A tale of heartbreak, that keeps going.

I know this is lengthy, but I need help. I think I am somewhat known as a regular poster on this forum, but now you guys will know me. I am peaceandlove420 and this is my story and who I am.



To start things off a little backround, I am about 18, physically fit, italian, surf, and I live in the most beautiful place(sd). I am extremely outgoing, everyone at my school knows me (I am not saying everyone likes me I am just one of the people who's very social and says hi to everyone). I charged the field during a championship football game for our school and tackled the oppsoing mascot. I figure from this information you can get the idea of me.
I adore reggae and peaceful music and promote love and unity. I am the hippy of my school so to speak. Its very, VERY right wing where I attend.

getting girls has never been a problem for me. I don't say this to brag, its just how it is. No matter how beautiful the girl, I am not intimidated. I pursue and it always works out (not to say Ive never been denied).
What could be better right?

Wrong.

I met a girl who was different. She stirred up a feeling inside me that I thought long dead. We became the "boyfriend girlfriend thing" I gave her the world, , my heart, she was my queen.

I was youn, well younger, around 15, I admit things got a little intense for me. I broke things off so I wouldnt get hurt. That was my bullshit excuse.

The reall reason is I have commitment issues after my mom died when I was young (5) and my father indulged himself in his work to cope with the pain, I saw him a couple times a year. I grew up neglected, lost, and it fucked me up.

I got a stepmom a few ears later who made me life complete.

I had a family again.

Then she started to beat me and my life ruined once again.


Anyways I am not going to continue to rant about my life, back to the story


I broke her heart. And this hurt me even more. To the point where I made a promise that the next time I found a girl who made me feel this way I would give her everything, the perfect boyfriend, the whole nine. Anything she wants I wanted to give. anything.

So since then two girls have done this in about 3 years. I have had the other girls I talked about and "flings" parties yeah yeah.


The second one had a bf that would cheat on her and break her. But she couldnt leave him becuase she loved him so much. I was there for her always, we became so close. Closer than I have ever been with a girl.

I gave her everything, and some time after they called it quits for good I told her how I felt. She rejected me. I was awestruck, we were so close.

What happened was I turned into the "friend". you know what I am talking about.

So somewhat recently the third girl was everything I could ever want.

On top of all my personal issues, the two times in my life I actually wanted to to the right thing failed, this time I wasn't gonna fuck it up.

or so I thought.

She started pursing me. She was like the female me. She was everywhere at school, talking to everyone. But around me she would smack my ass as she walked by or call out my name evertime she saw me to say hi.

I fell for her. completely. It was perfect, we were super close, but I wasn't the "friend" you know? We always flirted around. WHenever she was hurting I was there of course.

Then the best thing happened, the kept saying she wanted me to call her to talk. Good sign right.

Stuff kept happening couldn't call. trust me it was a good reason and I explained to her.

So at school "peaceandlove we need to talk"

I thought this is it. Its all falling together. The feeling of being at that stage with a beautiful girl is indesribable.


We finally get together to talk. She says "peacelove, I really want to fuck mark" "he's so hot" "o my god you have to help me"

and then goes on to talk to me about ways she can get with him.



Mark is my best friend.


I was broken. It was too much this time. I started avoiding her, we went from some of the closest poeple at the school to awkward. I wouldnt' dodge her or anything, but whenever she saw me or what not I would be normal. I would treat her like a fellow friend, and she noticed and was getting confused as to why I wasn't my fun loving caring self.

She even got to the point she pushed me and I fell through door into the girls bathroom.


I think I am cursed. Maybe I deserve all this pain for what I caused with the first girl, I tell myself that in order to suffice a reason why that out of all the girls, and there have been plenty of bomshells out here, the ONE I wanted not to just fuck but to love and be there for went so wrong. and same with the girl before.

It was laughable how cliche it was. and how the girl before it was with the friend thing. The irony is indescribable.

Anyways I know I must be doing something wrong. But, as of right now I don't think I can do this again. I am too hurt this time, too jaded, too calliced to pull this bullshit again.

I see couples getting together all the time and it pains me how easily things fell together for everyone else.

I just thing the worst part about it is, if a 4th girl ever enters my life that I fall for, I won't be able to give her everything and make her "my queen".

My heart has/and is being hardened.

I accept this curse.

dude, fuck love
get over the shit, honestly man
kill this feeling, kill the great manipulator called love
i did, fuck love
im better off without it. carnal desire is the way to go man.
love will only get you into trouble, maybe not now, maybe not in 20 years....but it will happen.
you were blinded by your feelings, your emotions got the better of you and you momentarily stopped thinking. not good.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by MastaChronic

dude, fuck love
get over the shit, honestly man
kill this feeling, kill the great manipulator called love
i did, fuck love
im better off without it. carnal desire is the way to go man.
love will only get you into trouble, maybe not now, maybe not in 20 years....but it will happen.
you were blinded by your feelings, your emotions got the better of you and you momentarily stopped thinking. not good.

---

Very true, you got me man.

PAL420, if you want to be successful, you take advice from and associate with successful people, correct?

Try taking advice from people who DO have good relationships. Not bitter people. Misery loves company.

I have just one question......

Did you tell her how you feel? There's no need to get yourself to feel rejected when you didn't truly express yourself. There is only one way to find out.............

Dude I don't know if i can. I know its one of the things you gut up and do.

But, there have been so many contributing factors that have made this harder both personal and the girl problems mentioned above.

I left out that my dog died last month, my aunt is terminally ill, I had a friend commit suicide two months ago.


Theres more. But I don't feel its neccessary to list here. Just know from the stem of those theres far worse atrocities in my life.

The reason I said those, because I really don't know if I can tell her. after all this shit (the girl honestly was1/14 of whats going on) i threw up blood from stress for the first time in my life. My physical health started to go once I couldn't fight anymore.

Don't get me wrong, I am not some depressed recluse now. I am still living.

I am just broken and too jaded when it comes to girls now.

peace and love~

thank you for your time. I really aprreciate you guys taking time to read my story (lenghthy) and too post your thoughts.

Much love~

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Mrs. Greenjeans

Try taking advice from people who DO have good relationships. Not bitter people. Misery loves company.

---

im speaking from multiple experiences....and from what ive seen of other "relationships"

wow that sux man...well iam from sd too. and there was this girl i met in 8th grade i asked her out without even knowing her and she said yea but then i never talked to her cuz she was so pretty...so we drift off. but then when we went to high school we hit it off again but as fucking "friends" now iam a senior and were like best friends and she has a boyfriend now but she flirts with me all the time. and the reason she dated this guy was cuz i was hitting it with another chick and she got jealous so she went out with this ugly dude. she's still fucking hot and i asked her out again, (like the 4th time) but she told me that she likes me as a friend at the moment...and that in the future she feels something might happen. so yah dude i feel kinda like u...
i mean i can get with alot of girls but i want her. now iama senior and about to go to sdsu or ucsd maybe ill have her by then lol.:D

Don't let sorrow affect the outcome of your life. You can't predict what happens tomorrow. The only thing you can control is how you respond to it. Live your life the way you wish too. Don't let what you can't control, control you.

Life is pain. Life is suffering. We all experience it in different ways. If she makes you happy, don't let her momentary lapse effect your judgement of her. Humans have multiple urges. Perhaps she's hiding her true feelings of you, she may feel the same way as you do. You'll never know unless you spill the beans.

Find the power to heal yourself from your suffering. Set yourself free.

God, I guess there is only one way to go about this now.

Were going to have a talk this week. This is going to be really hard.

I'll give you guys an update at the end of the week or whenever.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by MastaChronic

im speaking from multiple experiences....and from what ive seen of other "relationships"

---

No offense intended MC, but if my car isn't running right, I'm not going to take it to the guy who is driving a smoking heap.;)

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Mrs. Greenjeans

No offense intended MC, but if my car isn't running right, I'm not going to take it to the guy who is driving a smoking heap.;)

---

actually......i purposely killed my car with a sledge hammer
im not so sure youd want to take your broken car to the guy who is currently busy beating his radiator to death......

ROFL! Probably not.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by MastaChronic

actually......i purposely killed my car with a sledge hammer
im not so sure youd want to take your broken car to the guy who is currently busy beating his radiator to death......

---

'
you never fail to make me laugh......do you take anything seriously ?

Good luck peaceandlove420.

I cant give you any advice because I am one of those bitter people.

But I hope it works out for you

Hey dude. I'm same age as you, and I too have suffered through heartbreak and awkward relationships in the past. I know the feeling of how everything piles up. I'm not gonna spam your thread with my own history, but I just want to make it clear that I totally sympathize with your situation.

First of all, if you can, try to let the whole "I want to fuck Mark" thing slide. Obviously this will be really hard for you, seeing as how you seem to be head over heels for this girl, and she's telling you she wants your best friend's body. The reason you've got to let it go is that you don't know what's really motivating her to say that, and therefore acting on the situation would almost definitely cause more problems.

You don't need to tell her how you feel about her right now. As a matter of fact, I'd advise AGAINST expressing your love. Even if she feels the same way, it could scare her a bit. Just ask her out. Don't overthink the matter. If she's going out of her way to talk to you and smacking your ass everyday, there is a 100% guarantee she'll say "yes" if you ask her to a movie, or something. So take her out, and have a good time.

Then, take her out again, and kiss her. It took me 4 years of overthinking everything to realize that just kissing someone is much better than telling them how you feel. It's like the difference between showing someone a movie or describing it to them. If you find a "moment" on the date, then go for it. Otherwise, waiting for the doorstep or a similar place is a good idea, but do it.

You're not cursed, my friend. You just have stronger emotions than most people. This may seem like a curse, but eventually you'll learn how strong your emotions can make you.

I hope this helps... I've been skimming back and forth to your post to try to cover everything. If you want to talk anything else out just let me know.

Peace.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by higher4hockey

'
you never fail to make me laugh......do you take anything seriously ?

---

not really......i take that back...if somebody stole my weed id be mighty pissed off

Sometimes love is the best road to walk down... yet sometimes the worst. I hope everything works out. Its hard to leave the past without a new future. Keep kicking and pave for the best.

Love will damage your health.

Heartbreak and loneliness will damage your health. Love will improve it.

love might be for some people not for others... if i didnt have the most wonderful female in the world, there are still other things i would love, like cannabis, money, pussy, rap, basketball, etc.

no matter what theres always going to be something you love, whether its a female or not

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by MastaChronic

dude, fuck love
get over the shit, honestly man
kill this feeling, kill the great manipulator called love
i did, fuck love
im better off without it. carnal desire is the way to go man.
love will only get you into trouble, maybe not now, maybe not in 20 years....but it will happen.
you were blinded by your feelings, your emotions got the better of you and you momentarily stopped thinking. not good.

---

this guy knows what hes talking about i agree 100 percent mastachronic your the man

If a girl is your friend and you like her, and you tell her this and she says "friends now, maybe more in the future," she's just telling you this to keep you as a friend. She has no intention of there being "more" in the future, and you're just wasting your time and your heart trying to pursue this. If she wanted you, she'd want you now. Since you're such a good listener and nice guy she'll tell you there might be a future, just because she wants you to keep acting nice and keep listening to her -- but she will never want you. That's it.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by bud luv

If a girl is your friend and you like her, and you tell her this and she says "friends now, maybe more in the future," she's just telling you this to keep you as a friend. She has no intention of there being "more" in the future, and you're just wasting your time and your heart trying to pursue this. If she wanted you, she'd want you now. Since you're such a good listener and nice guy she'll tell you there might be a future, just because she wants you to keep acting nice and keep listening to her -- but she will never want you. That's it.

---

This never occurred but I will keep that in mind.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Jack the Tripper

Hey dude. I'm same age as you, and I too have suffered through heartbreak and awkward relationships in the past. I know the feeling of how everything piles up. I'm not gonna spam your thread with my own history, but I just want to make it clear that I totally sympathize with your situation.

First of all, if you can, try to let the whole "I want to fuck Mark" thing slide. Obviously this will be really hard for you, seeing as how you seem to be head over heels for this girl, and she's telling you she wants your best friend's body. The reason you've got to let it go is that you don't know what's really motivating her to say that, and therefore acting on the situation would almost definitely cause more problems.

You don't need to tell her how you feel about her right now. As a matter of fact, I'd advise AGAINST expressing your love. Even if she feels the same way, it could scare her a bit. Just ask her out. Don't overthink the matter. If she's going out of her way to talk to you and smacking your ass everyday, there is a 100% guarantee she'll say "yes" if you ask her to a movie, or something. So take her out, and have a good time.

Then, take her out again, and kiss her. It took me 4 years of overthinking everything to realize that just kissing someone is much better than telling them how you feel. It's like the difference between showing someone a movie or describing it to them. If you find a "moment" on the date, then go for it. Otherwise, waiting for the doorstep or a similar place is a good idea, but do it.

You're not cursed, my friend. You just have stronger emotions than most people. This may seem like a curse, but eventually you'll learn how strong your emotions can make you.

I hope this helps... I've been skimming back and forth to your post to try to cover everything. If you want to talk anything else out just let me know.

Peace.

---

Sounds like a plan to me. :pimp:

You can try Jack the Tripper's suggestion, but if it doesn't work you should quit her cold turkey. It will be much healthier for you in the long run. Clinging to an overly optimistic idea that she'll eventually want you will hurt you, and you'll miss out on fun you could have had with a girl that does like you. Some girls want to keep your friendship and think they're being nice to you by acting like there's a future with them, when they're actually doing the worst thing possible. Even if she's calling you 5 times a day to talk, it doesn't mean she wants to be with you. Don't mistake her wanting to be good friends with you with wanting to be your girl. Most 18 year old girls want an Alpha male guy that they feel like they have to try to impress. Girls like to impress. They don't respect or want to be with a snivelling "nice guy" that worships the ground they walk on. Ladies, you can feel free to back me up on this one. Once they know a guy worships the ground they walk on, many will lose interest in him romantically.

A lot of girls want to talk to one guy and fuck another. Remember; actions speak louder than words!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Good luck.

Hmmm. IDK. Of course, I'm almost 38, not 18. My dude worships me. I worship him back. It's a win/win situation.

I think as I got older I got less interested in power struggles and more interested in sharing my life and soul.

I totally agree that women change and as they get more mature they want a more stable relationship. I guess you could even say this goes for both of the sexes.

But when girls are 18ish a lot of them are turned on by guys that they perceive as difficult to attain, or whatever you want to call it. Of course there are exceptions to every rule, but I'd bet a bowl that this is pretty common. :rastasmoke:

This is one of the reasons there are so many older guy/younger girl relationships in high school. There are few situations a guy can take advantage of more than being a senior in high school. Let's just say that I wouldn't mind re-living that once or twice. :giggity: :giggity:

of course I'll be the first to admit that women are impossible to fully understand, but I think this is a phenomena that I have pinned down reasonably well. :thumbsup: