dude omg okay i know what you gotta do, BITE into an onion and get someone to slap you in the face and then make the phone call chweing the onion. for some reason i think you'd sound sick lol.

im serious dude do it. or get some stingy eyedropss too. i just popped in these bauche and lomb eyedrops the sting like shit and make me sound like aye hab a could.