A couple of weeks ago I had to talk to a cop high. I was over at my friend's house and she has this annoying fucking neighbor living below her who will call the cops if they can hear their TV or music after like 8 o'clock. They don't even play it loud, it's like the volume of somebody talking. So one night it was me, my friend, and her roommate and we were smoking out of her roommate's bong, and drinking beer, and we hear knock on the door.

My friend looks out the window and sees a cop car. My friend locks the door, takes the bong and they go into one of the back bedrooms. I don't know what else to do so I follow them. My friend says she can't answer the door because she already has a ticket for a noise ordinance and can't get in trouble again. Her roommate is 19 and there's beer bottles all over, so that was a no-go too. I'm the only one who can talk to the cops, so we come up with a quick cover story and I go answer the door while they hide in the back room.

I tell the pig at the door that it's just me here, and I was watching TV. He asks me how long I've been living here, and I tell him it's not my place. He takes my ID and writes some shit down in his little piggie notebook, and then leaves. I hate talking to the cops sober, but if I have to do it high I get really nervous. I couldn't stop myself from shaking for several minutes.