Rant: my shithead bosses are random testing

When I was dry and not-high for a few months earlier this year, I decided to freeze some pee just in case my stupid company decided to start random testing, as they've suggested they might. Then the wife finds it at the back of the fridge, sayz "Uggggh!", and I toss it away.

Then I get some weed, and have lots of fun. When I've got it, I'm an every-day smoker. I love weed, just love a little buzzzz, just do.

Then we go overseas for two weeks. Naturally, I *don't* try to bring so much as a stem with me, what with dogs patrolling the airports &c these days. I've actually had dogs walk up and sniff me, it's never been a problem since I'm never holding outside the house, anyway, and my hands, clothes, hair and other stuff are clean when I'm traveling abroad.

All this means that for significant portions of this year, I could have passed a test. And though two weeks without smoking wouldn't clean me up, it's halfway to a month, and that would. But of course, the moment I got into the house the other day, I fired a bowl and picked up where I left off. Mmmmm ... weeeeeed!

Then, yesterday, I got the memo: the rathole, fuck-you, we-hate-our-employees shitheads who run this outfit have decided to start random testing in the new year.

I guess that means I have to finish my stash right soon ... expect to see much smoke coming from my home this Crimbletime, kids!

Because it's random, I don't expect that I'll be one of the unluckies who're called right away to pee in the jar. The odds are just plain against it. But it also means that, when my number comes up, I'm going to have to pass it. The only good way is to abstain, and that just plain sucks.

You might wonder what I do that requires this kind of thing. Do I drive a train? Fly an airplane? Lead our gallant fighting forces into battle against the powers of evil? Nah. I sit at a desk all fucking live-long day, doing work that requires concentration enough so that I'm not stoned while I'm doing it.

So why are they doing it? BECAUSE THEY (believe they) CAN! I'm convinced this is just a way of exerting power over the peons, making them scared in their off-hours, visibly dissing us because we're all wage slaves for scumbags. And by their standards, I'm a degenerate.

Of course, if my colleagues go to the bar across the street after work, and drink enough Spudweiser and Olde Rottegutt that they wake up in the morning blind with a long drive to work ahead of them, hey, that's okay! Meanwhile, if I go home and take a toke, and then relax and do it like they do it on the Discovery channel, and then come into work bright-eyed the next day, boy howdy, I'm a fucking criminal!

Yeah! Send me to a pound-'em-up-the-ass Federal prison, boys, because I'm a menace to civilization!

Sigh ...

I also live in Massachusetts. The Massachusetts Supreme Judicial Court (the nice folks who used the same provision of the state Constitution to abolish slavery in the 1780s and legalize gay marriage in 2003) heard a case in the 1990s called "Webster v. Motorola." In this case, a guy who worked for a company that decided to random drug-test sued to prevent taking the test. He won, because the company couldn't show that if he made a mistake, it wouldn't be caught by other quality control processes in place. Meanwhile, though, a guy who drove for the company had to take the test because there's no back up if you're driving while stoned ... or drunk, for that matter.

Earlier this year, a company in Springfield, Massachusetts decided not to drug-test when the Civil Liberties Union of Massachusetts sent them a letter informing them of the Webster decision. I'm planning to drop a dime on my company to CLUM, and hope that they send a similar letter that scares 'em off.

I doubt that it will, though. I work for some right fuckers. So I have a back-up plan -- and here 'tis:

The minute I get a notice for the drug test, I'm scheduling a trip to Amsterdam. There, I'm going to smoke as much hash in a couple days as I can in those lovely little coffee shops. Then I'm going to come back and test positive.

I mean, look: it's illegal to solicit prostitutes in Massachusetts, and casino gambling is also illegal here. But I can get on a plane and go to Nevada, where both are legal. There, I can fuck up a storm while spinning the roulette wheel and throwing the dice, and watch my money disappear ... and nobody back in Massachusetts cares, because there are no laws broken.

Same diff, I figure, if I show them a passport demonstrating entry to the Netherlands. You going to prosecute me for obeying the law?

I don't know if it will work. But I figure that, if I'm going to go down, I'm going down fighting for my buzz!

yeah but what if the people you work for reject the amsterdam excuse with, "it is company policy that, to work for us, your test has to come up negative, we dont give a fuck that you havent broken any laws - you broke OUR rulse." some places around here prohibit smoking cigarettes (no idea why) and they do nicotine testing. *shrugs* fucked up world.

regardless, i hope that everything works out for you. maybe you could find some urine donators? o.O

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Originally Posted by BOgart.bitch

yeah but what if the people you work for reject the amsterdam excuse with, "it is company policy that, to work for us, your test has to come up negative, we dont give a fuck that you havent broken any laws - you broke OUR rulse." some places around here prohibit smoking cigarettes (no idea why) and they do nicotine testing. *shrugs* fucked up world.

regardless, i hope that everything works out for you. maybe you could find some urine donators? o.O

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Well, as I said, if they claim they have the right to tell me what I can do in a foreign country, I'm not sure at all what recourse I have.

Like I said, this is a strategy for going down fighting. Sure, I'd like to pass the test, but I'm so angry with these rotten fuckers I'm probably going to have to find a new job anyway, just because I can't stand to work where I do.

This message is written on company time, btw. And I'm glad it is! :p

best of luck :D

byker, i agree with you completely... i myself work at a job that doesn't do drug tests, and they're better off that way. if they DID instate drug tests, at LEAST 70% of the workers would be fired the next day (that's actually a somewhat conservative estimate, but i'm factoring in supervisors/management as well). we all show up everyday (i might add that my shift is ~3am-8am) and get things done in a timely and orderly fashion, does it matter that we smoke weed, often times sharing a blunt or two together after work, and enjoy ourselves responsibly?

and i'd like to see if you could pull that amsterdam thing off. it's a loophole, and in theory it should work... but you know how things are when practiced :(

I feel for you Byker and I hope everything works out for you.In Ireland, so far, we've kinda escaped the testing craze. I've never been tested and either has anyone I know. I'm self employed now and have a fulltime staff of 11, 5 of whom smoke cannabis regularly. I know coz I've often smoked with them. People should be judged on how they do their work not what's in their system :mad:

The very very best of luck to you ~ Keep on rockin' in the free world ;)

Peace xx

Guess a bike won't save you now Byker ;). Seriously, sorry to hear about all that bro.

I consider myself lucky. My managment already knows I smoke, and we keep it as a 'don't ask, don't tell' kinda thing.

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People should be judged on how they do their work not what's in their system

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too true, lulu, too true

As to the Amsterdam thing, if you go and get high then test positive, give them royal hell. Seriously; don't do down fighting, go down kicking, screaming, lighting things on fire, bring up lawsuits/charges/angry letters...you've gotta show them that they CAN'T just jerk around their employees. and chances are if they get a letter from a lawyer stating 'intent to file suit based on lifestyle discrimination and invasion of privacy' they'll smarten up right quick.

my advice in a nutshell; make friends with a lawyer so you know where you stand. and so you'll have somebody who knows what they're doing if it gets as far as court.

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Originally Posted by Lulu

I feel for you Byker and I hope everything works out for you.In Ireland, so far, we've kinda escaped the testing craze. I've never been tested and either has anyone I know. I'm self employed now and have a fulltime staff of 11, 5 of whom smoke cannabis regularly. I know coz I've often smoked with them. People should be judged on how they do their work not what's in their system :mad:

The very very best of luck to you ~ Keep on rockin' in the free world ;)

Peace xx

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Thanks, thanks, thanks!

And I was in Ireland *last week*! I was totally jonnnnnnnzzzed for a toke -- where'n the hell were you?! :eek: :)

Had to make due with Guinness, though. But for a Yank, it's feckin' expensive there! (It's expensive for the Irish, too.)

My wife's Irish. She used to buy her shrooms from the guy who delivered coal and turf briquettes to her mum. See, in rural Ireland, everyone works at least two jobs ... coal and shrooms! Pefect combination.

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Originally Posted by Byker

Thanks, thanks, thanks!

And I was in Ireland *last week*! I was totally jonnnnnnnzzzed for a toke -- where'n the hell were you?! :eek: :)

Had to make due with Guinness, though. But for a Yank, it's feckin' expensive there! (It's expensive for the Irish, too.)

My wife's Irish. She used to buy her shrooms from the guy who delivered coal and turf briquettes to her mum. See, in rural Ireland, everyone works at least two jobs ... coal and shrooms! Pefect combination.

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Shit!
If you'd let me know I wouldav sorted something out for you :rolleyes:

The local guy that does the shrooms (and grows for personal use) is the town hermit/intellectual/strange sandled person in winter type guy. But he doesn't sell - he exchanges for stuff he needs :) And he's still here 20years later unbusted :p

Our local publican is also the undertaker.

The bread deliveryman also reads my electricity meter.

So tell your wife things are same as always~lol~

Lulu xx

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Originally Posted by Lulu

Shit!
If you'd let me know I wouldav sorted something out for you :rolleyes:

The local guy that does the shrooms (and grows for personal use) is the town hermit/intellectual/strange sandled person in winter type guy. But he doesn't sell - he exchanges for stuff he needs :) And he's still here 20years later unbusted :p

Our local publican is also the undertaker.

The bread deliveryman also reads my electricity meter.

So tell your wife things are same as always~lol~

Lulu xx

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haha that's great. it reminds me of a ballykissangle episode. oh how i long for my ancestral land! :p

You deffintely have to make a stand no matter how small it may be. If you just let them throw you out without any retort from you all youre doing is becoming an example that they will use to their advantage.

Become a martyr bro, you must realize that this is not a personal war involving you alone. Rally the people and they will follow you.

*pumps fist in the air and thinks of heroic lord of the rings background music*

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