear i felt... this fear was so strong, (and i literally mean this) that i was scared to flush toilets, even with firends/parents/family standing outside, cuz i was scared it was goign to tell candyman (or the like) i was in that restroom and it was time to strike...

so wtf... someone please help me understand this... (i'm far over it so i don't need help 'dealing' with it... i just want to understand why most of my childhood was eaten away by this BS)
slipknotpsycho Reviewed by slipknotpsycho on . here you go, for those net-doctors figure this one out... cuz no one so far has (a thread reminded me of this, figured i might as well ask... i'm quite curious why myself...) anyways, until i was 18, i had the fear/imaginiation fo a 7 year old... it's embarrasing to admit, but i'm past that point now, and want to know why... now i'm normal... just the usual shit that would scare an 18-21 year old male, scares me, so i'm passed it and want to know what was up with me before.. here's the deal.... i couldn't sleep in my Rating: 5