i have tried to quit quite a few times... for some quitting comes easier... my grandma smoked for over 20 years, then one day just said i don't wanna do this again, and never picked another one up, never caved.... for me on the other hand, i've had over 20-30 attempts..... only two lasting more than 2 months, the longer (and last) being 3 months....

the last 5 i was committed.... and i know most will say it's an excuse, but the only reason i picked up smoking again last time, was my wife was hit by a car, and i had an hour long drive to the hosptial, half way there i was just freaking the fucking out, not knowing what to expect, how we're gonna pay for this etc etc.... i caved dramaticly, and ended up smoking again, never dropped it since (nearly a year ago now) my hair was coming out, there was no such thing as a panic attack, as i was in constant 'panic attack' mode... the only name for it would be 'panic living'....

not knowing what to expect when you got an hour drive to the hospital where your wife who was hit by a car, can drive you quite a bit insane.... needless to say, i was ready for anything that was 'stress reliving'

i hate not being able to breathe.... lately i've been noticing it alot too... i get winded carrying out the laundry basket to the car..... i get winded walking up 1 floor worth the steps... i fucking hate it.... i used to ride my bike completely across the city just for fun/having nothing else to do.... now i couldn't ride it 3 blocks without getting tired....