is it just me? mental problems that turn to physical problems with sex

alright ... first id like to say this has happened to me with two guys both who were well endowed, who i had sex with right when i met them, but ended up dating becuase i knew i would like them, but when i had sex with them for the first few times i felt like they sort of convinced me to do it ... which i think is pathetic but anyways ... whenever they would put it in it wouldn't hurt in a way of streching but when it went in really far i felt like it really hurt like a sharp pain everytime that it hit one spot. It's wierd because after i started to like them and wanted badly to have sex with them it didnt hurt. Is it just me that this happens to? is it a medical condition? or is it just my minds way of telling my body that i shouldn't be doing that? id appricate any advice or explanation ... thanks ladies :jointsmile:

I have that problem with my husband. When they're well endowed and are going in too deeply, they can bump an ovary or nudge the uterus, which, of course, is connected with lots of nerves there in the lower abdomen. All that anatomy is very close together in there and there are lots of pelvic nerves that support it. The pain'll almost knock you into next week. Seems to happen most often in the missionary position for me.

The solution that works for me is to change positions so I'm better able to control the depth of the thrusts or adjust slightly backwards and away from the thrust as he's moving in. The woman-on-top position helps with this. On-the-side positions help, too. Doggie style works. So do positions where you keep your legs more together than open. That helps keep the deep plunges more shallow. You can also always ask your partner not to thrust so deeply, but when things are hot and they're getting close, I'm convinced that's not always easy for them to consciously control. Good luck!

i knew you would help thanks birdgirl! i just relized that it hurts bc when they convince me to do it they tend to be the ones on top ... but when i want to have sex im always on top coz thats wut i like the most, but i only get on top if im comfortable with the guy. peace

Try and hold out a little longer, OK, Gabee? Or maybe engineer things so you don't get in the situation where you suddenly find yourself being convinced or persuaded to have sex before you're really ready to.

If you're having to be "convinced" and then looking back on the situation afterwards with regret and/or memories of physical pain, that can be a pretty good indication that weren't really quite ready to take that step with them. Let yourself get to know them better and longer and see whether they're really worth bestowing your intimacy upon.

you are so right ... that is something i really need to work on. im so messed up i have a fear about guys not wanting me so i have sex with them, and its only a temporary fix because i then relize they aren't sticking around for me just my vagina

Good luck with that, sweetheart. If you can turn that pattern around and let them get to know your personality and your unique beauty and prove that they're capable of loving you and not just using you, you're going to do good things for your self esteem. You are worth that and you deserve someone who'll treat you well.

I agree with birdgirl. Sug you're never going to find someone to love you if you don't love yourself. You'll only attract those who want something from you because you want something from them. Only you have the power to make yourself feel better. Trust me I know.

I used to have sex with guys, yanno, just so they'd love me.

I actually did that with -cough-alot-cough of guys, which is one reason I'm so damn experienced (not really a good thing)...basically, i was in the same exact boat as you're in.

I was fucking guys for the wrong reasons and felt guilty the whole time, like in a few days, they might not be around. I'm not gonna lie tho, that's how I got with my boyfriend now and we're actually really happy together and it's not all about sex.

and the pain?

I get it too, Ive noticed if I'm really into it, and wet and everything, it doesn't hurt as much or at all.

Feel better sweets <3

Quote:

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Originally Posted by BabyFacedAbortion

I used to have sex with guys, yanno, just so they'd love me.

I actually did that with -cough-alot-cough of guys, which is one reason I'm so damn experienced (not really a good thing)...basically, i was in the same exact boat as you're in.

I was fucking guys for the wrong reasons and felt guilty the whole time, like in a few days, they might not be around. I'm not gonna lie tho, that's how I got with my boyfriend now and we're actually really happy together and it's not all about sex.

and the pain?

I get it too, Ive noticed if I'm really into it, and wet and everything, it doesn't hurt as much or at all.

Feel better sweets <3

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thanks bfa! its always good to know im not the only one.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by birdgirl73

I have that problem with my husband. When they're well endowed and are going in too deeply, they can bump an ovary or nudge the uterus, which, of course, is connected with lots of nerves there in the lower abdomen. All that anatomy is very close together in there and there are lots of pelvic nerves that support it. The pain'll almost knock you into next week. Seems to happen most often in the missionary position for me.

The solution that works for me is to change positions so I'm better able to control the depth of the thrusts or adjust slightly backwards and away from the thrust as he's moving in. The woman-on-top position helps with this. On-the-side positions help, too. Doggie style works. So do positions where you keep your legs more together than open. That helps keep the deep plunges more shallow. You can also always ask your partner not to thrust so deeply, but when things are hot and they're getting close, I'm convinced that's not always easy for them to consciously control. Good luck!

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Okay, this is a kind of similar issue, so I'll ask cause you mentioned it. My boy is well-endowed as well, and while he hurts me sometimes on top, it hurts me more when we do it doggie-style. But the thing is, sometimes it really hurts and sometimes it doesn't at all, and so I am thinking it is probably something getting brusied by one of our...rougher...sessions. But during those "sessions" it doesn't hurt, just after.

Is this just another thing of the same sort, and I need to figure out a better position, or could this possibly be something different?

I thought he "bruised" me too, vileo...I didnt think it was possible tho.. Birdgirl, inform us!

I've found that if you (the girl) is really excited it doesn't hurt, well it does, but its a good hurt, like when you get your hair pulled or nails in your back.

Sorry, y'all. I'm only just now circling back around to this thread, and I see you wrote your posts a few days back. My apologies.

Vileox, I don't really know what to tell you, and I'm not sure I fully understand how your pain works. You say it hurts more sometimes when you do it doggie style-rough, and that it sometimes also hurts afterwards? Or were you saying something else?

I figure everyone's constructed a little differently up in there as far as where nerves are and what's sensitive to pain. I know, for instance, that women who have tipped uteruses can experience sexual pain sometimes, but I think anyone can experience pain when your partner's very large or too rough or is thrusting too deeply and too hard. I think it's just a matter of finding the positions that work best for you and don't cause pain. And it might also be worth a trip to the ob-gyn to make sure you don't have something like an ovarian cyst that could be aggravating the problem. I think it is possible to get bruised internally. I know that happens a lot in cases of sexual assault, so it makes sense that it could happen after rough sex, too. This is why I don't like it rough. Dealing with size issues is rough enough!

since we are talking about anatomy and stuff right now, i have a question for you BG. I have had a PAP smear done twice now, and both doctors mentioned that my cervix is off to the side, or "kind of around the corner" as they put it. it took a while for them to get the cervix swabbed because of this. Will this affect my fertility? i think they would have said something if it would... and also it's not like sperm can see anyways, so they won't get lost. lol.

Hey, Dutch Lover. That's definitely be a question for the doctor, but my guess would be that it would likely not affect your fertility. My cervix is the same way because of a slightly tipped uterus, and I got pregnant six times. Was only able to carry one baby to full term, however, but not because of the tipped uterus, most likely, just bad luck and probably scarring from the first Cesarean.

My doctor, who back then was a male doctor who got very clinical and scientific when he was talking, said that if a woman has an "intact, unscarred (from disease or surgery) cervical os (mouth) and is having intercourse that includes ejaculation when your husband is at the full depth of intromission," the cervical os is going come in contact with enough semen that some of those sperm cells can make their way up there inside and fertilize an ovum. From what little I've read, that's apparently true--that the pathway through the cervix is what really matters, not the direction the cervix itself points in.

If for some reason they thought your curvature was such that it would impair fertility, that'd be an easy workaround with just a little tiny cervical catheter. They'd do it just like artificial insemination and BAM! you'd be pregnant as a goose. I'm already excited for you!

I changed from Dr. Formal Clinician to Dr. Casually Talkative Sweetheart about 12 years ago and have felt much less uptight when I'm in her presence than I always did in his. I respond much better to a good stirrup-side manner and they might as well be easy-going and down to earth when talking about such intimate matters.

thanks for the reply, i had forgotten about asking about this, until now. The catheter thing is really interesting. Don't be excited for me yet tho! I'm not planning on having kids for about 7-8 years probably.

Hello ladies!
Not been here for a while, back having a quick browse and came across this post.

I've had some discomfort with my boyfriend and often find it comes down to me not being fully relaxed or still being a little sore from a rough session. I've learnt now that I can ride through the discomfort, which positions are best and my boyfriend now knows when I'm ready to be take him harder and deeper. Communication is key.

It's great to read that others have similar "problems". I was a little worried about it a few weeks back and hearing what others say has defo put my mind at rest.
Thank you!

birdgirl gave you good advice and I just want to second the idea of trying out different positions until you find one where you can control the depth (not him). it's normal to feel that type of pain (so don't worry that something is wrong with you) - just learn which things cause it so you can avoid them.