Extremely long post, serious advice needed.

[kingjustin]

Sorry BFA... I still love you.

Yeah but initiating a timed break (i.e. I need about a month to sort things out) can have a very positive effect on a relationship, or it can make you realize that you need to find something else.
Either way, just enjoy life and keep the joint burnin'.:jointsmile:

[thcbongman]

I was once on a path like your boyfriend, in a relationship, and my gf had the same complaints. I been there, but so I could give you some insight to what he's probably thinking.

If you truly love and care for him, you'd tell him that you can't live with this weight on your shoulders and he has to make his own choices. It takes you being strong, and it'll show how much he respects your words. You should know what wet, E and stuff are doing to him. I'm not saying this things are going to kill him, but even using it a few times, it takes sometime to completely recover whether you realize it or not. It makes you a different person, and the balance of your mind. It makes you overprotective, and paranoid, when you have no reason to be. This is not the kind of relationship you want to be in, you or him. He needs to come to realization of what he's doing to himself and correct his life. To be honest, it'll take more than you telling him to stop for him to get on the right path. He needs to regain his confidence and get his priorties straight.

Fly like a free bird. I see your posts about how much you love your boyfriend, it deja vu to me. I get the sense you aren't truly happy in this relationship, I know you'll deny it, but I believe most of us can see it.

[vileoxidation]

First of all, BFA, let me tell you that you seem like a very precious girl, smart and kind, and deserving of happiness, health, and productivity in life. And you remind me of me four years ago.

I have had three long term relationships. The first was with an abuser, but I wasn't yet strong enough after having my family torn apart by alcoholism to get out of the relationship. We were together for ten months before I finally got out.

The second was the one that really reminds me of this. We dated for a year and a half, and it was like you: in the beginning it was rough, but then it was great, but then things changed.

He had been involved with harder drugs in the years before I met him, at a different high school in Michigan. My high school that he moved to was the center for the heroin ring for the entire school district, which supplied to the whole Phoenix metro area. For a couple of months he was able to stay away from it, but not for very long. He got caught back up in it, and started verbally abusing me, ignoring me for his "friends" in the selling business, and being terribly overprotective. I stayed in the relationship, thinking that once he was able to stop, things would be fine.

Finally, after 18 months, I realized that even if he stopped right away, he would continuously go back to the drugs and the behaviors from before, unless he got help for his personal issues. I had nothing to do with it, it wasn't my fault that the relationship wasn't working, he brought too much toxic material to the relationship at his current stage in life to make it work.

If you are going to have a healthy relationship, you have to go into it with both people somewhat healthy. If one of the partners in the relationship brings with them toxic habits and behaviors, those habits and behaviors will have the same toxic effect on the relationship.

He has to get himself healthy, and to a point where he can manage his life without your help, before he can be a healthy contribution to your relationship.

I am not saying that you need to leave him - but you need to make sure that he AT LEAST starts to get help for his problems, or otherwise they will continue to drain you, and you do not deserve that. I would advise taking a break, just so he can work his issues out by himself and get healthy in his own mind.

You are not to blame for any of this, and you need to know that. You deserve to be happy, healthy, and productive, without the baggage of a toxic relationship dragging you down.

[Skink]

You had a hard time removing yourself from the last dick you were involved with... I seriously think your just afraid of having no one... You need time on your own,,,lose him and stay unattached for a while,,,learn that it is not as bad as you fear...

[TallulahGreen]

I don't know if my advice will help, also keep in mind sometimes I don't make any sense at all when I'm hella baked like I am now.

When I was your age I was involved with a boy who was 20 years old, I had been with him since I was about 15/16 ish...it was a seriously off and on relationship all the time. He was extremely bipolar and was very unaware of it. He was always taking all kinds of drugs and I was pretty naive about drugs then so I dealt with it.

He made me feel really special because he always told me how much he loved me and how perfect I was....then often times he would just start a fight out of nowhere. These were really bad awful fights too...yelling..screaming..he would punch and throw shit...it was really bad.

When I first got with him though he had a place to live..a good job...he seemed fine. Then all the sudden he quits his job, has no place to live...and starts doing and selling drugs all the time.

I later find out he had had another girlfriend on the side pretty much the whole relationship that he did a very good job of lying about.

It was a pretty devastating few years...I just couldn't get away from him. No matter how bad I knew he was for me..and how much of a loser he was, I still felt I loved this boy. We would break up and get back together all the time, and apparently thats how things were with his girlfriend on the side too. Or maybe I was the girlfriend on the side?

He pretty much lived at both of our houses and would lie about where he was and such. I wasn't really away to the extent of his drug use later on in the relationship..but looking back, I know he was on drugs. He was always getting the gnarliest bloody noses..and sometimes he would just be throwing up for days.

When I confronted that other girl about him...we both confided in eachother and confronted him ourselves. He literally tried to commit suicide right in front of us, tried to slit his wrists...tried to take all his drugs..all his pills..he went NUTS! We had to call a friend for help and get all of the dangerous shit out of his house.

It's been nearly 4 years since then...and ya know what? Hes 25 years old now and has a 19 year old girlfriend...

I imagine hes fucking her up just as much as he fucked me up.

I am lucky now to have a boyfriend who puts a lot of effort in to our relationship...

I don't regret being with that boy, because I learned a lot. Despite ruining relationships with all my friends and family members to be with him...I guess thats what being bipolar was though, because he was the greatest most fun person ever sometimes..then he would be the worst person ever.

It is nice to have a more balanced emotional life now...

FUCK I'm sorry I babbled so much...I'm hella baked, but umm..I just wanted to let you know that I know how you feel, and I know how hard it is. But read back on all of our bad experiences in this thread and make up your mind of what the best thing you can do is.

I really feel for you girl. <3 good luck.

[BabyFacedAbortion]

I think I got what I needed out of this thread, for the most part.

Here's yet another update.

He almost broke up with me friday.
Why?
Because my best friend had an emotional break down and decided to skip the second half of the school day and I went with her.

I don't really understand what I did that was so wrong to piss him off that much but my first reaction was "He's cheating on me".
(he's not)

My best friend explained to me that he's just crazy.

Basically, I've accepted the fact that he's becoming insane/obsessive and am taking EVERYTHING with a grain of salt.

No break-up yet, he apparently can't leave me and I can't leave him...

Thank you, everyone. Since this thread, every fight we have one of your responses pops into my head and it brings tears to my eyes. Basically I'm trying to weigh out the pros and cons constantly and at the moment the pros are winning, but not by much.

Thank you again. I really appreciate everything you've all said and the time you've put into each post.

[slipknotpsycho]

i hope in the end you make the right choice.. (and i don't mean that by what we've told you, i mean the right choice by what works out for you in the end) decisions like this are never easy, and it's good you're not just seeing all of us telling you, you basicly need to leave him, and taking that as solid word... just be careful... only you are really the one able to make the final call and judge what's for the best.... listen to your instinct... it almost never lies.... even if your heart does.

[vileoxidation]

Make sure you take care of yourself and get out in time if things elevate to any more of a severe level. I'm sure you can handle yourself, just be very careful. p;

[birdgirl73]

Sweet BFA, I want it to work out the way it's supposed to for you, too, hun. I have thought and thought about you this weekend, and I was thinking about you during my volunteer time yesterday afternoon.

Vileox's recommendation to be careful? That's really good advice. If and when the time does come that you make a break--and I'm not saying that that's what necessarily needs to happen, I'm just saying to keep this in mind--be aware that in intimate relationships when one person struggles with addiction and/or control issues, the time surrounding the breakup/separation is the time when the other party (who's most often the woman) is the most vulnerable to violence. I don't think your bf is likely to act in that way, but you never know. Just be prepared to look out for yourself. At the center where I volunteer, we recommend that ladies keep their cell phones on hand at all times and, for instance, never get in a physical position where you're apart from your car keys or where he's standing between you and an exit. May sound overly cautious but it's practical advice if the control issues kick in and the "abuser" is feeling threatened because his partner is exerting her independence.

[rebgirl420]

I think weve all been in that situation where you know the guy is like a poisen but you just cant let go. Im sorry hun.