I feel condemned...

[Xhoshi]

I would like to be serious for a second, so bear with me and listen to my story.

So I'm over my old friend's house, he's 16 and i'm 17, and we are toking up some sick kush chronic mix out of my homemade. So after toking, we head off to the nearby 7/11 and buy a bunch of shit. We are sitting outside drinking slurpee and eating those shitty nachos. Its about 2:00AM

Suddenly we see a crazy guy across the street jump straight into the path of an SUV . The SUV swerves out of the way just in time and the driver curses at him and scrams. The only ppl on the street are us and the crazy guy. He then approaches us, I considered running but I decide he's probably just trying to go into the 7/11. He comes straight to us. He appears to be a very pale black man, he is very skinny, his eyes are bloodshot and he is very aggitated. He then asks me something. I couldn't make out what he was saying. I was high as shit and freaked out because he had a guitar bag on him that looked like it had a gun inside. I seriously thought this man was lucifer or his disciple. I was really trippin out.

The man opens the guitar bag and takes out a beat up crappy guitar. He asks me to play it in a very shaken voice, I have been playing for a while, but he isnt impressed by my playing, he just becomes more depressed looking. He asks me if i want it. I tell him "no thanks". He says "I'm asking you to buy it off me". Fuck, I don't want to get stabbed tonight. Eventually I convince him i'm not interested in buying the guitar and my friend offers him some money.

The man thanks us but tells us that this wasn't enough money to get home or to get to the top of "that cliff". I ask him why he needs to go to that cliff. He glares at me and says, "didn't you hear what I told you right when I got here?" I say no. "I need to kill myself by daybreak" he tells me. He then chuckles a sick laugh and says "I sound like some guy out of a movie, huh?"

His face becomes serious and he rolls up his sleeves. On his arms there are at least 100 deep, self-inflicted slashes from forearms to wrists. He says, "If you want to kill urself make sure u cut deep enough". He also says, "make sure u try out a gun before using it on urself, it may misfire."

I cut him off and ask him if he believes in God. He says "yes" and that "he is very angry at me right now".
I tried to convince him to reconsider, to delay his death to another day, to find a way out. He just tells me that it is a matter of honor. He then thanks us and says he must go.

My friend doesnt smoke with me anymore and has only brought up this event once, which was when I asked him if he wanted to smoke again. He told me he feels guilty whenever he smokes weed. He believes that he couldn't rationalize that day due to weed and it was my fault for smoking him out that day and my fault he couldn't convince the guy not to commit suicide.

Xhoshi Reviewed by Xhoshi on 04-03-2007. I feel condemned... I would like to be serious for a second, so bear with me and listen to my story. So I'm over my old friend's house, he's 16 and i'm 17, and we are toking up some sick kush chronic mix out of my homemade. So after toking, we head off to the nearby 7/11 and buy a bunch of shit. We are sitting outside drinking slurpee and eating those shitty nachos. Its about 2:00AM Suddenly we see a crazy guy across the street jump straight into the path of an SUV . The SUV swerves out of the way just Rating: 5

[Coelho]

but... are you sure the man really killed himself?

[smoke it]

exactly. he probably didnt because you would have seen in on the news or something

[Xhoshi]

I wouldn't trust the new for it.
suicides go unnoticed often, he could've killed himself at home.
i don't watch the news that much anyways...i read the paper.
his wrist cuts were pretty fuckin serious. Whole arms were covered with them.

[smoke it]

you woundnt have talked the guy out of it anyway. he was obviously a complete and total nut-job. hes probably smokin crack in some alley right now anyway. dont worry about it dude.

[slipknotpsycho]

I wouldn't trust the new for it.
suicides go unnoticed often, he could've killed himself at home.
i don't watch the news that much anyways...i read the paper.
his wrist cuts were pretty fuckin serious. Whole arms were covered with them.

i've had self inflicted wounds as well like that... i even took it steps higher and put cigarettes out on my arms....

point is just because he cuts himself and shit doesn't mean he's gonna have the balls to kill himself.. and yes it takes aLOT of balls to actually follow thorugh with it... you think youw anna die, but when it comes time for the attempt, it starts freaking you out a bit....

i'd quit worrying about it honestly. if he did it, he did it. nothing you or your friend could have done, if he wanted to do it, he would have done it anyways. even if you called the police or nut house.. they can't keep an eye on him 24/7, despite what the nut houses and jails try to tell you... if he wants to die he will end of story.

[urgrass]

damn dude that sucs and i can see what ur freind means but tell him it is not your guys fault

[Stoner Shadow Wolf]

this man knew what he was talking about, though he was probably looking at himself in the wrong light, deluded by fals expectations of god, nay hte expectations of a false god...

if he hasnt killed himself, there may be hope he will see the truth, but if he has killed himself, it is of no consequence to you.

you are not condemned by any more than yourself, if he felt condemned, it was his own doing, no god. he may have been guilt ridden for a terrible deed he had done, or for trespassing the false commandments of god.

[Storm Crow]

Xhoshi, I had a suicidal mother who was bipolar. And, yes, she eventually succeeded. So I know a bit about craziness and suicide. If he was determined to kill himself, then NOTHING would stop him. Nothing you said, or did not say, could change what he MAY have done, or more likely, will eventually do. His arms had "hundreds of deep, self-inflicted slashes"- this guy is trying, and will some day succeed. Jumping in front of the SUV is escalation of his desire to die. I doubt if he will last the year.

I also wonder what he would have done if he got enough money from the guitar to go home? Would it have been one of those "3 day wonder" news stories about the crazy son/father/brother who comes home and slaughters his family?

Dear, the truth is, we can't control the actions of others- we can suggest other ways of seeing things or give our best advice, but ultimately we all have free will. Nor should we blame ourselves for the possible actions of strangers when we briefly interact with them.

Granny's advice is to smoke another one and just let it go. Your friend will eventually come back, but if he still blames himself and/or you, things will never be quite the same. Both of you are innocent in this thing- no matter what the poor crazy dude may do. If you two still feel a bit of guilt, just say a prayer for him now and then, it won't hurt him, poor, lost soul that he is. - Granny:hippy:

[PureEvil760]

can you say, wacked out on pcp?