Tell your stories.................
Have a good one!:jointsmile:
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Tell your stories.................
Have a good one!:jointsmile:
ok, see, this one time, at band camp...
i am bad sometimes... :X
kp
p4b, i've got one so good, i'll have to bring it back from the dead...
here goes...
i had a guy hanging out at my place. long story short, i broke out my stash around midnight, and he hit the bong a few times with me. i was talking to him about the time my german shepherd was poisened (rick, if i find you, you're DED!) and the dude jumped up off the couch totally freaking out!!
"What's in this shit? What's in this shit?! you bitch! you poisened me! i'm dying, im gonna die"
W.....T......F?????
he runs upstairs, i follow, by the time i got to the den, he's on the phone!!!! the fucker dialed 911!!!
"yeh, im...i think i'm dyin hurry!!!"
he slammed down the phone and started pacing and mumbling and shit! all this woke my brother, who came out in the middle of the call and was trying to talk sense into this fucking maniac. i currently have 8 blueberrys in my closet. oh. shit. fuck.
the very first thing i did was let the dog out and commanded her to gaurd the gate.( she's a very big, very mean, and very big dog) then i turned to beat this fucker with anything i could find for a second before the cops and ambulances and firefighters show up, but my brother had already taken care of it. he hit him so hard, i felt it, and it was over for him.
then the blue lights show up. i'm scared as hell, and high as a fucking kite. but i took my sweatshirt off and ran out the side door and up the hedges and made it to the gate just as he got to the end of the driveway. the dog lay there watching. the cop got out and started to walk to the other gate, but i called out and he walked back to me.
"ma'am we got an emergency call from this address, but the call was unitelligable. are you all right, is everything ok here?"
i said, "sir, i called because i thought i might have been having a stroke or something. i was cleaning my closet out and got real dizzy, and i fell against the wall and slid to the floor. after a minute or two, i crawled to the phone and called 911."
"ok, we'll have the ambulance here asap. don't you worry sweetheart, you're going to be all right."
not over yet right, i'm shaking like a leaf and i didn't have to fake that part! the ambulance shows up and three people get out of it and start to cluster, then two fire trucks pull in next door, and volunteers pour out, the another ambulance and another cop pull in the drive way. one of the paramedics tells me that i need to be seen in the just arriving ambulance. at this point, the dog goes totally apeshit and nobody wants to come in my yard
as three more paramedics get out of this one, the other three helped me into the back of the ambulance. i told them the story of falling/feinting and they did all kinds of tests and it turned out that i just stood up too fast. "no sir, i've never done any drugs in my life! " they ate that shit hook, line, and sinker! they were to busy looking at my tits to see my blood red eyes. the cops left, the fire trucks left, and the e.m.t. had me sign a peice of paper, and bid me good night. as i was going back to the gate, this guy, the one that freaked, comes out staggering and trying to flag down the ambulance as they pulled out of driveway.
The E.M.T,'s waved back at him! lolololol
he turned to me and i kicked him sterile. my brother came out(he has asthma and was having an attack) drug the guy to the truck and drove him 20 mins down the road and left him.
i should be nominated for accademy award, or best actress or something. i mean that is one of the most shaking experiences of my life. But, this is deffinitely the most incredible pulloff i've ever had. qp in my bro's room, 8 plants in mine. and a dumb fuck noob smoker that flipped. he was sexy too.
ps the tank top in 40 degree weather is probably what saved me but you be the judge. do you guys think this worthy of the closecall hall of fame?
love, brooke
my plants are still alive and i'm not in jail
hmmm, looks like i can't read forum names either...
but i gess this COULD be a sexual adventure... i WAS trying to score b4 he freaked...
oh well, i'll have to accept punishment for being out of line...
kp
most defenitely. hooray for tank tops!Quote:
Originally Posted by kindprincess
Whats "Runnin' Block" supposed to mean?
Who cares if this was posted wrongly, that's an amazing story!!! XD XD XD
Kudos for you!
haha i agree!
I didn't know what runnin block was either...but i just googled it and here's what the Urban Dictionary has to say "When you take the fat chick so your friend can get with the hot friend. Very similar to a wingman."
how sweet
Whoa, thats crazy.Quote:
Originally Posted by dutch.lover
Do people actually do that? I'd hate to have sex with a fat chick. I wouldn't just because my friend was about to get laid by the hot one.
Fat chicks need lovin' too...but they gotta pay.
I have to disagree, I mean, were all people, fat, or skinny, beautiful or ugly. we should only pay for sex if we want to. And we all want to get laid, I mean, why should there be so much negativity about someone just by thier apperance?Quote:
Originally Posted by Frivolous248
i agree Sam. also, correct me if im wrong, but in bed, isn't enthusiasm the biggest turnon for a guy? if you have a chick who is dull and just lies there, as opposed to a lesser attractive one who is super into it- moaning, writhing, screaming.... wouldn't the enthusiastic one be a bigger turn on?
if that's true...why discriminate against overweight women? who says they are worse in the sack than non-overweight women? are guys just that shallow?!?!?!
i want to add that i don't mean to single guys out when it comes to shallowness. honestly, i think i would have a pretty tough time enjoying sex with a man who weighed, like, over 300 pounds. That being said, even if you're not down with having sex with overweight people, there is no need to go around bashing them and being disrespectful.
most are, you could be the ugliest guy in the world, but ill fuck you if I love youQuote:
Originally Posted by dutch.lover
^^amen
Speaking from personal experience, big girls can spread their legs farther apart than skinny girls. My exGF was thick, and she was big fun in bed.Quote:
Originally Posted by dutch.lover
My buddy said his girlfriend is as pretty as can be
He said help a brother out tonight and come double date with me
She's gotta a baby sister and they're headed into town
They're lookin' for a good time
They're fun to be around
I said what do she look like?
He scratched his head and stated
"She was a home comin' football queen before she graduated.
We'll wine and dine and do 'em fine
and really double date 'em
Then take 'em back to the motel six and
Try to seperate 'em.
They showed up in a pick up
They were right on time
His was kinda heafty
But not half as big as mine
(Chores)
I'm runnin' block
Turn the lights down low
Runnin' block
Don't want know one to know
That I tried to drink her skinny but she's still about 215
Sometimes you got to bow up
And take one for the team
She cleaned her plate at dinner
Then she ate what's left of mine
Then she wolfed down a big cheesecake as I drank all the wine
She strolled out to the padio for an after dinner cig
I said "Bro you done 'er this time and gonna owe me big
You know why?
'Cuz my brother's havin' a party
Thought you outta know
He's got coeds swimmin naked
Reason I canā??t go
(Chores)
Now bow up boys
When we got back 2 the motel,
I kicked up my feet,
and she put me in a head lock and says snuggle up with me
My buddy finished early, when he walked through the door
I was laying there half naked she had me pinned down 2 the floor
Son I canā??t believe u caught me, this big old jelly roll
You laugh at me tomorrow
You canā??t ever tell a sole
I've been there done that........
Have a good one!:jointsmile:
For the record, I hate Toby Keith.
I like Toby Keith, but he's not evolved. Heck, I'm sur eI'm not either. I like my ladies trim but i've seen beauty in ladies who aren't. Still, my own lady is. Maybe I'm a hyprocrite. We usually are. We like th elooks. I freely admit that.
I don't hate Toby Keith specifically for that song, I hate him for his close-minded ways...such were outlined in the Dixie Chicks movie. You guys can make fun of me seeing that movie all you want, but it was awesome.
Here's for freedom of speech!! :glugglug:
I guess different (or more main stream) preferences in women sometimes make people sound shallow. I prefer smaller chicks because big ladies borderline crush me. It's happened and I felt like I was a stick figure in an ocean of cushion. Much love though.Quote:
Originally Posted by Frivolous248
So did he kill the dog???
ill do a fat chick ANYTIME. if she can buckup and get nasty, ill love it. some people need to stop hatin on the fatty boombas.
You totally hit it right on the head!Quote:
Originally Posted by dutch.lover
First time I had sex you could have mistaken it for necrophilia.
Fuckin waste of an hour and a condom.
And waste of a one time experience. glaargghh!
I agree with Sam, love and lust makes good sex, regardless of physical appearance. But I have my own limits. I can't do it with a 300 lb chick I'd be crushed to death.
Quote:
Originally Posted by dutch.lover
i wouldnt call it discrimination, id call it not wanting to bang someone who you're not physically attracted to in any way.
in some countries, they pay by the pound...
:p
So you invited this guy over, and got him high in the middle of the night with plans of scoring with him?Quote:
Originally Posted by kindprincess
Just one question.
...can I have your phone number!
Don't worry he'd still have sex with you. But SOME of us have standards; OH! Burn! :rastasmoke:Quote:
Originally Posted by Samwhore
o and dutch lover guys are that shallow a lot of the time! I have a ton of guy friends and a few of them are not attractive themselves but they still set really high standards for themselves. It's wrong that they dont look good but they will make fun of and not even give a fellow unattractive person a chance.
And like samwhore i dont care what they guy looks likeill bang him if hes not the best looking.... dont get me wrong i would prefer a good loooking guy but i dont thhink twice about looks if i really care about someone , its rare and u shuldnt pass it up because of looks
At least Im getting laid, Oh, burnQuote:
Originally Posted by SwirlyMass
Well, if posting on the sexuality forum is what you do while getting laid then you might have to reconsider your partners abilities.:DQuote:
Originally Posted by Samwhore
Don't mess with me little girl!
nope thats just how talented I amQuote:
Originally Posted by SwirlyMass
If we were goin at it and the girl all the sudden started posting on a forum i would probably no be too happy and definitely get the hint and bounce on out.
I would do anything for a true homie because i only have two and at one time i had a whopping 6 or 10 so yes if theyre in with me ill take the big chicka with a smile and im one thats not mean to girls but im small and would look out of place among one thats big but i have noticed my borderline is farther than others around me. If you dress right and arent huge i might be interested.
Give me the chronic and im in the mood.:
WaKe X bAkE
I've come to a compromise, Samwhore can post on here while having sex with me as long as I get to play WoW while she's posting.
Hehe, I'm just kidding I hate WoW its like legal crack for nerds and its not even fun. I'd probably be posting i here instead!
Too bad this would never happen because samwhore would never want to sex me. Not to mention how incredibly illegal it would be.
lol seems like this song is appropriate here...
YouTube - Stephen Lynch - Big Fat Friend
depends, you have no idea what kind of guys I likeQuote:
Originally Posted by SwirlyMass