Extremely long post, serious advice needed.

[BabyFacedAbortion]

Long post ahead: Please don't read if you feel the need to post something retarted. Serious advice needed

I just can't do this anymore. I have no one to talk to, about anything but, my boyfriend in specific. I'm going to rant and please, if you have advice..give it to me. I really need it right now. Please keep in mind that everything I say is the damn truth and if you don't believe it, don't respond.

My boyfriend and I have had the perfect relationship for the most part, today is our five month aniversary. In the begining it was rocky, because it started off with us fucking, then dating, and anyone who knows how that is gets what I mean. We fought a lot, about little things. Then, somehow..it got better. For months, it was great. Literally, great. Every weekend we'd see eachother and we'd talk all week, our sex life was amazing, there were no complaints.

Then something happened. I don't know what, he became overprotective but I could deal with that. I've had that happen to me before, in almost all of my relationships. But he's started to tell me what to wear (or rather..not wear.. i.e anything with any sort of cleavage showing), he told me how to do my makeup, things like that. He never did it meanly though, just comments like "Please don't wear that to school" or "You look better without eyeliner" ...nothing harsh or abusive.

This past weekend was hell. First, he came to my house fucked up off of DXM after I've repeatively told him "Do not come to my house on that shit". It was like how it was in the begining but worse. I spent the majority of my weekend bawling my eyes out in my bathroom, begging him to "just fucking hold me".

He got mad at me for wanting to do a specific drug other than weed, I said I wouldn't but he said he didn't trust me. I never gave him a reason not to trust me in our entire relationship.

We worked that out slowly, and then he calls me the next morning and tells me that he has to tell me something important, that he got caught cooking crack in his mom's kitchen the past week. I stayed calm, I didn't yell, but I asked him why. He said because he wanted to buy me a diamond ring. I'm far from a material girl, I don't mind shopping at kohl's or marshell's or wal*mart. And I told him that, very clearly, he said he wouldn't do it again. We've discussed him doing this before, he has a friend that was going to help him do it, but I begged him not to for his safety and he said he'd never do it. Crack heads are not nice people. Duh.

We fought more about this specific drugs. I had people over, and they were going to get some and to comply to him, I wasn't going to do it, I was just going to get it for them. He sat there angerly all night, talking to me in short sentences and ignoring me for the most part. Keep in mind, my boyfriend has done DXM, e, wet and all sorts of pills and drinks like a fish. I pretty much only smoke weed. That's it.

In the midst of one of our fights, he literally picked me up and moved me away from the door to leave. I threw a fit and he ended up leaving in the end. My best friend chased after him and basically said "You know that girl up there, crying her eyes out over you? Well she loves you more than anything." and that's all it took for him to come back.

Everything was good again, but then no more then a few hours later he was mad at me AGAIN. Why? Because two kids were going to have to sleep on the streets and I wouldn't let them. I had them stay over my house. He was pissed because I wouldn't let him sleep over.

Sunday came around and things were okay again,

then today..I had my guy friend from school over, for only a little bit, 'cause he's a nice kid and all and who cares right? He got mad at me. Telling me he "doesn't want me to hang out with guys alone". He also banned me from talking to another guy friend of mine, but honestly..I still do.

Let me point this out. He was being treated for anger, he was taking medicine (serequel I think.) but has stopped taking it a month or two ago. He refuses to go back on it or even to see a therapist or a psych.

I've gone through hell with this boy and back, there have been perfect nights and nights I wish we weren't together. But the problem is, I love him. I love him too much to give up on him but there has to be something that I can do that I'm not thinking of.

If you're going to say "break up with him", please don't bother. I can't do that.

I've been in a lot of different relationships and I've delt with them all pretty well, but this time..I really don't know what to do. I can hardly eat, I sleep as much as I can, because then...I don't have to deal with it.

Can anyone, at all, relate or help me, or something?

BabyFacedAbortion Reviewed by BabyFacedAbortion on 05-02-2007. Extremely long post, serious advice needed. Long post ahead: Please don't read if you feel the need to post something retarted. Serious advice needed I just can't do this anymore. I have no one to talk to, about anything but, my boyfriend in specific. I'm going to rant and please, if you have advice..give it to me. I really need it right now. Please keep in mind that everything I say is the damn truth and if you don't believe it, don't respond. My boyfriend and I have had the perfect relationship for the most part, today is our Rating: 5

[JamaicanHerbMan]

This sounds pretty familiar. First off to make a relationship work you have to be compatable, if you think you guys are then, you need to ask him striaght up whats the problem then its your call if you think he is worth the the trouble. Dont take this the wrong way but is he a black guy?? Why i asked is because most of us are extremely protective over someone we love. I was doing the samething with my Gf and didnt even know until she pointed it out. But we worked it out and we are good now just figure out if he is worth it and if he has your best interest at heart if he does, then you are going to have to do what it takes. Love has no shame remember that, when you are inlove the only thing that matters is the person you love. However if that person doesnt feel the same you are gonna be in for trouble. Hope that shed some light . Good luck

[mrdevious]

That really makes me feel bad you're stuck in such an awful situation BFA. Nobody has all the answers, but there are a few things to consider IMO. First off, considering his excessive degree of paranoia, mood swings, and distrust of you, there may be a good chance he's sampling the crack he cooks to supposedly sell. Honestly, I wouldn't be surprised if he was just cooking it for him and his buddies.

Secondly, I think you'll have to acknowledge that you have a (somewhat) mentally ill person on your hands. Mental illness isn't always about being batshit crazy and totally illogical, sometimes it can manifest itself as just what you described; paranoia, mood swings, eratic behavior etc. Doing all the drugs he is, and all the alcohol he consumes, his seratonin receptors are being bombarded into a decensitized mess and his constant triggering of dopamine (mostly from the drugs) is going to make him dependant on substances just to stay emotionally sane....even when they don't make him as such.

Be prepared for the inevitable, and don't fool yourself into believing everything's going to be OK from whatever point on if he doesn't change his habbits. He's going to be madly in love with you one day, and throw you to the curb the next. The scary thing is, he means it when he acts however he acts, from the most intense love to the most shallow hate. But don't expect him to comit to one mental state for good.

I think you also need to acknowledge a few things. If he really loves you, really cares about you deeply, he should be concerned about your wellbeing equally or more than his own. If he won't change his habbits even though he blatently sees the suffering he's putting you through, he's putting him first and you second. You both may believe he loves you, but that's not love.

Please, for the love of god, don't trap yourself in misery over an addiction. What addiction? Love. Love, especially intense love, feeds your brain a daily administration of dopamine that produces a very similar effect to cocaine. Just like coke, the withdrawl is unbearable. You need to face this, and understand that your intense fear of losing him is pretty much the same fear of not getting your fix. I know you have logical reasons for caring about him, and I'm not necessarily saying it's unjustified, but you will create nothing but suffering for the both of you if you won't even be open to the notion of knowing when a relationship has failed.

You're a smart girl, confident, and pretty. There's so much in life ahead of you that you don't yet see coming, so many perspectives you haven't even begun to glimpse. You can never truly know a situation or state of mind is the right one, until you can look at it from the outside. Just consider this.

My thoughts are with you, and I want your suffering to end. I hope you can want it as well, and know what it takes to end it.

[Samwhore]

Your getting to that "point." The "point" is kind of hard to explain, but basically, you know that it's the time to dick up and take charge or puss down and become submissive and be treated like this for awhile.

[NothingMoreThenTruth]

You should be a pyschologist or therapist or something Mr. Devious.

That was crazy good.

[BabyFacedAbortion]

Heres an update. I've talked to him more, and he definitly acknowledges his problem. I'm hoping he doesn't do crack, the thought didn't even cross my mind. That worries me though.

I, myself, am bipolar. I know the ups and downs..especially downs. I know what it's like to be off my meds (a.k.a NOT PRETTY) and I see him experiencing the same shit I used to.

I also go to a therapist and a psych. (Have been for almost 5 years) maybe I can work something out with my therapist or atleast get some advice from a professional's point of view.

IF we were to break up, we wouldn't see eachother anymore. We used to be in the same class, but he moved to a different town and he doesn't have many friends back here any more. Basically me, my lil brother and my best friend. It'd be almost too easy to end things if I really wanted to.

We were talking tonight and I asked him, "do you want to break up with me"..giving him the chance to get it over with if he wanted to. He swore up and down that he didn't want to. He suggested a break a few hours ago, but now he's very against it. I think he's scared I won't come back. He understands that he's hurting me, he told me "I don't want to drag you down with me".

I really appreciate the responses, everyone. Honestly, you've been more help then you realize.

[Weedhound]

Get rid of him. Immediately. Unless you want to be picking him back up whenever he goes off the deep end. And takes you with him both physically and psychologically.

BFA....you already knew the answer to the question so that's not really the question is it? The answer to the real question is: learn to like yourself. Do that first by learning to be honest with yourself. That will help answer any future questions in life that you may come up against. And you won't be sitting around crying about some screwed up guy like that one.

[napolitana869]

BFA, you say you know the ups and downs that come along with a mental illness, so you must know how hard it is to come up from a down time, even when you have professional help and medication. You know how irrational and scary those times can be for everyone involved. Now think of it this way, do you really want to be on the receiving end of someones emotions who is going through this who refuses to get help?
I've been in a very similar situation, and I'm bipolar too. It's really easy for a situation like this to trigger very bad times for yourself. You need to ask yourself if you logically think that this is healthy for you. Keep in mind hes only 15. I know you want to think that he's the one thats meant for you, but do you think he's mature enough for a serious relationship?
Talk to your doctor, and make the decision that is best for you and your future. You're a really nice girl and none of us want to hear about you getting hurt because you fell in love with the wrong person.

[russ-bob]

The best thing I can think of to do is just go out camping or something with him for a couple of days and DONT TALK TO ANAYONE ELTS. Just go and have some "bonding time" and both of you should discuss your expectations for the relationship and just chill out and get away from the rest of the world.

As for him telling you what not to whear just tell him what you feel about it. Obviously by him telling you that, he is scared that some one will take you from him so he must like you alot.

I hope you two work it out.


One more thing the crack/coke or whatever HAS TO GO that shit will just fu** up his life and anayone who is intertwined in his life. Even if he is just "cooking it" thats no good people get killed over that stuff.(I have a friend who saw his dad get shot in the head over a coke deal gone bad). And just think would you want some random crack-head going into your boyfriends house and getting all angry over a dependancy?

[geonagual]

Just sounds like you are young, you both are crazy in love with each other, which can be volatile but not willing to be open and accept each other. Jealousy is a terrible quality. So, I can see that trust is a big issue.
also, heavy drug use is a turn-off.
If your not gonna break up then you will have to try and fix these matters, I guess. Sounds like a lot of work. Good luck,