Trouble In The Hen House

[kdspecial]

I'm not really one to post personal stuff on a web site and ask for help, But considering the situation and the subject this site seems liek a convienent place to do so.

My Gf of a year and a half Living together for a year. Has come to me in frantic times, and said she doesn't wanna smoke anymore. We both smoke everyday frequently. She sayds she doesn't wanna laze around and she honestly feels its ruining her life. I say fine thats cool, I will do what I can to help you with the situation. Do you want me to stop smoking as well? No Just don't do it around me. Fari enough I wanna help and be supportive and I needa break anyways so I will stop smoking for a bit as well. Cool Cool

So a week goes by and I'm feeling pretty good about not smoking. Then she comes home witha Bag. (I also thought I'd mention I havea grow Box as well) Shes like I wanna smoke again cuz im just bored etc etc. Then we smoke and it goes back to normal again. Smoking every day or so,, Then a month goes by and we have the same frantic argument..,.

I waanna stop smoking But YOu have you boix and have weed around all the time etc etc. So in a Fit I said what would you like me to do, Ill get rid of the plants box whatever I don't feel I should stop smoking but I will not smoke around you etc etc. It calms down again. and a day goes by or two and shes smoking again. So I continue back and start smoking with her again.

Another month goes by and the same thing again But now shes says shes gotta leave and that she told me we have a problem, Weed is always around her and IF I loved her I would have stopped her from smokiong and gotten rid of the Box a long time ago and shes had it now Im a bad influence on her and I Have a problem etc etc,

What do I do? Do I call it quits and end this relationship or do I get rid of my Grow Box stop smoking and hope somthign changes when I truly believe to myself that the weed isn't the problem I believe the problem is in somthing else and weed is being used as the outlet to deal with the problem,

AM I carzy in thinking this? Any of you Women,,, I say Women cuz I know there are slot of HIgh schoolers out on this site. I respect your opionions I just know most of you you haven't dealt with these kind of serious emotions in relationships yet. Living together etc.

You see I love weed, I love growing it I have found gardening to become more of a hobby than anything now. I don't mind giving somthign up for the one I love but I think Theres more of another problem going on here, and unfortunatly its not somthing I can fix. And then I have to make my Lady happy but at what cost do I sacrifice what makes me happy? Espically when I feel its not the problem

We have never been good at talking about stuff,, She gets too angry flips out and I just trun right off in defense (Im patient and dont like to yell it doesn't help the situation) before anythign really gets talked about.. She gets mad. I withdraw cuz I don't know what to do cuz its so overwhelming. Then I bet she feels undervalued or somthign Shes always saying im not listening, The cycle continues...

This is gonna be a hard next couple of weeks for the KD man....

Any insight on this could be helpful for my decisions in the up comming week.

kd

kdspecial Reviewed by kdspecial on 04-23-2007. Trouble In The Hen House I'm not really one to post personal stuff on a web site and ask for help, But considering the situation and the subject this site seems liek a convienent place to do so. My Gf of a year and a half Living together for a year. Has come to me in frantic times, and said she doesn't wanna smoke anymore. We both smoke everyday frequently. She sayds she doesn't wanna laze around and she honestly feels its ruining her life. I say fine thats cool, I will do what I can to help you with the situation. Rating: 5

[Kid Dynamite]

I don't know your situation explicitly, nor am i a woman, but it seems to me like she has convinced herself that she needsto quit smoking weed, and she's blaming her inability to quit on you having weed all the time. Seems like rubbish to me, as you said that SHE went out and bought a bag because she wanted a smoke...it's not like you gave in and supplied it to her. If i were you i would keep the box and keep smoking, but refuse to smoke with her even if she comes to you and says "Oh im bored, lets have a smoke"

[slipknotpsycho]

i don't think anyone should change for anyone but themselves... unless you want to stop, i don't feel you should have to. relationships are give and take true, but that doesn't mean they can take what they don't like away, and give 'freedoms' at their own disgression..

quitting smoking around her is enough... if she just looks at weed related stuff and wants to smoke, then she's fucked anyways. it's all over the place.. papers, blunts, bongs, pipes.... tv shows, movies, random people walking down the street... etc...

i think she doesn't want to admit to her own weakness and using you as a scapegoat so she doesn't feel so bad that she broke down and started up again.... i think she definately NEEDS to learn it's her responsibility to quit, and it's her fault if she breaks down....

i bet you she blames you for other shit that's her fault as well.... personally, if someoen can't take responsibility for themselves, i don't think they should be in a relationship...

[JaggedEdge]

That is what it sounded like to me too, Slip. Don't take offense to this, but it sounds like you have your hands full with her, and I would try and end the relationship.

You are being very mature about the situation, but because she is weak willed, she keeps pushing the blame on you.

[kdspecial]

i bet you she blames you for other shit that's her fault as well....

Thats pretty accurate in some select cases.

I wanna help and I want to be the strong Man with this, But I feel like in order to do So I have to step outside who I am and the foundation that I was raised and brought up with...

kd

[kdspecial]

You are being very mature about the situation, but because she is weak willed, she keeps pushing the blame on you.

Its tough for me cuz My mentality is too.

A - What is the problem how is it affecting Her and US

B - What did I do to make this happen and how can a change it

Then and I rarely get here

C - how does this affect me and just me...

I always look at everything else before I go to me. Thats just how I deal with situations.

kd

[stinkyattic]

We have never been good at talking about stuff,, She gets too angry flips out and I just trun right off in defense (Im patient and dont like to yell it doesn't help the situation) before anythign really gets talked about.. She gets mad. I withdraw cuz I don't know what to do cuz its so overwhelming. Then I bet she feels undervalued or somthign Shes always saying im not listening, The cycle continues...
kd

2 Different problems big guy.
^^^This is the one you have to worry about in your relationship.^^^^

She is finding it easier to blame you/weed/(I'll bet there's other stuff she blames too that you haven't mentioned) for her own inability to keep on top of personal goals and growth.

This is weakness on her part IMO and while we all get the luxury of our own little quirks, she is being unfair by blaming it on you.

BTW I believe that gardening is a totally worthwhile hobby; don't get rid of the grow box... she says she's smoking because she's bored... dare I say it... that she may simply be BORING? Sounds like someone needs a hobby... and it's not our dear KD.

It sounds like you have been very flexible in all this and unfortunately thsi may be sending a signal that all she has to do is throw a fit and you will change rather than have a confrontation about whatever is bothering her... it's a breakdown in your communication patterns... when she becomes angry and you shut down... if you are going to save the relationship you have to start by changing your usual method of solving problems together. Because the weed is like, NOT the biggest problem you're going to encounter in your relationship... I know you hope to buy a house some day... be ready for some SERIOUS problem solving... and if your current method of just caving to avoid confrontation keeps up, you're going to REALLY resent her in a few years. PROMISE.

[stinkyattic]

i bet you she blames you for other shit that's her fault as well.... personally, if someoen can't take responsibility for themselves, i don't think they should be in a relationship...

didn't even notice this...
lol it seems like we have some agreement among the amateur relationship counselors!

[kdspecial]

it's a breakdown in your communication patterns... when she becomes angry and you shut down... if you are going to save the relationship you have to start by changing your usual method of solving problems together. Because the weed is like, NOT the biggest problem you're going to encounter in your relationship... I know you hope to buy a house some day... be ready for some SERIOUS problem solving... and if your current method of just caving to avoid confrontation keeps up, you're going to REALLY resent her in a few years. PROMISE.

Hey Stinky....

yes this has bogged my mind many times,, I know there are some really hard things ahead ina life with somone. I have thought various times about houses Condos, Kids Familys, Money alone is a annoying a touchy subject.

Last time I stood up and was like fuk this Its not going down like this. She ran away. I pointed out some obious things that were wrong, I got slapped, A beer thrown at me and I was punched in the face. I kinda laughed it off hurting laugh though. But I was ready to lose it. My closet door paid the price. She left threating to leave saying shes not comming back (I said dont ever threaten to leave me thats childish. Espically for somone who tells you they want to marry you.) and later she came back we made up but didn't actully resolve anything. Because todays problem is still here..

Man this has got me really bummed out, I care so so much about things its a curse rather than a blessing. I love this gurl more than anything. We are best friends and to me thats the most important thing. Loveing is the easy part. Being best friends can take years to happen with some couples and it never happens at all with others.

Ahhh whata mind fuk,, Im meeting with my Pops tonight Kinda perfect timming. He hopfully will have something good to say..

Thanks for the inputs guys and Gals...
More is always welcome at this time....

kd

[slipknotpsycho]

I care so so much about things its a curse rather than a blessing

having the ability to care of more then yourself or what you want is a blessing.... the curse is the fact the person you choose to show this love to, doesn't seem to want it... or atleast, not unless it's in her terms.