I know how you feel about drugs easing the pain. I had depression sence I was around 12. Im 21 now. A lota do to the fact I had a rocky adolescence in grade school, kinda messed me up socialy. I know theres no actual pin point problume with me other than I just felt shitty about myself. I went through some really rough times and 'self medicating' really helped me unwind. But I was just getn fucked up to much and outta control so I had to quit. It really made things worse around friends and family. Idk im not half as bad anymore but can still use some unwinding day to day.