Conversation with my nearly 21-year-old

These aren’t as cute or charming as Mrs. G's daughter's tidbits, but these are what you all with small, cute ones can look forward to. This is from this morning’s phone conversation with son, calling from North Carolina, where he’s in his junior year of college:

Our son: “So Mom, is Dad there and about to get on the line?”

Me: “No, honey. Dad’s on his way back from rounds at the hospital. He ought to be back here any minute. Wanna call us back so you can talk to us both?”

Son: “NO! I just wanted to ask you this. Mom, I love you. You think you could see your way to adding an extra $300 into my account for this next week? I’m going to need some more money for the trip to Florida, and if I don’t get some extra, I’m going to be out of money by the time I get back.” (He’s going on a spring break trip with his buddies next week, which has already been partly financed by us.)

Me: “You know I love you, too. But honey, we already chipped in all the extra money we’re going to on that, and you just got your first-of-the-month deposit two days ago. The plan was that you’d take your share of the trip money out of your savings. What seems to be the problem?”

Son: “I just know it’s going to be more expensive than we planned on, and you know I need to eat a lot on vacation.” He knows that I’m more likely to fall for the send-more-cash approach if he can conjure up an image in my mind of him hungry and pitiful. The more accurate translation of his request for additional money is “It’s going to be more expensive than I planned on to drink heavily, eat at the good restaurants like the rich kids, and seduce women at a fever pitch for four straight days.”

Me: “Well, honey, I think you’re just going to have to adjust your plans, then. Maybe stay three or four to a room instead of two. And plan to go very easy on the partying and eating out.” About this time, I hear Dave coming in from the garage. I motion to him to pick up the other line and listen in. He picks up just in time to hear this line:

Son: Changes to bullying tone. “Damn, Mama. C’mon! Don’t be a tight ass. I’m going to need that cash.”

Dave: Uses his booming, stern-dad voice. “You don’t need a trip to Florida, young man, so you can either make your peace with what you’ve received or stay home. Or you can come home to Texas instead and I can sell your car and put you to work in my office for the week so you’ll have the extra cash on hand next time you want to budget for a trip.”

A lengthy, sullen pause ensues . . . . then a very heavy sigh.

Son: In defeated, exasperated tone. “Awight, then. Be tightwads about it. I’ll probably starve. And if any of us get sick or hurt, we’re going to be up shit creek.”

Dave: “That’s a fact. You will be up shit creek if that happens. Better see that it doesn’t.”

Me: “Call us from the road and check in, OK? We’ll keep an eye on your bank account to help see that your money lasts you for the week. What are the ground rules?” We can see his debit card activity on his bank account from here on the computer and so can see how and where the money goes out. He doesn’t always remember that we can, but we can.

Son: More heavy sighing. “I know what the ground rules are. I’m not stupid, you know.”

Dave: “Yeah, well, neither are we. You’ll need to make your trip money last you through the week and the rest of your money last you through the month. If we need to sell that car and get you a bus pass instead, we certainly can.”

Son: “No one’s selling my car.” One more loud sigh. “Dad, can you hang up so I can talk to Mom alone?”

Dave: “No, son, Mom’s got to head out to meet your granddad. Nice try. We’ll both say goodbye now. Be careful. Call us from the road. We love you.” (I say the same thing along with him.)

That was it. Not as much of a challenge as those conversations were his first year away, when making money last was a completely new concept to him. Now he knows how to do it and just doesn’t want to. Still, I’m going to be screening my calls for the rest of the week. When yours get into college, hold onto your wallets!

LMFAO!!! i love how he was tryin to play you and got shot down by daddy-bird LOL

ah birggirl, hes 21!! Hook him up with an extra $300. Hes going to have the time of his life and remember that trip forever! :D Thats pretty funny though. Sadly, that shit doesnt work with my parents either :P

lol, oh birdgirl, you are just too much sometimes... and i was starting to think you didn't have sneakiness gene :D

yeah if you have $300 to spare then you should give him it because he's probally going to have an awesome time, if not though just tell him honestly you can't afford to just shell out $300. This is from a teens perspective :jointsmile:

I like this

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seduce women at a fever pitch for four straight days

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haha y'all sound like my parents (not a bad thing) i am 19 but i am only in my second semester at arkansas and my parents live in texas... and you shouldn't give him the 300 he needs to work for it not beg for it... i figured i would add my 2 cents since they said you should give it to him...

Damn 21??? be my Mom and I'll settle for a 100$...

Y'all are funny. Well, it'd be fairly easy to give him the extra cash, but the truth is he's right smack in the middle of learning how to budget for himself, and he has $742.28 in his savings account and can dip into that if he wants to blow it on wine, women and song during his spring break trip.

The fact is he really wants to blow our money during spring break and save his own so-called "real" money for some special kind of Apple laptop that seems to have inspired in him some encouraging signs of kid-scale financial planning. We're trying to help him learn that folks have to set priorities with money. More than anything, we're trying to teach the most important lesson I think he can learn, which is that stuff isn't just handed to adults on a platter. They have to work for it, plan for it, and even then don't always get what they want. This is a lesson that far too many of his spoiled rotten college chums and former fancy high school colleagues have never learned. From the looks of things, many of our friends and parental acquaintances have not said "No" nearly enough. The sense of entitlement some of his pals have is really quite remarkable (and disturbing).

i wish i had a mother remotely as cool as you.


my moms a fucking bitch.


she wouldnt even let me stay the night anywhere till i was like 15.

what a whore.


and my mom wouldnt give me money even if I *DID* need it (let alone for a vacation) at college.

Amun, think maybe some of why things are not cool between you and your mom is because you say things like you did above? Moms have to set limits and control things, and yes, it makes kids angry when that happens. But frankly they do a lot for you guys and deserve a heck of a lot more respect than to be called an "f-ing b----" or a "whore," particularly not on a public Web forum.

My parents don't just hand out cash either. I've had to budget my money since I was little. They even had me write everything in a little book to keep track of how much money I had. I'm glad they taught me young because some of my friends now have no idea how to keep track of their spending or how to budget their money. Now if they would just teach me about credit cards I'd be set.

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Originally Posted by Amun

my moms a fucking bitch.
she wouldnt even let me stay the night anywhere till i was like 15.
what a whore.
and my mom wouldnt give me money even if I *DID* need it (let alone for a vacation) at college.

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YOU, my friend, sound like a whining little bitch.

oooh, i cant spend the night Whhahaaa:sadcrying

And Birdgirl, I take it he is on track with courses and doing well and this is why you are helping him out already with vac. Is he schooling alot with little time for work?. If so, maybe he needs that money because he "can't" earn for himself due to studies?

Right now I'm taking 20 units and i have little to no time for work. I luckly have $ saved as I am a "Back-to-schooler" at 28. But i know being locked up studying and no money can stress someone out.

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Originally Posted by birdgirl73

Amun, think maybe some of why things are not cool between you and your mom is because you say things like you did above? Moms have to set limits and control things, and yes, it makes kids angry when that happens. But frankly they do a lot for you guys and deserve a heck of a lot more respect than to be called an "f-ing b----" or a "whore," particularly not on a public Web forum.

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LOL my mom doesn't deserve that respect.... she deserves to be called that shit to her face....

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Originally Posted by dusto2k3

YOU, my friend, sound like a whining little bitch.

oooh, i cant spend the night Whhahaaa:sadcrying

And Birdgirl, I take it he is on track with courses and doing well and this is why you are helping him out already with vac. Is he schooling alot with little time for work?. If so, maybe he needs that money because he "can't" earn for himself due to studies?

Right now I'm taking 20 units and i have little to no time for work. I luckly have $ saved as I am a "Back-to-schooler" at 28. But i know being locked up studying and no money can stress someone out.

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i think that's a bit harsh and uncalled for....

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Originally Posted by dusto2k3

And Birdgirl, I take it he is on track with courses and doing well and this is why you are helping him out already with vac. Is he schooling alot with little time for work?. If so, maybe he needs that money because he "can't" earn for himself due to studies?

Right now I'm taking 20 units and i have little to no time for work. I luckly have $ saved as I am a "Back-to-schooler" at 28. But i know being locked up studying and no money can stress someone out.

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Yes, Dusto, in answer to your questions, we helped finance his spring break because he's working hard in school, carrying a heavy course load, and bringing home good grades. He's holding up his end of the deal very well. And no, he doesn't work during the school term. His job is to keep those grades up and get that degree (but also to have some fun). He had enough financing from us to get him to Florida and back, take care of his share of the room, and buy food and maybe a few non-necessities, but we deliberately didn't give him much extra because that tends to finance binge-drinking among his crowd. He seems to have managed fine without dipping into his "alternative laptop" fund, and all indications are that he has so far survived the experience with his liver intact. The jury's still out on that, though. They'll get back to their college town tomorrow evening. I'll uncross my fingers when that has happened.

My parents have been paying my MORTGAGE (not rent) the last couple of months... it's so humiliating to be an "adult" and call home... now, that's not a trip to Florida, but still. It's hard from BOTH ends, Birdgirl.