I'm in a similar situation bro, but I've been training my brain to control my thoughts. Even though its hard at first its better for my health because I attract good things that I think about. COnstantly thinking about those good things, and trying to draw on times when I was joyous, like when I beat the opposing team to the net and score to tie the game and send it into a shootout or something like that. I celebrate with my hand to get that victory back and that emotion. That tells me, I was here and I made a mark. And wether I die today or years from now, I will have made a mark.. So i'm happy. I now regained the ambition to actually want to leave a larger mark now.

Somedays though I quit. And I start to feel sorrow and feel down on myself. Weed helps but it also is hard to be motivated and social, which is important. Finances and things like that will get you into negative mode and you need to rememeber.. Fuck that shit.. Its only numbers and they can't take your life. Beat the game, Careful with the xanex and prosac, the both fuck with your sexual life which is a fucked up thing. Not being able to get off. Thats an irritant in itself. Get a workout either doing good labor in your yard or go running, smile even when you aren't not happy bro. Smile at yourself in the mirror and make yourself laugh.. And then get stoned one day.. Sit and look up in the sky. Think of a light inside you near your heart/chest area.. Your light feels dim doesn't it?? Well it turns out you can get real bright real fast by looking up and just laughing as hard as you can.. Once you get going you'll forget what you were laughing about and you'll go off. If you really try it. You'll know. Because the body will feel so much different after its done laughing like that. You're days ahead will magically seem to be attracting pleasant things, and make you want to go expose yourself to more possibilities. The day will come where you can't wait to jump outta bed. You set your alarm clock for 15 minutes before you have to wake up and you are hitting the email or office errands earlier since you gained 15 minutes in your day.. Thats an hour and 15 minutes a week. And in spurts those 15 minute workouts or grow-room sessions or mental coaching (btw mental coaching is best right when you wake up.) It sounds like you don't want anything at the moment. You gotta remember what you wanted bro.. And keep thinking about it. And go get it. Fuck everything else that brings you down, its a given, its easy to lay down and submit and just close your eyes to the world and fuck it for being so.. the way it is. and fuck the anxious feelings we have, which is why I support Cannabis in the first place. I need to be calmed down (nerves) I shake constantly and I'm slightly paranoid and ocd. Insomnia, panic attacks,, yea all that. Cannabis saves my life.. I would be beating up on myself all day long, complaining about nothing and just promoting myself into nagativity, and what I Need to be doing is smoke, forget that shit, and work on things everyday a little bit at a time, to get better at the talents I have and the relationships that I'm building. Your leaves are wilting and needs some water and fresh air.. Smile take a deep breath and try to get yourself into keeping busy brother.. Let me know how your doing.. Good luck...

Try Valerian at night to get ready for sleep
and St. Johns Wart to help promote good moods.

Thats all I've been on, and I've been ok lately.
Trying to find a job atm so thats kinda stressful.
Confident though since I have my plan.
I can't fall if I follow my plan.