hahahaha that is fucking hysterical.
Why don't you do what I do, and take a magnifying glass.... preferably at least a 15 foot diameter Fresnel lens... and use that to concentrate the energy of the moonlight on the buds in the hollowed out apple you are no doubt smoking out of... your mom won't hear a peep until you slip and lose your balance under the weight of it and end up kicking up your 14 year old heels in her azalea patch....
But as far as a source of ignition is concerned, it's SILENT.
Enjoy, kiddo!