First of all, BFA, let me tell you that you seem like a very precious girl, smart and kind, and deserving of happiness, health, and productivity in life. And you remind me of me four years ago.

I have had three long term relationships. The first was with an abuser, but I wasn't yet strong enough after having my family torn apart by alcoholism to get out of the relationship. We were together for ten months before I finally got out.

The second was the one that really reminds me of this. We dated for a year and a half, and it was like you: in the beginning it was rough, but then it was great, but then things changed.

He had been involved with harder drugs in the years before I met him, at a different high school in Michigan. My high school that he moved to was the center for the heroin ring for the entire school district, which supplied to the whole Phoenix metro area. For a couple of months he was able to stay away from it, but not for very long. He got caught back up in it, and started verbally abusing me, ignoring me for his "friends" in the selling business, and being terribly overprotective. I stayed in the relationship, thinking that once he was able to stop, things would be fine.

Finally, after 18 months, I realized that even if he stopped right away, he would continuously go back to the drugs and the behaviors from before, unless he got help for his personal issues. I had nothing to do with it, it wasn't my fault that the relationship wasn't working, he brought too much toxic material to the relationship at his current stage in life to make it work.

If you are going to have a healthy relationship, you have to go into it with both people somewhat healthy. If one of the partners in the relationship brings with them toxic habits and behaviors, those habits and behaviors will have the same toxic effect on the relationship.

He has to get himself healthy, and to a point where he can manage his life without your help, before he can be a healthy contribution to your relationship.

I am not saying that you need to leave him - but you need to make sure that he AT LEAST starts to get help for his problems, or otherwise they will continue to drain you, and you do not deserve that. I would advise taking a break, just so he can work his issues out by himself and get healthy in his own mind.

You are not to blame for any of this, and you need to know that. You deserve to be happy, healthy, and productive, without the baggage of a toxic relationship dragging you down.