my current situation

i moved in with my girlfriend in december of last year. man i don't even know where to start. i love her and her two kids more than anything in the entire world...she is still legally married to an asshole of a person who left her and her two kids after she kicked him out after he beat the shit out of her and hit her oldest kid, who's only fucking 5 years old. he is in arizona now, and after he left i moved in with her. he still pays the rent. except for this month. we got an eviction notice today, and me, i don't even have any money to pay it, i have no job even though i have been looking for months. i dropped out of high school a few months ago, so that's hard. no one views the relationship i have with her a good thing, seeing as though i am only 18 and she just turned 25. i guess that maybe that the whole age difference thing isn't great, but i really fucking love her and her kids. that's a different story. i need advice. when my girlfriend called the apartment office to talk to them about the eviction, they told her that they had just gotten a check for rent today. the thing is, if she were to get evicted, i would have to move back in with my parents, right? and she would move back in with hers. her parents are moving to florida too. were are in ohio. if he hadn't payed the rent she would have moved to florida and her stupid parents wouldn't let me go to. i bet no one loves ANYONE like i love her and her two kids....i don't know what i would fucking do if i couldn't see her....

we can't keep depending on her husband that's in arizona to pay the rent, yet she is the only one working, she can't do it by herself.

don't call me lazy because i don't have a job.

i've been looking nonstop for i don't know how long, and that's just today.

i'm so scared that he won't pay rent for this month...


i don't want to lose her...

i really don't want to lose her...

well that's about it.

thanks for listening.

please, if you're going to be rude, don't post.

i just needed to get that out...

ima go smoke.

please. any advice at all........

even if its physical labor, gotta find some kind of job....being with a mature woman with children means great responsibility.

oh yeah---she might be pregnant, too....

(Not trying to be mean) But if you have no money, and no job, how do you afford Marijuana? (One of the more expensive hobbies around)

i don't buy it.

my friend lets me toke up for free.

that would be retarded if i was using money for pot rather than other important responsibilities.

Put out the joint, go back to your parents', get a GED, find a job, get an apartment and forget the girl.

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Originally Posted by Breukelen advocaat

Put out the joint, go back to your parents', get a GED, find a job, get an apartment and forget the girl.

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If he really loves her he would/could NEVER do that... at least not the (forget the girl) part

you're fucking cold.
i understand what is important. i know i've fucked up.

but i really fucking love her.

thank you Jaerl.

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Originally Posted by mirvana

you're fucking cold.
i understand what is important. i know i've fucked up.

but i really fucking love her.

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Another one will come along. You're not thinking correctly. You're setting yourself up for big time problems if you stay with her. Believe me, move out now before you're in hot water. I don't know you, but I'm telling you advice that I would give a friend.

This whole thing only means one thing for you: TROUBLE.

np, but sumthing that might help... Still be with her, go back to living with your parents (So they can provide for you) and find a job ASAP, doing anything possible (maybe give plasma or seman?). As you get a job you give her all u got to help her, once stuff starts lvling out go back living with her. Because (no offence of course) You living with her is just using up her money to feed you and such right?

Just one quick solution.

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Originally Posted by Billionfold

I'm still waiting for the punch line.
Is this it?

All jokes aside, that's a messed up situation man. You can't just try to get a job, you have to get a job. It's either that or you get separated. A man has to do what a man has to do. You'll do it if she is "the one".

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He didn't say whether he might be responsible for the (possible) pregnancy.

This kid has to get out of there, fast. The woman is still married to a violent individual that is paying the rent for her and their children, and the reaction of the husband is not going to be pretty if he shows up unannounced. If sheâ??s pregnant by the kid, I wouldnâ??t even want to imagine what could happen. The husband lives in Arizona - where getting guns is easy.

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Originally Posted by Billionfold

You make a good point, but if the man is in love then what can we say to stop him?

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He asked for advice?

The girl's husband lives in Arizona - where getting guns is easy.

I've survived enough crazy situations to last ten lifetimes. Sex is not worth getting killed for. Even if that wasn't a risk, and it may not be, this relationship is doomed.

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Originally Posted by Billionfold

I didn't say your advice wasn't wise, I'm saying that if he truly loves this woman then there isn't much anyone can say to make him leave her.

Love will make people do things that would make others gasp or guffaw. I think he is looking for advice that would help him stay with her.

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Better that someone older shoots it straight to him here, and wises him up, than his having to deal with the possible alternatives that I mentioned.

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Originally Posted by Breukelen advocaat

Better that someone older shoots it straight to him here, and wises him up, than his having to deal with the possible alternatives that I mentioned.

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You are right. No doubt about it.

But the kid is in love and nothing we say will change that.

I feel for him.

mirvana: Good luck. You are going to need it.

mirvana, i have no advise but just want to wish you the best of luck buddy and hope everything works out good for you:jointsmile:

don't take this the wrong way but you have to realize that this "love" you have for her is temporary, maybe you're at the climax now where its hardest to get your bearings. its like being lost at sea with all the pot in the world. you would kill to be where you are but sooner or later you're gonna get the munchies for something else. when that happens you'll be much more eager to find solid ground.

if you're 18 then you probably haven't had very many serious relationships and while you think you can be as mature as you need to be to support her you will get worn out and feel cheated somewhere down the line.

look for something more promising. when you're 'in love' like that, consider yourself as blind as a tree, and you'll probably react as fast too.:D


sorry to be a downer. get your life together and things will be mucho better.

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Originally Posted by Breukelen advocaat

Put out the joint, go back to your parents', get a GED, find a job, get an apartment and forget the girl.

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That may sound mean, but I agree with it 100%. Your only 18, I understand you love her, but sometimes that isn't enough. If you haven't even gotten your GED, you won't be able to many jobs. Most likely you will be washing dishes, waiting tables, fast food, store clerk, or some other crappy and poorly paid job.

Her kids aren't your reponsibilty and you are to young to be involved with a women who is still technically married to another man. Leave that to the men in there 30's. Not to mention he is paying for you to live with his wife! It sounds like a situation that can blow up at any minute.

My best advice is to heed Breuk, move in with your parents, get your GED, find a job, and than maybe meet with her for coffee if you so choose. I'm not saying it is an easy thing to do, but it sounds like the smartest...

Unfortunately if she is pregnant with your kid, you are in a different situation than the one above.

Sorry but,,, you just sound like you moved in on someones turf...

omfg i am dead serious this is the exact situation my uncles in to the T.. honestly it's like u are wrighting a book on him instead of the places where u said florida and ohio.. it's florida and newfoundland and she is 25 and he is 18 and she has 2 kids and a house that she might get evicted from because she cant pay the rent... oh my god lol.. theres only 2 words in your whole story that is differnt from my uncles situation.. (ohio and the other husband) even more ironic she did just get devorced from her husband b4 my uncle mooved in..

this is crazy lol.. he is dealing with it pretty bad to as he is trying to quit doing drugs.. and the kids she has are 2 daughters age 5 and 7 no joke, just tell me do your name start with a d ? lmao

this is incrediably insane.. it's like u r trying to wright a book :O

Get a job in construction, it will make you into a real man. It will also teach you the real value of a dollar, especially when that dollars comes directly out of YOU and your body.

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Originally Posted by mirvana

oh yeah---she might be pregnant, too....

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omg again just read this she WAS pregnant but they got an abortion and now there might be another 1.

no my name does not start with a "d".


i completely understand what is best for me.

i know i should worry about myself.

i know that this situation could "blow up at any minute"

i don't care if he shows up.

let him.

he's fucking retarded. i'd kick his ass anyways.

but she is the one.

there has to be a way. i'm doing everything i can to find a job. i didn't even go to sleep last night. as soon as i get a shitty job i'm going to save up for my GED. then possibly college or a trade school.

i may be only 18, but i fucking know. i know for a fucking fact she is the one.

if you know "she is the one" then why are you here?

Get a job.
deal with it.
end.

You are a kid whose taking on a mans job. Its not smart for you or for her.

You obviously did not meet her between her husband hitting her and moving out.

Unless it was love at first sight , your just setting yourself to fail at life.

She has 2(3) children , your a highschool dropout your combined income is tiny(if you cant pay the rent).

What type of relationship can you have while struggling to feed yourselves.

To be totally honest , I think theirs more to the story. Usually domestic abusers dont leave town and STILL pay for their wives housing it just doesn't make sense.

Anyways , I have friends and relatives who have made mistakes similar to yours , dont do it for marijuana sake.

just got a call from delphi.

got a job in a factory, 9-5.

$12.55/hr.

not frickin bad. benefits, too...

things just might work out.

oh. and there isn't more to the story.

he's just a retard....the guy in arizona, i mean.

yes. definitely love at first sight.

and babyfacedabortion: fergie is fucking gangster.

Worrrrking 9-5 dodododo. My mom sings that song.

for this 25 yr old woman.Because if it isn't and you commit with undying affection , you're in for a world of hurt.Not trying to buzzkill ,but if your a stop gap in this soap opera you have to have your head on straight and see what the future has in store for you and the new "ready made family".
Yes it's cool that you've secured employment but there are many other issues ahead.Parenting 3 kids that aren't yours are my main concern .This kind of scenario is very sketchy to say the least.The ex will not like another man fathering his kids and might fuckin lose it any time.:chainsaw: You may waste your youth screwin around with this mess,instead of enjoying the last yrs. of blissful life of being a kid before you have to actually grow up.Imho,Peace and good luck man(you're gonna need it) :thumbsup:

Crap man. I hope it all works out for the best but it sounds pretty shitty.
You're 18?
It sounds like you're giving up a significant portion of your life to go work at a factory. That sucks.
You'll be 50 and still broke before you know it. I hope I'm wrong and wish you guys the best of luck :)

Well if you're not getting a job, at least go back to school.

Things don't magically get better in the future hombre. They stay the same, or without preventive maintaince(which you don't seem to be doing, seeing as you are jobless, without formal education, broke, and toke) get worse.

Don't let things get worse man.

if the husband is still paying the rent my guess is that he's planning on coming back, even if she doesnt want him to. I hope you're ready for an angry and abusive husband to come and try to kill you. You're situation doesnt sound like theres a lot of hope right now, even if right now you feel like she's "the one". How long have the two of you been together?

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Originally Posted by napolitana869

if the husband is still paying the rent my guess is that he's planning on coming back, even if she doesnt want him to. I hope you're ready for an angry and abusive husband to come and try to kill you. You're situation doesnt sound like theres a lot of hope right now, even if right now you feel like she's "the one". How long have the two of you been together?

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If the husband, or one of his friends, reads this board, he may be on his way there right now. There is certainly enough info here to remove any doubt as to his wife's identity, that she has a young lover, and what they've been up to - with his financial support. Who could blame him?

I see it like Crack, yeah, it might be fun but its hella bad for you. And it will bring you down in the end.

Here's one thing that always stuck in my head. Your only 18 and now are making $12, maybe, if you are a hard worker (sounds like not, no job no school) then you can make 15 in that factory. You need to focus on yourself. You need to make your future brighter or at least hopeful before you should even try and do the irresponsible thing and bring that girl and kids down with you. With no foundation, how can you hope to support 3, maybe 4. Also, what kind of decisions is she making, harboring a 18 y/o with no job and lalala.

Sounds like there are some psych issues going on with her, and maybe you.

Is this your first taste of some pussy or what. Sounds like your pussy whipped?

Ok, you are not in a good situation. The ex is using the rent money to keep his hold on her. You're 18, she's 25. First off that is close to the age difference between my husband and I (he's 65, I'm 59). Our culture expects that, in a marriage, the male should be older than the female- and you never see anyone gripe about that, do you! A man can be marrying a gal young enough to be his daughter (or granddaughter in some cases) as a "trophy wife" and all you get is "more power to him!". (Check your own bias in this matter- what is your reaction to, say, a woman in her 50s marrying a man in his 20s? I bet 9 out of 10 of you would go "What does he see in her?" or even "Eeewww, gross!" Reverse the genders and the reaction is usually quite different. Be honest!)

Age should not be such a factor when it comes to matters of the heart. You're 18 and a drop-out - that worries me more than the age thing. I'm glad you plan to get a GED. My son, who is 32 and a computer genius, has a GED and works for the county schools. (You can get a pretty fair job with just a GED, it's just harder.)

My basic advice is get a job- any job (they always need dishwashers and fast food servers), both of you move to a cheaper place (even if it is more crowded) and stop taking the A-hole's money. As long as she takes it, he has a hold on her and he may be in financial trouble (or he may be "playing games" to mess with her head), so he is no longer a reliable source of income. Life is not going to be easy, but love can smooth things a lot. If you are really committed to this woman, you can do it. Give the kids a hug from me and good luck!- Granny:hippy: