Problem. Mostly looking for Ladies opinions.

Okay, this doesn't really have anything to do with sexuality really other then it's my girlfriend who I'm having a problem with. But alot of mature people come in this section so I figured it was the best place. this might be kinda long but I need help. The problem:

Me and my girlfriend have been dating for just over 2 years. We've talked about love, we've even talked about marriage. But theres one thing she won't tell me and that's why she is anti-Pot. I know there is a good reason for it because she gets very upset when I try to talk about it. She's only ever told me it was "family stuff" both of her parents smoke weed but they've always provided for her and stuff and she's talked about her mom being high much more then her dad, which is why I'm thinking it might have something to do with her dad probably while he was high or something. But she won't tell me why and said I may never know. Which is another sign that it's serious. But it kills me that she won't tell me and it's also hard to know someone I care so much about has something haunting her from her past, (she said it was before me), so badly that she won't tell anyone. I want her to tell me but I don't want to keep brining it up. But how can you keep something like that from the person you call the one? Aren't you supposed to be able to tell them anything? This is killing me.

What should I do?

well if it's like that, it could be a traumatization type thing, or else this will be one of the things she just feels touchy about, either way you'll have to deal with it. Maybe just waiting alone will solve the problem, maybe eventually you could talk to her into seeing and speaking with someone else who could help her problem, either way, don't be consumed by it, after all you are young and have much more time to grow together (hehe, 'grow') or even though it may sound negetive, alone for that matter.

ie, let her decide for herself when the time comes!

Thanks for your input. Yeah I'm sacred it's a traumatization type thing that's why I don't want to push it. But she should still be able to tell me even if it is. I told her I'd never speak of it again. I just want to know and I think she'd feel better after telling me.

Time my friend, go loosen yourself up with some smokage of your own man, you sound like you could use it if ya aren't already good to go.

I'm dry :( That's whats making this worse, I can't even calm down. I don't drink and I don't smoke cigarettes.

If its something really painful it may be best not to push the topic, even if she never tells you. I agree that people who love each other should feel like they can talk about anything with their partner, but some things really could just hurt too much. Just try and give it time.

don't push it. if she wants to tell you, she will. if she doesn't want to, it's probably for a good reason. forcing the issue would be a bad thing, so my advice is to simply keep a low profile; don't hide yourself and don't lie about it, but don't throw it in her face either. does she have a prob with YOU and weed? or is it a generalization?

I think Napolitana nailed it, as usual. Don't push, as much as you'd like to know. One of these days, when the time's right and she's feeling completely safe, she may share the full story with you. You can foster an environment in which she'll be more likely to feel safe, but she'll have to decide when--and whether--the time's right to share her story. Just love her, continue to be accepting and non-critical, and don't push on this or other topics.

Time, familiarity, and an accepting, loving, non-judgemental environment will be what are most likely to help her open up, assuming she can. Try not to look at it as if she's actively holding something back from you, either. It's far more likely that what she's actually doing is holding it back from herself and avoiding letting those painful feelings come to the surface. You just happen to be in the way.

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Originally Posted by birdgirl73

I think Napolitana nailed it, as usual. Don't push, as much as you'd like to know. One of these days, when the time's right and she's feeling completely safe, she may share the full story with you. You can foster an environment in which she'll be more likely to feel safe, but she'll have to decide when--and whether--the time's right to share her story. Just love her, continue to be accepting and non-critical, and don't push on this or other topics.

Time, familiarity, and an accepting, loving, non-judgemental environment will be what are most likely to help her open up, assuming she can. Try not to look at it as if she's actively holding something back from you, either. It's far more likely that what she's actually doing is holding it back from herself and avoiding letting those painful feelings come to the surface. You just happen to be in the way.

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>.< oooo, The guy never gets credit for good advice!

Thank you all, and yes I understand what you are saying. It probably is something painful and I can tell she doesn't want to bring it up. But I'm here for her. I want to share her pain. I'd take it all if I could.

And Scarlet Sky, it's a problem with both, me and weed and in general. Hell if she had the strength to tell me I'd never smoke again but this is stressing me out and making it more difficult. She doesn't know how badly this bothers me. It feels like she doesn't trust me and after our conversation last night I told her it's like I don't even know her at all, even tho theres been like nothing else we haven't talked about and she had to go and be an ass and say "Well maybe you don't." Normally something like this doesn't bother me but this is REALLY bothering me but she went to bed last night before the issue was resolved and I hate to bring it up again but it's going to drive me crazy if I don't.

i would suggest an appology. the not knowing her statement was a harsh and painful one. be gentle, and sincere. tell her that you love her and that you want to make her happy; then she may be more apt to talk...

Your suggestion makes sense for a normal girlfriend. But my special lady will say if you want me to be happy then leave it alone. She looks for every turn around point to try and get an issue she doesn't want to talk about dropped. But how can I let her carry this on her own?

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Originally Posted by 1chronic

Your suggestion makes sense for a normal girlfriend. But my special lady will say if you want me to be happy then leave it alone. She looks for every turn around point to try and get an issue she doesn't want to talk about dropped. But how can I let her carry this on her own?

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I have my own painful childhood issues.... and it took a LONG time for me to open up about it (even now, there are only a small handful of people that know). Point is this: As badly as you want to help her, you simply can't even she isn't ready. This is her issue, and wanting to share it with her is extremely kind, but it's her decision that you need to respect and try not to take it personally.

If you see that her life is suffering in anyway because she won't open up, perhaps she would consider talking to a therapist in private... someone who doesn't know her.... that will be confidential..... and she can start to gain strength that way?

I'm sorry that she is going through this.... whatever happened has left her feeling embarrassed/angry/scared/ashamed...... or something... so she needs to first take the blame off of herself whatever the case was.

I wish you both well...... good luck. :)

Thanks. I don't think she blames herself, I think she just wants the hurt to go away on it's own and it won't. But it's still a tough decision.

i wouldnt push her to tell u anything, but what ever she thinks about pot isnt the problem, its most likely her way of putting a hate on the situation, talk to her tell her its not the weed thats the probelm its the person using it.

Chronic.....I think you need to learn to listen. And once you actually hear her NO (again!).....respect it. Not to sound too harsh, but I honestly don't see you doing either one.