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12-16-2004, 03:58 AM #2
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Anyone ever feel like giving up?
'bout the only thing I can tell ya is that, through my experience, worry about yourself first and others come second. I mean, your all you have and all you can rely on, so why not take care of that first? Everyone else (except maybe the closest of family) are a dime a dozen.
Last winter I was pretty down, and was doing some not so cool shit to escape me reality. Tons of DXM, booze, herb, powder, pills, mushies, you name it I was doing it. Usually mixing at least 3 a night. Every night. For months. I finally quit the boozin and hardcore shit, and took a step back to look at my life. I disregarded my emotions and tried to objectively determine who I was becoming, what I wanted to become, where I wanted to go in life and where I was heading. That really woke me up, I mean I'm not perfect or anything, but I really allowed myself to come to some truths and come to some peace with myself for the first time in a long time. I'm not sure of a lot still, and I'm veyr confused about who I really am (cliche, I know, but fuck it!), but at least I know what I need to do now in order to get anywhere.
I guess I'm just saying when the skies look the darkest, try to step back and look at things through a third person, try to see what's really in front of you beyond what your feeling. Its hard and takes practice, but kind of like mediation, it can be an immesely rewarding skill
I see a red door and I want it painted black / No colors anymore I want them to turn black / I see the girls walk by dressed in their summer clothes / I have to turn my head until my darkness goes
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