Trouble In The Hen House

[kdspecial]

So after a few days of thinking and discomfort in the aprtment air. You know the kind of air that is so thick you can feel it all the time.

I know I have always misunderstood my lady with some things and some messages I don't get b/c the way they are delivered or I have already shut down and am tunning her out.

Last night I had gone home with the intention of talking with her about what happens now. When are you leaveing and how and what do you need from me. She then turned to me. started crying and soobing etc. I didn't react all day I had been planning on being strong and not showing emotion So I was doing pretty good. She went for my hand and I pulled away She got really upset then. I started rubbing her back.

I started asking her some questions, slowly , What hurts? what do you feel? We both feel sad etc. Its hard. And a interesting answer I got from one question was...

"I'm sad becasue I have to leave and loose my future husband becasue of POT" She then explained since she meet me she has noticed I have really only smoked more pot. (Which is acurate) I have become more obsessed with it (Which is acurate) I started to grow it and make more and more plants (Which is correct) And when Im high somtimes I am very incoherrient and thats about 80% of the day some days. She can't get away from it like she needs too because I have it around. She says "It makes her depressed, LAzy anti social and Moody and she gets really angry at me for little reasons. And she really doesn't like doing that.

It kinda hit me then b/c I have had this sorta break down with a previous relationship. It was almost like a flash back.

She doesn't want it around because she doesn't want to smoke. She wants a better more clean life for me as well as her. Therefor hopfully improving our relationship and taking us to a next level in commitment and a better life.

It didn't hiut me untill she was abl;e to say it that way to me. The other times it was just yelled at me. THere was no emation except anger in the other times.

I love pot and growing etc. But I can't even argue that If I don't smoke it as often or at all I will have more energy, feel better and be able to make better more confident decisions. I have done well yes smoking every day since i was 15 (im 27 now) I have a great job I love Im stable etc. But lets all face it there are draw backs to this increadable lifestyle and drug we all are very fond of.

When I told her that I was seeing it this way now. That it had to do with me and US together. She looked at me as if "How couldn't you see that" She says it makes her moody which effects me.(very accurate) its makes her anti social, and lazy which also affects me (very accurate) and she says when she tells me things somtimes Im in a different world (which iss true as well) SO she says how can you not see that that affects you!!!

I had nothing to say really... Shes right. these things that I don't like about her she is saying are caused by her smoking. (weather thats the whole truth I don't know) BUt some of those traits come with smoking POt and that I do know. I even get moody when im high.

So now with this new information, or lets say understanding. Im sorta caught in a wall and a hard rock. Becasue I have been in this exact same spot 3 yrs ago with a love. That didn't end up well at all I lied and still smoked for 2 years without her knowing and the realtionshipo went to hell slowly and painfully. She didn't klnow I was smoking and thats not why we broke up but I had to live with the fact that I lied to her for 2 yrs. I learned a very good lession from that one. Lieing ina relationship only hurts yourself cuz when its all done you are the one who has to live with the guilt that you lied not the other person.

So I'm lost now because I am afarid If I give up POt and only smoke recationally, Which she said is cool. And I stop growing it and I kinda change my lifestyle a Bit WILL I RESENT HER FOR IT?

I feel im at the age where Pot really shouldn't be this important in my life that I have to lose another realtionship over it agian. But at the same time I feel I have to change myself and that is somthing Im not sure If I can comprimise. I can say in a second,, Oh yeah change no problem. But I am old enough now to know thoise are just words. and with my last GF I really did start to resent her over time because she was so closed minded about POt.

I ahve a great girl here a best friend, who isn't totally closed minded about POT She wants me to make some lifstyle changes which I now see isn't for her sole benifit only. But more for us to move foward as mature adults. And I see all the reasons why I should but still feel like I may not be able too.

I did ask her if she would come to consulling with me. She said yes right away. Which I was prety happy about I assured her it was for me. Cuz I don't undertsand some of the messages she is sending me. She kinda got defensive at that point and said if you don't smoke as much you will get the messages, geez... I had mixed feelings once that came out.

She then said she would think about it. She said that If I don't smoke Ill get the messages and I wont have to go to consullor. But I really have more of a motive to go for other reeasons as well for her and I. But I didn ask her "well before I told you why I wanted to go to a consulor why did you say yes right away?" She said "Cuz i'll do anything for you" that was comforting.

You see I know We will need consullnig even if its a just to be safe thing. I know it can't hurt regardless. Plus last tiome I quit for 3 months I needed alot of help. I even turned to Clonansopam and Effexor which was a big help but not exactly a perminant solution.

SO I guess what Im saying is should my thoughts change now? Has she really reached out to me and stripped down to really try and help me undersatnd the situation and her feelings for US?

Or has she just gotten scared that I really wasn't going to chase after her. like I usually do.

Any help is greatly appreciated,

kd

[action.420]

IMO, it all matters exactly how much this woman means to you and judging by your post it's alot. If you still want to smoke recreationally and she will let you then I mean it's at least worth a shot. No harm will come from trying to put down the herb on say the weekdays and only smoke on the weekends, you most likely will have a much more healthy lifestyle, and relationship. Just my 2 cents.

[stinkyattic]

Has she really reached out to me and stripped down to really try and help me undersatnd the situation and her feelings for US?

Or has she just gotten scared that I really wasn't going to chase after her. like I usually do.

Very interesting wrap up...

Don't know if you got my last email but that chasing bit... yikes. Deja vu.

Either way, the idea of only smoking on weekends isn't a half bad one as a compromise.

If she is serious that the reason she wants to you lay off the stuff is for a healthier lifestyle, don't forget that a lot of pro athletes still smoke... a healthy lifestyle goes much deeper... maybe suggest to her that you join a gym together or a cycling club, because then not only will you have something you can do as a couple, it is also healthy, and the social aspects of cycling clubs are totally great! Of course in my experience there's plenty of toking and beer there too, hahaha, but at least you earned it, right?

And then you are saying that you ended up on antidepressants last time you quit smoking? Well there again you guys have GOT to replace smoking with an activity if you want to really make a change.

Counseling... I hope she does not look at it as you have a drug problem and need help with that; if you are fighting depression or anxiety that's one thing and yea, I have had good luck with both therapy and stony indicas for my own anxiety problems... IMHO they both have a place in its treatment, far more than mainstream pharmaceuticals, which I look at as the least desirable option because of the side effects.

I still think you guys need a change of scenery... what's the chance you can get out of the city this weekend and go enjoy the springtime? If your relationship has become sitting on the sofa and smoking, what do you have left to do but bicker? I think in a successful partnership you have to really make an effort to DO things that keep reinforcing positive experiences and remind you why you like each other.

[dusto2k3]

I still think you guys need a change of scenery... what's the chance you can get out of the city this weekend and go enjoy the springtime? If your relationship has become sitting on the sofa and smoking, what do you have left to do but bicker? I think in a successful partnership you have to really make an effort to DO things that keep reinforcing positive experiences and remind you why you like each other.

Holy shit, that there should be set in stone.

Kd, best wishes, i wish i had some advise, but that there ^^is the best i've heard in a looong time.

[kdspecial]

I still think you guys need a change of scenery... what's the chance you can get out of the city this weekend and go enjoy the springtime? If your relationship has become sitting on the sofa and smoking, what do you have left to do but bicker? I think in a successful partnership you have to really make an effort to DO things that keep reinforcing positive experiences and remind you why you like each other.

I did get your email and thank kindly. You are a great friend. As our all my Cannabis community friends.

you are completely right. I have been trying to plan a little getaway for some time now. I have been so damm busy at work tho. But this has got to be it. I actully wanted to take her to see ROCK ON! The queen musical, You know a kind of fancy date where we get dressed up and stuff. Her and I needed new running shoes so unfortunatly I opted for that instead. But the show is still in the City for a hwile now.

I think tonight I will lay down all the cards, I really have nothign to lose. I will tell her exactly what I think we should do and show her that I really do want her and care for her. And I respect her wishes and understand NOw where she is comming from.

I think a trip to Naigra falls might be in order this weekend. The rainforest cafe is a great experience. If you have never herd of it I suggest looking it up on the NET and finding where one is you and the Yeag would love it. The bar has water that falls on the edges of where you sit just enough to be there but not enough for you to get wet. Its really amazing.

SO one thing that is kinda buggin me.. Well I just don't know what to do. I have told her that I still want to smoke occasionally, I don't wanna pay for shitty BUD. Espically when I have 2 SmahBErrys and a Papya at 2 weeks flowering. I think I am gonna ask her if its cool that I let these finish then I will diusmantle the Box and get rid of it. at least take it out of service. However I was thinking of maybe growing Strawberrys in there But I would have to reasearch on if i actully could.

If she doesn't go for that I will honestly understand and take the plants to a forest somwhere and stick them in the ground and let them die Or grow into the ground. I realize they would most likly die due to the shock but if they do work out they would go back into VEG state and be monsters by the end of the summer. I mean Gorillas.

But I will have to see,, Hey stinky just so I have a bit of bargening power. How long did these strains take to flower in your experience? 6 to 8 weeks?
I always pick em a little early anyways I try for the more heady high.

I really feel at this point I don't have much to lose. ither way,, A few weeds plants gone is't the end of the world. If it bring positive change to my lifestyle than that is only a gain. Change is difficult but I should welcome it as well.

I would be lying If I asid I haven't looked at my Smoking Habit and asked why I do it so often. As well why I like it so so much? Perhaps this time I will understand why I like it and maybe find out that I really don't need it in my life anymore. (I really doubt that last one tho)

Thanks for all the helps guys and Gals...Advice form friends is always a great thing We have some really great people on this site.

kd_special

[kdspecial]

Counseling... I hope she does not look at it as you have a drug problem and need help with that; if you are fighting depression or anxiety that's one thing and yea, I have had good luck with both therapy and stony indicas for my own anxiety problems... IMHO they both have a place in its treatment, far more than mainstream pharmaceuticals, which I look at as the least desirable option because of the side effects.

Ohh no its nothign like that, I think she understands that I really want some changes too and she knows all too well what I mean, But is scared to do so. I tried my best to let her know It was for me. and not her. But now thinking about it I shoudl have just been totally honest and said ITs for Both of us. ME and YOu

kd

[foxysox]

Heya KD, the Smashberry comes down pretty fast. Like, 6-7 weeks. Papaya is closer the the usual 8, but worth it.
I will never encourage an end to gardening! Even if you take the box out of service for a bit, hang on to the thing! And if you have mothers you like, keep them too... I hate giving up good genetics. F'real. I think you guys can come up with a better compromise... so you're runners? WTF, go running already! Taht way you won't be sitting at home smoking.
Niagara Falls... I've been there OH so many times but always with family, so it's just the boring tourist stuff; I did however have a lovely experience at one of the hotel bars where I went to get a break from my mother (and found my stepdad down there too, lol, and he isn't even much of a drinker)... well, the place set a new record for the number of fruit flies in one Wild Turkey Manhattan: 13!!!! I was very very excited; as a person with 10 years of bartending experience under my belt, I have never seen that many fruit flies in any single entire BOTTLE of the shit. And even worse, that the barkeep didn't notice as he was straining it out, and just served it, 'garnishes' and all!

[kdspecial]

Yeah I think I might keep all the supplys for the BOx but trash it. It needed better airflow anyways and I did needa bigger one for the small amounts of plants I grew.

yeah you know what Niagrar is kinda overrated. I just really wanted to eat at the rainforest resturant. It is such a cool experience there is a rain storm every 30 mins,, THunder and all The animals make noises and move too. As well I would be on the Canadian side,, Not sure what side your talking about but From what I can see the Candian side is much nicer to look at.

Ohhh another thing I like about Niagra is they have Dennys... yeah good Ol Americian Grade A Dennys. Its like the only one in Ontraio. Its so expensive too but so so good. I went ot the states one time for A trip and walked into Dennys I couldn't believe the pirce difference.

I mean a buger and fries at Dennys is like 11.00 CAD here. 11 bucks... Everything in Naigra is more expensive but thats pricey///

Im thinking theres gotta be a better place to go outside of Toronto.. Or perhaps a trip up the CNTower. I haven't done that for a long time and I bet she has never been up there. the resturant up there moves 360 ndegrees so you can see all over the city and surrounding areas while you eat. Ill figure somthing out.

Thanks for the inputs Guys and GAls

kd

[Hardcore Newbie]

Dude if you're in toronto you can just head to yorkville mall for the rainforest restaurant.

They have Denny's in Whitby by the Oshawa border just off the 401 highway :P

the weather's getting nice too, I'm not sure what you guys enjoy doing day to day but there's tonnes of stuff in the TO

[stinkyattic]

I'm having a hard time seeing what's so great about Denny's... ???
I don;t get it! Around here, they're supa schwag.
We have a non-chain Denny's locally.. it USED to be part of the chain but was sold and they changed the menu... it's SO much better!