Nice, you've obviously got a talent here.. But I can't resist giving you some constructive criticism, hehe..

Like previous posters have said, the words are sound but the rhythm is a best suspect. The first two lines seem to be losely written in an iambic pentameter but then the following lines don't seem to follow any discernable meter at all. This gives a slight awkwardness to the rhythm of the poem and makes it difficult to follow. You don't have to know alot about the workings of poetry to fix this, just try and make sure that the over all rhythm of each line fits in. Do you listen to rap, by any chance?
GHoSToKeR Reviewed by GHoSToKeR on . The American Dream Revisited I wrote this today. Let me know what you think. The American Dream Revisited Everyday a kid gets his fix, Two pills from the doctor takes away his twitch. Tweak for the children, Trips for the tired, Weed for the lucky, And Smack for the dieing. They hook all them up, Rating: 5