Talking CCTV cameras 'set to slash crime figures' [align=left] Andrew Thomas
The Inquirer
Wednesday April 4, 2007 [/align]
IT WAS a bright cold day in April, and the clocks were striking thirteen.
Winston Smith and his posse were sniffing glue in the litter-strewn shopping mall, waiting for a hapless mugging victim to stroll by.
High overhead, a desultory, mangy pigeon was disturbed by the whine of a servo motor as the cameras tracked lazily across the scene. Suddenly, the silence was shattered as a shrill voice, distorted by cheap electronics, crackled: "Excuse me, would you mind picking up that piece of paper you've just dropped?"
Gripped by terror at hearing the voice of Big Brother, the gang ran as if their very lives were at stake. Law and order had been restored.
It's a funny little world Home Secretary John Reid must live in. According to the BBC, he's just signed off half a million quid to equip 20 town centres across England with talking CCTV cameras, claiming that people dropping litter or committing anti-social behaviour will stop immediately if someone in a cosy control centre ten miles away and has no way of posing any physical threat whatsoever tells them off. No doubt they will also be so ashamed that they will immediately sign up for Bible study classes and become model citizens.
Reid is planning competitions at schools across the land to find kids to provide the voice of Big Brother. Now, if there's one thing certain to put the fear of God into a gang of knife-wielding teenage crack addicts, it's the voice of little Susie from Year Four telling them off.
"By funding and supporting these local schemes, the government is encouraging children to send this clear message to grown ups - act anti-socially and you will face the shame of being publicly embarrassed," said the Home Secretary. "It helps counter things like litter, drunk or disorderly behaviour [and] gangs congregating."
Law and order experts point out that a couple of policemen on the street might also achieve the same result, although this would obviously distract them from the vital tasks of shooting Brazilian electricians and setting up roadblocks to catch motorists with expired tax discs. µ
Inq Factoid
There are over four million CCTV cameras in Britain.
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pisshead Reviewed by pisshead on . Orwell's England Orwell's England Christopher S. Bentley JBS Tuesday April 3, 2007 Within 200 yards of flat number 27B, an unassuming fourth floor North London apartment, there are 28 closed circuit television (CCTV) cameras, their unblinking electronic eyes keeping a watch on everything that happens in nearby Canonbury Square. According to the British entertainment guide This Is London, the apartment's "rear windows are constantly viewed Rating: 5