funnies for adults

this made me luagh .



A man and his wife go to their honeymoon hotel for their 25th anniversary. As the couple reflected on that magical evening 25 years ago, the wife asked the husband, "When you first saw my naked body in front of you, what was going through your mind?"

The husband replied, "All I wanted to do was to fuck your brains out, and suck your tits dry."

Then, as the wife undressed, she asked, "What are you thinking now?"

He replied, "It looks as if I did a pretty good job."



yaw got any good ones or found any on line?

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by NowhereMan

Then, as the wife undressed, she asked, "What are you thinking now?"

He replied, "It looks as if I did a pretty good job."

---

hahahahahahahaha that was rude z :D

what does a blonde and a screen door have in common?














the more you slam em the looser they get !

A couple of newlyweds, middle agers and retired folks go to this local church to join. They go into the paster's office and ask him what it is they have to do to become members of the church. The paster replies that all they must do is refrain from having sex for [B]3 months. .....3 months passes.... the retired couple goes back first. The paster says, "How did you guys do?" They say, "3 months? No problem!" and they were welcomed in the church. Next, the middle aged couple goes in. The paster says, "how did you do?" the couple replies, "well, it was a little hard at first, but then we got over it." he says, "welcome to the church." thirdly, the newlyweds enter. the paster says, "how did you do?" the man hangs his head and says, "we didn't even make it three weeks" "THREE WEEKS?!" the paster yells. "What happened?" The man says, "well, she spilled the paint and i had to do her right there." the paster says, "what? spilled the paint?" and then the paster goes on to say, "well, i'm sorry but you're not welcome in our church." the man then says, "that's ok, we're not welcome in Lowes either"

hahahahaha

A man comes home to see his wife leaving the door with suitcases in hand. He asks her where she going? She's saying "My friends told me I can get $400 in Las Vegas for doing what I give to you for free." The Husband walks into the house and comes back out 5 minutes later with a suitcase. She asks
"Where are you going?"
He responds "I just want to see how you can live on $800 per year."

well, most of the Jokes I know I think would get me banned in about 10 seconds, funny-but in very bad taste.. so I'll try to share some that arent too bad..



A blonde walks into her doctor's office and sez "Dr. Dr. tell me please, I know im pregneant... but is it mine?"

or


a local fisherman who wins most fishing prizes gets encountered by the fish & game warden 1 day as he was launching his boat on the lake, the warden wanted to see how he was winning all these prizes with top quality fish, so the fisherman invites him along; after a bit of rowing to the center of the lake, the fisherman reaches down beneath his seat, pulls out a stick of dynamite lites it, and tosses it in the water *BOOM* and all these fish float up, he rows around all smilin pickin only the best of the best.. During this time the fish & game warden is going ballistic.. 'your goin to prison.' and 'im taking your car & boat' and other threats, during all of this the fisherman reaches back down beneath his seat, lites another stick of dynamite and while handing to the warden says 'You gonna talk, or you gonna fish!"

A blond,brunette and a red head go to the airport for there helicopter lisences. They write a small test and all pass it..The instructor say's "Ok ladies time for your first flight" The instructor picks the brunette first..
She gets in and does a preety good job of flying that thing around and makes a perfect landing.. "Great Job" says the instructor."Your next" He says to the red head.. So she gets in the chopper and this red head girl flies around like she has done it 100 times before.. "great work" says the instructor..
Finaly he says to the blond "your next" So the blond gets in and goes up and flying that thing around like a pro when all of a sudden the propeller just stops and the chopper falls to the ground. They all run over to see if she's alright.."she is" The insrtuctor says "WHAT HAPPEND" The blond girl replys..
"I got cold so I turned the fan off" :D

lol, my question is why in all of the blonde jokes do the blonde always participate in the activity in which she fucks up last? what kind of descrimination is taking place in this alternate joke universe of ours!

This girl I met at the bar a few weeks ago told me to give her 8 inches and make her bleed, so I fucked her twice and punched her in the face.

zinggg :P

lmao....

hahahahaha
"that's ok, we're not welcome in Lowes either"
and
"so I fucked her twice and punched her in the face."


Best.Punchlines.Evar.