the thing where ur dreaming but u cant wake up is called sleep paralysis google it or somthin. I wasnt implying u kill urself, i was just sayin that alot of shamans die trying to become shamans so if you wanted to follow that spiritual path be prepared to put your entire life into it. Shaman initiation includes being torn apart completely in the astral realm and be put back together bone by bone, piece by piece. Shaman have been known to still have lifelike skin long after death, they dont deteriorate as a normal human.