I don't know if my advice will help, also keep in mind sometimes I don't make any sense at all when I'm hella baked like I am now.

When I was your age I was involved with a boy who was 20 years old, I had been with him since I was about 15/16 ish...it was a seriously off and on relationship all the time. He was extremely bipolar and was very unaware of it. He was always taking all kinds of drugs and I was pretty naive about drugs then so I dealt with it.

He made me feel really special because he always told me how much he loved me and how perfect I was....then often times he would just start a fight out of nowhere. These were really bad awful fights too...yelling..screaming..he would punch and throw shit...it was really bad.

When I first got with him though he had a place to live..a good job...he seemed fine. Then all the sudden he quits his job, has no place to live...and starts doing and selling drugs all the time.

I later find out he had had another girlfriend on the side pretty much the whole relationship that he did a very good job of lying about.

It was a pretty devastating few years...I just couldn't get away from him. No matter how bad I knew he was for me..and how much of a loser he was, I still felt I loved this boy. We would break up and get back together all the time, and apparently thats how things were with his girlfriend on the side too. Or maybe I was the girlfriend on the side?

He pretty much lived at both of our houses and would lie about where he was and such. I wasn't really away to the extent of his drug use later on in the relationship..but looking back, I know he was on drugs. He was always getting the gnarliest bloody noses..and sometimes he would just be throwing up for days.

When I confronted that other girl about him...we both confided in eachother and confronted him ourselves. He literally tried to commit suicide right in front of us, tried to slit his wrists...tried to take all his drugs..all his pills..he went NUTS! We had to call a friend for help and get all of the dangerous shit out of his house.

It's been nearly 4 years since then...and ya know what? Hes 25 years old now and has a 19 year old girlfriend...

I imagine hes fucking her up just as much as he fucked me up.

I am lucky now to have a boyfriend who puts a lot of effort in to our relationship...

I don't regret being with that boy, because I learned a lot. Despite ruining relationships with all my friends and family members to be with him...I guess thats what being bipolar was though, because he was the greatest most fun person ever sometimes..then he would be the worst person ever.

It is nice to have a more balanced emotional life now...

FUCK I'm sorry I babbled so much...I'm hella baked, but umm..I just wanted to let you know that I know how you feel, and I know how hard it is. But read back on all of our bad experiences in this thread and make up your mind of what the best thing you can do is.

I really feel for you girl. <3 good luck.