One thing I found when I first started rolling and used the pen method is I packed it too tight, be careful there. I think you did a damn good job for your first try and just need to keep practicing.

Someone mentioned getting some tobacco and some papers and practice rolling that way, it's a really good idea, I did this when I first started and it helped a lot. And if you don't smoke ciggs you can either give them away or just pitch them. (make sure you but the cheapest tobacco possible)

Good luck and keep rollin!