Man, I have gone through some single times where I considered stealing the bottom half of a manequin from Dillards and I was certain no female would ever talk to me again. But how does this always happen to pretty much every guy??? The following shit NEVER happens to me and will NEVER happen to me in 1000 fucking years.

Last night I go to local bar to play pool with some neighbors. Girlfriend and her friend come too, sitting at a table far away while I play.

I am walking to the bathroom and some guy stops me and introduces himself (hmmmmm...) and says "hey man, you see me shooting pool over their with those 2 fine ass girls?" and im thinking, did I stare wrong at your GF or something? kinda strange......so I say "I didnt really notice any girls back there". He says "well everyone is trying to tag the hot one and she says she wants the guy over there in the green shirt (me).........like the guy is doing the girl a favor....WTF? so I say "haha, unfortunately I am here with my girlfriend and her network of spies"......so I go back to playing pool and they go into a huddle looking back at me talking, then she spends the rest of the night avoiding all eye contact with me and going down the line flirting with the other guys....LOL. Kinda nice self esteem boost. Doesnt feel bad.

THEN some hot girl that used to be friends with my old roomate shows up and comes over. She talks to me and offers me to go in her car and smoke some hash........FUCK......I cant exactly do that either because my girlfriend is not cool enough to explain that one to. Not to mention in the back of my mind im thinking "you never know". So I kinda tell her no thanks, wish I could, girlfriend is a biatch.

Then my girlfriend and her friend leave and I am starting to get hammered. Earlier I saw some hispanic looking chick checking me out when I went to the bar to get beer, but I wasnt even sure if it was checking me out or looking in my general direction. All of the sudden that girl is sitting on a stool next to us because one of her friends knows my neighbors.

She is totaly staring me the fuck down hardcore so I introduce myself (cant hurt right) and we talk while im destroying fuckers at pool (I was on fire everywhere). This chick has been here 8 months from Brazil and is a PERSONAL TRAINER........................................OMF G.......................so I get bonus points by knowing what copuera is (or however the fuck you spell it). It is brazillian old school slave exercises, really. Its disguised as dancing but its a bunch of crazy workout shit.

I smoke heavily when I play pool or poker, so I am smoking like a fucking fiend (most girls dont like). She says she doesnt smoke but she "wants to share a cigarette with me"....????? so I say, uh, ok and light my 500th cigarette and give it to her. She doesnt smoke it, and as I come back from shooting, she picks it up and holds it to my mouth.......me and my neighbors are looking at each other like "what the fuck"......like a made this bitch on the movie weird science!!!?!?!?! she was like, being my sexy smoking assistant.......never seen that before.......

I am fucking tanked and she and her friend say they have to go. Oh wait, I forgot to mention that from the beggining, somehow this girl knew I had a GF too, I may have told her, my jealous neighbors probably did too.....so like a dipishit I say, "well, give me your number" and she says "ok, even though you have a girlfriend". She gives it to me hugs me and kisses me on the cheek 3 times. They leave and were are all just standing around like "what in the FUCK was THAT SHIT???".

OH, more details, she wasnt drunk. I didnt see her drink shit.......thats strange enough right there......And now I remember something totally fucking funny. At first, right when we I introduced myself, she asked "what are you drinking" and I was like "fuck that shit", you know how predatory they can be........and I said, "well, im taking it easy tonight", even though I was sloshed like 10 minutes later......and she still talked to me after the drink refusal@!!!!!

Someone talk me out of calling this girl.....please.......

What is the moral of my story? They all must have had AIDs.
Diary of a Madman Reviewed by Diary of a Madman on . Girls dont want us unless we're taken Man, I have gone through some single times where I considered stealing the bottom half of a manequin from Dillards and I was certain no female would ever talk to me again. But how does this always happen to pretty much every guy??? The following shit NEVER happens to me and will NEVER happen to me in 1000 fucking years. Last night I go to local bar to play pool with some neighbors. Girlfriend and her friend come too, sitting at a table far away while I play. I am walking to the bathroom Rating: 5