Waiting for death.

Hi,

What do you do, when you know someone that you love and care about is dying? When you know that they are not going to get better, and all you can do is wait for the phone to ring and the person on the other end is telling you that the person died.


I am having a hard time dealing with the knowledge that my dad is dying and that there is nothing that I can do. I am hundreds of miles away and I can't miss any more work to be with him, I can miss work just cant afford it.

Just was wondering if anyone here has experienced anything like this, and what helped you?

I'm so sorry to hear that. My mom died when I was very young, so we're kind of in different situations. Whats wrong with him?

You should try talking it out to people. I can't even imagine what you're going through. I've had people other than my mom die since I've been older, but no one as close to me as my dad. It really makes you realize what you had, and what you take for granted.

Money shouldn't be an issue in this situation. You should go see him.

:twocents:

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Originally Posted by make it legal

I'm so sorry to hear that. My mom died when I was very young, so we're kind of in different situations. Whats wrong with him?

You should try talking it out to people. I can't even imagine what you're going through. I've had people other than my mom die since I've been older, but no one as close to me as my dad. It really makes you realize what you had, and what you take for granted.

Money shouldn't be an issue in this situation. You should go see him.

:twocents:

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My dad has CPD/COPD his lungs are black, his heart is weak. He can no longer walk because he has no energy.

I talked about it with my boyfriend, but that didn't seem to help. I am the type of person who will just push it back and forget about it. This time however I can't. I know that he is dying, and I hate that feeling.

Yeah you should really go see him. Borrow money from someone if you need to. This part is probably worse than the death itself because at least if he dies you won't have to be constantly wondering and worrying.

Im so sorry to hear that EE2000, it's so hard to watch a loved one slip away. I lost my nan to cancer a few years ago, watching her go like that fucking killed me. The only thing that helped me was being with my family and girlfriend sharing the highs and lows. If you can try to go and see him, you may regret it later in life and you don't want that hanging over you.

My thoughts are with you and yours,

Peace

Buddy

Yeah I will probably go down there next weekend, at least the ticket want cost me 600 bucks.

I figured that he has lived this long, he may surprise and live another year. But I cant continue to get calls from my brother telling me dad is back in the hospital again. So I will go look into airline prices. I don't think I can travel 10 hours in my car.

Well that's good to hear.

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Originally Posted by EE2000

Yeah I will probably go down there next weekend, at least the ticket want cost me 600 bucks.

I figured that he has lived this long, he may surprise and live another year. But I cant continue to get calls from my brother telling me dad is back in the hospital again. So I will go look into airline prices. I don't think I can travel 10 hours in my car.

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you said you couldnt afford going there and you take the plane instead of your car :wtf:

Anyways, I feel your pain as for your father. My dad has leukemia himself and now hes getting bad off, it cost tousands and thousands only for medication, you know, experimental crazy medications and all (lucky we're in canada)...I dont know how long he'll still be fine, since hes had cancer for like 20 years now..

Knowing that somebody you love will die soon is probably one of the worst feeling ive ever experienced, my neighbor (who was just like my grandma)

I sencerely hope he'll be fine :(

It would be easier for me to fly then drive, and with gas prices it would probably even out. A few weeks ago it was only about $324.00 and that is duable, the $500 for a ticket however is not. Since I am not salaried at work, I don't get paid for the time I miss. And they know the situation, so if I have to go its ok with them. Forgot to mention that my is a freaking 8 cylinder ( sorry spelling ) gas guzzling thing, but I love it.


The best I can hope for is for him to go in his sleep, and that he is in no pain.

soo sorry to hear that! i think you should visit him too. hang in there man

as far as talking to someone goes maybe you should talk to other family members. They're going through the same thing you. There isnt really anything that anyone can say to make you feel better right now, but you talking to other people and getting your emotions out can help. This is not the time to bottle that stuff up. Good luck.

EE2000 this is a very hard thing you are going through, and many people who have gone through similar experiences have found writing helpful- you could write a letter to him, and either mail it or not. Make the most of the time you have left, whether in person, email, or letters, and understand that there is only so much that you can do. Take care-

im very sorry to read this... my mom will have a surgery tomorrow, and im worried, cause i had some bad feelings towards it, so i think i know how you feel...
anyway, try to be with him as soon you can. even if you have to spend money. remember, no money in this world can bring him back if he dies, so, stay with him regardless money, and im sure later you will be glad for doing this.
my best wishes for you and him. :)

PS. Traveling by car is somewhat tiresome, but not impossible. My family used to come here where my grandparents (and now me too) live, and was 14-15 hours of drive. Hard, but definitively not impossible. Good luck! :thumbsup:

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Originally Posted by Coelho

im very sorry to read this... my mom will have a surgery tomorrow, and im worried, cause i had some bad feelings towards it, so i think i know how you feel...
anyway, try to be with him as soon you can. even if you have to spend money. remember, no money in this world can bring him back if he dies, so, stay with him regardless money, and im sure later you will be glad for doing this.
my best wishes for you and him. :)

PS. Traveling by car is somewhat tiresome, but not impossible. My family used to come here where my grandparents (and now me too) live, and was 14-15 hours of drive. Hard, but definitively not impossible. Good luck! :thumbsup:

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I hope that your mom makes it through ok.

Yes traveling by car is tiresome, but I really would not like it if I had to drive there alone. My SO is already in GA ( same state my dad lives in ) because of his job but that is 5 hours away from my dad and its about 10 or so hours from me since im in Northern Virginia.

But as it is now, my dad seems to be a bit better last night, so hopefully they will be able to get him moving to help walk on his on again, but I don't know.

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Originally Posted by EE2000

Hi,

What do you do, when you know someone that you love and care about is dying? When you know that they are not going to get better, and all you can do is wait for the phone to ring and the person on the other end is telling you that the person died.


I am having a hard time dealing with the knowledge that my dad is dying and that there is nothing that I can do. I am hundreds of miles away and I can't miss any more work to be with him, I can miss work just cant afford it.

Just was wondering if anyone here has experienced anything like this, and what helped you?

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Well first of all I'm very sorry to hear that.

One day when I was 11, my dad and I were driving around and he parked on the side of the road and gave me his phone and told me to call for help, and collapsed on the steering wheel. I was freaking out but I called 911 anyway. My dad was taken to the hospital and had a blood transfusion. That day we learned that he had some kind of uncurable Anemia..

Anyway, about a week later he died. And just like you, I was waiting for that phone call...


At the time, it was impossible for me to realize that he would not come back, I wouldn't believe it. I guess that's what we call Denial. Anyway, after hours and hours of crying after that phone call...I realized that there was nothing I could do about it. So I accepted it.
My dad always told me he'd be with me, physically or through energy after he'd pass away. I have always used his energy to help me overcoming certain situations...When I fear something or someone and can't get myself to do it, I think of my dad, and I ask him to help me. It gives me an unbelievable jolt of strength and courage everytime.

Always remember that even if he's gone, his love will always and forever be with you.


Much courage to you my friend! And if there's anything I learned in my lifetime too, it's that miracles DO happen! So stay strong!


On another note, one thing that helped me when he died was starting to smoke weed. heheh :thumbsup:

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Originally Posted by CanaDanKs Inc.

Well first of all I'm very sorry to hear that.

One day when I was 11, my dad and I were driving around and he parked on the side of the road and gave me his phone and told me to call for help, and collapsed on the steering wheel. I was freaking out but I called 911 anyway. My dad was taken to the hospital and had a blood transfusion. That day we learned that he had some kind of uncurable Anemia..

Anyway, about a week later he died. And just like you, I was waiting for that phone call...


At the time, it was impossible for me to realize that he would not come back, I wouldn't believe it. I guess that's what we call Denial. Anyway, after hours and hours of crying after that phone call...I realized that there was nothing I could do about it. So I accepted it.
My dad always told me he'd be with me, physically or through energy after he'd pass away. I have always used his energy to help me overcoming certain situations...When I fear something or someone and can't get myself to do it, I think of my dad, and I ask him to help me. It gives me an unbelievable jolt of strength and courage everytime.

Always remember that even if he's gone, his love will always and forever be with you.


Much courage to you my friend! And if there's anything I learned in my lifetime too, it's that miracles DO happen! So stay strong!


On another note, one thing that helped me when he died was starting to smoke weed. heheh :thumbsup:

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That was very sweet, thankyou for sharing it with me. I am sorry that you lost your dad when you were younger, atleast you were comforted by his words.

Peace:rasta:

If you want to feel better about this whole situation, try making your dad feel better during his last days of life. The knowledge that you brought joy to his final days will give you a snese of peace about his dying.

Call your dad, every day, tell him that you love him, tell him that he was the greatest dad in the world. Remind him of things the two of you did together when you were younger, the fishing trip, Disneyland, whatever. Recount your experiences step by step. But call him every day; it will mean a lot to him.

Look, life is a terminal condition. No one gets out alive. Your dad knows he is dying. The nicest thing you could do for him right now is to make him feel that he was a success at the most important job of his life - being a father.

By all means, visit him as soon you can. You'll be kicking yourself in the ass for a long time if you don't